Sunday, July 12, 2009


Good Morning, girls :-))

Today is the day to hear from you! I've responded to your emails privately, so forgive me for not posting any kind of a response here. If others have messages to pass on, please let me know and i'll certainly do my best to pass your sentiments on!

It has been such a gift to hear from so many of you. I want to sincerely thank you for your tremendous generous support, your suggestions, for sharing your stories, what works for you, what doesn't.

As a community of women with food issues, we need to share with each other, and in hearing others with similar issues, we have an opportunity to identify and acknowledge and connect with the deepest parts of ourselves. Sometimes just hearing someone say somethng that you feel...or have thought...can be tremendously cathartic...and can begin the healing process. God bless you all!

P.S. I lost another 2 lbs in one day, and weigh 252 again, with barely any deprivation. From 257.5 to 254 to 252 in 2 days. This weekend has confirmed how to lose weight/water weight (exercise, no salt, tons of fruit) and has been surprisingly enjoyable for days in which i have lost weight with lots and lots of bananas, a moderate amount of fat and even agave. Wow! My 4 days of heavier fat/salt at work plus this weekend confirm i'm working in the right direction. I CAN be more moderate! In just working toward 'maintaining' this weight zone, i feel very FREE and HAPPY! I work today, so wish me luck! I'll just continue to do what i'm doing! Continue to listen in!

From Gayle
I was lurking around on twitter when a twitter buddy "Raw and Fit" put a link up to your blog. The moment I clicked on it, I just sat here and thought...this is me! I honestly connect with everything you if I had written it. Especially today, feeling so bloated and scared and...well...I bet you know. Anyway, good job. It's nice to know that I'm not alone with the *mindgame* traffic that runs through my head concerning food! LOL! Good to connect!

From Talia, Psychologist/Raw food chef
Hello Michelle my darling!!! Your journey is progressing beautifully!! I am so proud of you for listening to YOU!!!Love you!

Also from Talia, Psychologist/Raw food chef
My dearest Michelle, Oh how I adore thee!!! I am so proud of you, you just don't know. I think it is a great idea that you are going to weigh in weekly instead of daily. Also, I think it is imperative that you allow yourself some "indulgences"...that way you won't feel so repressed and eventually may not even want those "indulgences"...but knowing that they are available if need be is going to prove to be very comforting in my opinion. Please remember to be gentle on yourself and kind to yourself. We are always taught to be kind and considerate to others....but often times we overlook that we have to be kind to ourselves also. Love where you are right now and enjoy the journey. Sending love and positive thoughts to you!

Again from Talia, Psychologist/Raw food chef
You are doing so wonderful....after bad days come good are wonderful and beautiful and exceptional....remember that!!! Lots of love!

From Glenda
I understand what you are going through. As I read your blog, I'm asking myself the same questions that you are asking yourself. It's got to be especially hard for you since you are a raw chef. You are preparing food every day that you work, for all of the hours that you work.
I wonder if you ate 1-2 non-gourmet foods (i.e. fruit) before you eat a gourmet food would that help? Since you said you are not hungry most of the times that you are eating in excess.

That's what I'm trying to do, since I had a binge day yesterday. I was sick most of the day and did not eat, but boy when I felt better last night, I went off. My roommate even brought Chinese food, which I gladly ate along with potato chips and other junk food. I have been going off for days, since I had not went to shop for groceries until yesterday. So that means I was eating whatever along with the watermelon, which I had in the house. I'm not even going to weigh myself until tomorrow, to give that salt and other stuff a chance to leave my body.

But, I'm learning every day and becoming more aware more each day. I started inputting my food daily in Nutridiary, I really see what I am eating daily and what is causing my weight loss to cease. It separates the amounts, the salt, fats and proteins. Now I've started putting in the meals and snacks separately. I really see the amounts of fats especially that I'm eating.
Thanks for mentioning Nutridiary in your blog.

I really believe that you are doing fine. As I read other blogs, people who have lose great amounts of weight, seem to have fits and sputters along the way. I really love the way your are blogging your way through what you are going through. Everybody says journaling/blogging is the way to get better and find your way out of difficult times. So keep journaling/blogging and being an inspiritation to the world. Remember you have others praying for you !

