Good morning! Here's yesterday's report, and a few other images from my photoshoot!!!
MONDAY, July 13, 2009
Pre-Br: 2 peaches, 2 nectarines
Breakfast: big green smoothie, 3 glasses. (2 heads romaine, vanilla, agave, 4 frozen bananas, water) yummy! hadn't had a greenie in 2 days and really CRAVED it!
I'm super emotional today, I miss Cliff, I was crying on the phone to him (he's in Ohio for a few days). I think i'm detoxing. Feeling a lot of fatigue today, and just an overall blah feeling, and it's lonely here. I think i'm pre-menstrual, too.
I have to go to work, soon. I am hosting a party at work tonight for one of our customers. I will make the raw dinner, serve it, and then entertain with 2 or 3 songs. Wish me luck!
Sn: watermelon, 1/4 of a medium.
Drink: 1 bottle water, 2 coconut waters
SN: 2 handfuls chlorella tabs. yum. taste like cheese. does everybody KNOW about these things? they are so yummy. and i think they're really good for you.
LUNCH: At Arnolds Way. STARVING! Chopped salad of zucchini, tomato, carrot, celery, onion, red pepper, 1.5 dehydrated salt free veggie steaks.....all pulse chopped in cuisinart. Could have used a little lemon or garlic, but yummo! A new favorite salt free low fat meal!!!!!
The raw 'steaks' are made from a little cashew mixed with beets, apples, red pepper, carrot and zucchini. Everything is put through the Champion juicer with the blank plate, and then we form them into 'steak' shapes and dehydrated overnight, flip over and dry a few more hours. yummmmm.
Drink: 1 large glass water
Dinner: ravenous! after singing...and serving dinner. 1.5 Supersize 'vanilla' shakes at Arnolds Way (4 or 5 frozen bananas, 1 oz hemp seeds, vanilla, filtered water). Beyond!
Snack: hungry! 3 peaches, 2 nectarines
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STILL SALT FREE!!!
Hurrah, while i was at work prepping for the party, i chose not to eat any salt or taste any of the food i prepared. Because i had to sing, i didn't want to bloat up again just before singing, so i stayed salt free. I was sooooo busy getting the party ready, it was surprisingly easy. Gratitude to my dear dear friend and coworker, Susan Aman, who tasted all of my dishes and helped me adjust seasoning.
I am so happy about the no-salt work day. I think it is, like, SOOO freaking GOOD for me to lay off of salt, and to have been given the grace to accomplish it for another day - especially at work, feels good. And, it feels GOOD to lose the bloat!
And food still tasted good. Maybe not MIND BLOWING, but GOOD. My chopped salt free salad could have used a little more spice, and some lemon, but it filled me up, tasted pleasant and after i finished eating, i literally FORGOT about food.
Frankly, i'm not so CRAZED and OUT of CONTROL with food....when i am off of salt.
"Hey, you look THINNER!"
Adding to the good feelings of the work day, EVERYONE there commented that i looked so good, like i've gotten thinner! Isn't that what every dieter wants to hear???? Big smile! :-))) Could be inches, too, with all of the walking.
You see what a few days of salt free/low fat raw living and daily walking do???
252! Can you BELIEVE it??? Just 2 days ago i was a bloated 258. i'm flabbergasted this week has turned out so well!!!!
What a JOURNEY!!!!
What a confidence building exercise, to see i can have success "moderating" at work, eat nuts and salt, and actually SEE Binge eating DECREASE. By the 4th work day, i did NOT binge at all. Then, to moderate at home, in a lighter fashion, but still eat moderate amounts of fat, lots and lots of bananas, but continue to exercise....and to watch myself lose! Man, i am just stoked!!!!
My goal was to return to 250 by eating lighter each week after allowing more salty-fatty gourmet eating, especially at work (which produces a gain), to ultimately STOPPING binge eating, and maintaining my weight in the 250 range.
Jeez Louise, i'm actually accomplishing my goal!!!!
I am seriously thinking I am onto something here!!!
I work again on Thursday, so we shall see how that goes!!!!!
There are some concerns to this higher fat experimentation.
I noticed some blood on the toilet paper when wiping myself after a bowel movement.
I have experienced hemmorhoid symptoms (protrusions, blood, intense pain) since the first day ever of going raw, and suffered tremendous pain with them DAILY the first year and a half i was raw. I took Aleve for the pain, or I could not bear it. During my entire raw journey, i have always felt that this was a 'process' that i could constantly 'refine' and if i had to take 'Aleve' to stop the unbearable pain of hemmorhoids, in order to stay raw, it was worth it to me.
I didn't understand if the hemmorhoids were an 'allergic' reaction to nuts or fat, or if they were a detox symptom. I'm still not sure, although the fact that i tend to get recurring symptoms the more nuts i eat speaks loudly.
I consulted with Victoria Boutenko about the issue, and she felt that the hemmorhoids, along with the hair loss, were clues i have 'low stomach acid.' She suggested green juices, sipping green smoothies very very slow, and to take Betaine Hcl.
Green juices are something i plan to get into, ala Dustin and Meredith. Sometimes we resist what we need most! And sipping smoothies is a challenge. In fact, eating slowly, in general, is a huge challenge, which i plan to focus on in the future. It's a part of Dr. Fairburn's "Overcoming Binge Eating" book.
So, I began to take, in high doses, Betaine Hcl. At first 1 pill a day, then 1 before or after every meal, then i graduated up to 7 or 8 before or after every heavy meal. No one told me to do this, i just experienced that the hemmorhoid pain dissappeared completely within 30 minutes of ingesting the enzyme, and the more i took, the better it worked. This was miraculous and i was able to stop the 'Aleve.'
Perhaps I need to restart Betaine with the added fat in my diet to stop binge eating and to help the hair loss. (i took a bath yesterday and there was not much hair left in the tub, wow, so i think the extra fat is helping).
Also, the now 'chronic' yeast infection, which my boss, Arnold, says is 'candida albicans' and directly related to overconsumption of fat, is a worry. Will i get another one soon??? With this last one, I did purchase an over-the-counter remedy, 'Monostat', a supository and a cream, and it did clear up after about 5 days. But, if my system is riddled with candida, this will be a recurring issue, until i can get my diet cleaner, without binging.
I think until i get the binging under control, i have to eat a little higher fat. Overall, my body is so much healthier, and will continue to get healthier in this process as i can let go of things that don't work for me.
OFFICIAL WEEKLY WEIGH IN!
Tuesday was supposed to be the new official weigh in day, so, now, it's Tues a.m., and i'm waiting and waiting and waiting to go to the bathroom, so i can weigh myself today and make it my 'official' for the week. I'll update later!
RAW DINNER PARTY
Well, i made the raw dinner party for 9 last night and they LOVED it!!
- pesto pizza bites
- 'toona' in tomato boats
- southwestern tomato bisque
- tossed salad with peppitos, raisins and sundried tomato vinaigrette
- 'sloppy matt' (a mock sloppy joe without the bun!)
- garlic ginger marinated mushrooms
- organic lemonade, sweetened with agave
- berry berry good cheezecake, with berry berry sauce
- polanisian delight, a chopped sweet salad with coconut, mango, pineapple, almonds.
The party-goers were all pretty apprehensive entering into Arnolds Way for their first raw meal, it was really wigging me out, but they just totally warmed up after they ate, because they just really really enjoyed the tasty food