From Lee
I have ben trying to catch up on your blog. You look really good! Your face looks slimmer and clear! I am so with you on the binge thing. I swear I have an E.D.. Good job at work today. I fell off the raw vegan wagon and am having a hard time getting back on. Maybe your blog will inspire me. I hope!!!Keep up the good work girl!!

Also from Lee
No, I wasn't at Arnold's that last time I wrote. I was on your blog looking at your pics. I have seen you at Arnold's before though. I have been going there for about 1 year once or twice a month. I have not introduced myself to anyone and I don't think I am recognised as a return customer yet.

I love Maya's chili and all the other stuff on the menu. I'll buy a couple meals to go but eat them on the way home or right when I get home and don't save any for later. Definitely a binge eater.

I went vegetarian in Jan. of 2008 then, very shortly after, vegan and have been trying to stay raw for about 1 year. I lost 30 lbs from Jan. to June that year. I have gained it all back since October. Every morning I tell myself "Today is the day I start 80-10-10 for real and stick to it" but every night I binge on cooked or gourmet raw. I need to try what you are doing. Legalizing food and working on getting rid of the binging before trying to lose again.

My daughter and boyfriend eat whatever they want. Its in my face. Chocolate, cookies,ice cream pretzels, etc... My boyfriend thinks I have a problem cause I eat all the time...duh. I do have a problem. He can eat a meal, not even a large one, and be good for hours. I would be looking to munch 10 minutes later.

I am enjoying your blog!!! Good luck with the binging!

Another Note From Lee
I was bad and had a slice of pizza a small sundae and a coffee. But that is OK cause I sort of allowed it. I have been real good since last I wrote you and ate mostly 80/10/10 since Monday. (except today) It is evident when my monthly comes because the mood swings and cramps are less when I am raw. I have gone down 3 pounds since Monday. Weekends are tough for me so we'll see how it goes.I was off today and I also took Monday off (work), thus the cheating.

Your blog is helping to keep me focused. Thanks for your thoughtful response to my last email...much appreciated. Your pics from your head shot photo sesion are wonderful...very pretty. Good luck with getting that part!!!! Have a great weekend.

From Shawna1707
Thank you for writing! It is always nice to receive a message from you. The past two weeks have been a roller coaster for me both physically and emotionally. Sadly, I unexpectedly lost an uncle to heart disease last Tuesday. He was only 50. Three days later my husband's 48 year old uncle died of cancer. Unfortunately, I struggled to stay raw and binge/purge free during my shock and grieving.

When I arrived home this past Wednesday I was able to maintain raw binge free mornings and afternoons. . .but by night my emotional sadness pulled me to SAD comforts. I didn't reach out to a soul. Oh well. Today is a new morning. I can hear the birds singing outside my window.

I just slurped up my green smoothie and feel a new peace pulsing within my healing body. You know how those binges wipe us out! Whew, I back tracked!

Despite sorrow and craziness, I read your blog daily. Your blog lets me feel connected to something greater than myself and the web of the eating disorder. The letters from the other women are helping me feel less alone, less crazy, less discouraged! Thank you for all the time you take to give us eating disorder chicks unity!

It sounds like you've had a rough go of finding balance with salty gourmet meal at work. It sounds like you are developing a new consciousness in regards to the effects of salt and fat on you physically and emotionally. I applaud your efforts and choices. Keep moving forward! You are making progress and evolving in positive ways. Don't focus on the number on the scale because it can sabotage growth! I realize that is easier said than done! We are all proud of you! You are a success!

I love the photos your friend took for you Sight and Sound audition. Personally, I would have him crop them from the shoulders up for your actual head shot. Not because your bra gave ya flat boobs! Because it will let them focus on your eyes, your soul! Both photos capture different moods which offer versatility in casting choices. What show are they doing next? Just curious.

I didn't read your blog finishing up yesterday's report. I am hoping you were happy with your meal choices at work! I will catch up on your blog when I done catching up on e-mail messages. You are in my thoughts! Peace and Joy!

Also from Shawna1707
Hopefully you are well today! You seemed positive in yesterday's blog post. Boy, do you have some decisions to make! Boy, are they baffling ones to decide upon when one has a eating disordered mind. Give it time. It will come to you when both your rational mind and emotional mind are dancing in harmony!

One thought from me: Carlene's plan seems to offer hopes of a lifestyle change that offers weight loss. . .it may not be as immediate but it seems sometimes the best things in life take time!

Juicing is great! I do it daily, yep, one mighty green mug a day. It makes me feel great! Unfortunately, I still have an eating disorder that calls me to pig out and purge out, even days I juice! Maybe Carlene can work juicing into your plan.

Lastly, 80 10 10. . .is wonderful for immediate results. . .plus it makes you feel great. . .loose the bloat. . .love your reflection. . .I think you were at Ikea with Cliff when you noticed the beautiful reflection resulting from 80 10 10.

I almost see it as two choices 80 10 10 or Carlene's Program. You will make the right choice for where you are with your recovery. You can always rewind and try the other if you decide. What a wonderful thing. . .to have choices. . .no absolutes. . .to be able to succeed. . .to maybe stumble, but to get back up knowing all us eating disordered chicks support and love you! You are a success, already!

Oh yea, check out Real Food Tulsa Blog. There is a section where a woman, I forget here name, has a chat with the chiropractor. You may appreciate it. He tells her she is worthy to loss weight. . .anyway read it when you have time. It's short. I thought of you.

I had a great day yesterday. I am beginning a great day today. Hi ho, off to the lake I go! Peace and Love!

Also from Shawna1707
Let's continue to move forward today! Let's keep tackling this binge disorder, one day we are bound to beat it! Every day there is hope! My hope today is: no binging , no purging, eat 100% raw! This will hopefully give me the strength to go canoing with my husband tomorrow!

Do you think you can share some salad tips with me? Do you suggest I chop them with a S-blade in the food processor? Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated! No rush. . .

Sending Hugs and Support Back Your Way! You and Cliff enjoy this weekend!

From Carol
You are such an inspiration in determination and self examination. I look forward to meeting you at Arnold's Way on my next visit to Pennsylvania. In October I plan to visit a friend who lives in Allentown, just last week, I told her about Arnold's Way and she said sure thing, Lansdale is just about an hour away and she would like to check it out too.

I am new to eating RAW, and have been reading many blogs on the web. I bought Noni Shannon's 2 books about 8 month's ago, about a month ago I got a Blendtec and a Saladaco, and since I have been making Green Smoothies, salads and zucchini pasta. My favorite smoothie so far has been 6 peaches and rainbow swiss chard. I have always loved salads, wasn't sure about kale, but found I do like it. When I got some prepared RAW zucchini pasta and kale salad, and a slice of Key Lime pie at the health food store that I go to, I knew I would be able to eat RAW. In the past 3 weeks I have lost 12 lbs. I would like to loose 80 more.

I am tempted to try Carlene Jones program, and will make a final decision after Tuesday. This coming Monday and Tuesday I have enrolled in the Hallelujah Diet program at Hallelujah Acres, which is about 1 hour and 15 minutes from my home.

Suggestion for your gourmet raw eating - can you try one gourmet meal a day sitting down say for a week or two, then every other day, then every two days, ten twice a week and once a week, until you can tell your self that you will one day be able to go back to a more frequent schedule once you reach your goal.

I know how difficult food addiction can be - 4 years ago I lost 156 lbs. and never reached my healthy weight of 125. I really like real food, fruits and vegetables so if I can stick with RAW, I see some hope for me. I certainly will stay away from the nuts, pates made with nuts and such, and no more than one slice of Key Lime pie. At about $6.24 a piece, it is not hard to resist. Best regards!

From Holly
I cannot tell you how much I look forward to receiving your e-mails. You have truly been a source of incredible support for me.

I have been back to eating mostly fruits. However, I fall into the rut of eating all fruits which I know cannot be healthy. I think I am eating way too much fruit. Today, I am going to try to eat more bananas. I have already had 5 bananas and am still not full. It is kind of scary to me that I can eat so much and not be full. I definitely have to work on that. I am still having some reactions to eating so much sugar. At times, I eat hyped up. Like right now I feel sort of strange because I have had so many bananas.

Do you ever find it difficult to get full or fell satisfied? I truly know what you mean about binge eating. It is so incredibly difficult for me to feel satisfied. At times, I feel I am addicted to sugar. I have started to eat fruit late at night. That is probably not beneficial for me.

Last night, I had a salad and nuts. I could not handle the nuts. I immediately fell asleep after eating them. I felt awful. My body started to bother me. I got very uncomfortable. I was also very cranky.

Also, I have been really craving a great salad dressing. I tried avocado, tomato, and basil but I do not really care for it. Is orange juice acceptable or does Dr. Graham strictly follow food combining? I have been food combining for 2 years.

It is ok to mix vegetables and fruits? It is not okay according to food combining. I would imagine it would lower the glycemic index of fruits if they were mixed with greens.

Why do I get tired after I eat a lot of fruit now? It used to energize me. I remember how amazing I used to feel. Now I often get tired and have to sleep after eating. Right now I am suddenly feeling very tired.

Do you eat fruit every few hours? I have read that Dr. Graham says to eat only 3 or so meals per day. I find it difficult to eat so much fruit at once. I feel better when I eat smaller amounts throughout the day.

Just eating fruit for the past week, I have lost the weight that I gained. I wonder if a lot of my symptoms are detox symptoms. I did eat a lot of cooked junk. I just wish I could feel as good as I felt before.

I just ate a ton of bananas. I am feeling fine so far. As I said, it just worries me that I can eat such large quantities of food now. I do not make much money. It certainly can be difficult to keep up this way of life. I am just hoping I will not have to buy supplements and things and that will save tons of money.

I get very tired after I drink water. This does not happen in the morning. It usually happens after I have eaten. I wait around an hour or so to drink after eating. So as a result, I sometimes mistake thirst for hunger. I also tend to overeat.

Again, thank you for being my partner in this. I truly appreciate your guidance and friendship. I look forward to hearing from you. Hugs!

From Amy
I got your email from the Arnold's way newsletter.

I know a little bit about the raw diet and I am interrested in learning more. I have lost 90 lbs in the recent past and I would like to lose about 20 more. I lost this weight on the Medifast diet, which I did like doing, but the preservitives and other ingredients disturb me. It is a low calorie/ low carb. diet. This diet runs me about 300.00$ a month. It is getting a little expensive and I am looking for a change.

I tried to do the raw diet for 2 weeks and I gained 7 lbs......not what I am looking to do!!

I don't know if you have the answer, but I am looking for any info that I can get. I look forward to hearing from you. Blessings!

From Shawna Morris
How are YOU doing? I've been reading your blog. I like your openness and 'voice'. I can hear you talking. You are so beautiful, Michelle. I hope you see that and KNOW that within you. You have come so amazingly far with your body. You are absolutely radiant. Sharing your journey like that is Medicine for others, as well as yourself. Living our truth and sharing our truth touches lives. You never know how your transformation transforms others. Women really need each other. We can give each other strength like no one else, or tear each other down. Women are power-full, whether we know it or now. Oh, and your Cliff is an adorable babe! First time I saw him was the pic on your blog. Loads of love and hugs!

Talia sent an article sent from Swayze of
"How to Finally Overcome Binge Eating"
This Saturday was a holiday here in the US. It was the 4th of July, full of family, friends, fireworks and (of course) fattening foods. If I had to guess, I’d say that the vast majority of you did not maintain your raw food diet. Sorry if I seem too harsh. But let’s face it, making *any* dietary changes is tough work! This is especially true for those of us known to binge eat. While I no longer struggle with binge eating or cravings, I know how physically *and* mentally draining it can be. I also know what it takes to defeat these cravings for good. On that note, here are the 3 most important steps you can take to combat your cooked food cravings and finally overcome binge eating.

#1: Don’t Beat Yourself Up
You have to put this little side-step, or any dieting “faux-paus,” in perspective. Just because you ate some food you have placed on your naughty list does not mean it’s the end of the world. It’s just food!

Think about it this way. You maintain a healthy raw vegan diet for 2 weeks straight…tons of fruit, nutritious veggies, limited fats, etc. Then, you attend a cookout for Independence Day. You are determined *not* to eat anything cooked. But, oh man, that cornbread looks sooooo good. You decide just a little nibble won’t kill you. A nibble becomes a mouthful, a mouthful becomes 3 face-fulls, etc.

Before you know it, you feel uncomfortably stuffed, pissed off, and guilty.

And all of this in the span of just a few minutes. Compare those minutes to the entire 2 weeks you stayed raw and healthy. Not much of a comparison, huh?

Always put things into perspective. Recognize your decision (you choose to overeat, it does not happen to you) for what it was, learn from it, and move on.

#2: Be Firm In Your Decisions
While it’s important to be easy on yourself when you stray from your diet, it’s also important to be firm in your decision to go raw to prevent further binges. You have to understand exactly why you are refraining from certain foods and be completely confident in your reasons.

Doing this from the get go will make it much more difficult to justify eating those forbidden foods.
An excellent way to facilitate this is to make a list of your raw reasons. Include only the reasons that are actually important to you, not ones that you think should be important.

If the *only* reason you want to go raw is to lose weight, that’s okay! That can be your one solid reason. Try to keep that reason in your mind at all times. Write it out on post it notes. Laminate it and paste it to your fridge.

Just make it real and unforgettable.

If someone asks you your reasons for going raw, you should practically scream at them, “I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT!” without even thinking about it. It should be that solid in your mind.

#3: Analyze Your Cravings to Cooked Foods
It’s always important to understand why we long for “naughty” foods in the first place. To do this, you first must identify what type of craving you are experiencing:

*Physical Cravings*
Physical cravings are simply due to physical hunger. You are not getting enough calories from raw foods and so you are hungry. This puts you in a compromised position, especially when you are surrounded by all of your old cooked food favorites at family functions. Being hungry makes it very easy to justify eating these foods.

Luckily, erradicating physical cravings is very easy to do. Just eat more food! Simply add a couple more pieces of fruit to your fruit meals. You will know that you have eaten enough when you are satiated for 3-5 hours are eating and no longer crave other foods.

*Emotional Cravings*
Emotional cravings are a whole different monster because, well…they’re emotional! You binge because of your feelings, not because of any physical hunger.

I know this type of craving all too well. There were times in which I was absolutely *stuffed* on sweet raw fruit, and yet I found myself in the pantry claiming any foods that I could get my hands on.

For me, overeating was usually a result of boredom. Each time I found myself with nothing to do, I would immediately think of food.

When I *finally* figured this out, I was able to gain control of and even destroy my cravings. I knew what would happen if I let myself become bored and restless and so I was able to keep myself from reaching this state in the first place.

Not only did I eradicate my cravings, but I became much more productive as well!

It’s a Process!

To get started, I recommend you write down your raw reasons. It only takes a few minutes. Go ahead, get started!

From there, you can begin thinking about any emotional ties you may have to foods. Maybe you eat when you are sad, or angry, or just bored like me! Maybe you only eat when you are in the company of a certain person.

To help facilitate this analysis, I highly recommend you check out the Shrink Yourself Program by Dr. Roger Gould. The free session alone is enough to help you grasp your reasons for overeating.

Whatever you do, realize that overcoming binge eating is a progression. It will not happen overnight. If you find your current dietary guidelines too strict for you mentally, feel free to scale back a bit and work from there. The journey is just as important as the destination.

That’s why I offer The Fool Proof Transition to Raw when you sign up to my newsletter. If you have not subscribed, this is a free 5-week course that allows you to gradually make your way toward a 100% raw diet. I’ve found this to be much easier on the body, as well as the psyche, than going 100% raw right from the get-go. Go raw and be fit, Swayze,

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Thank you, Ladies.

xoxoxo, Michelle joy

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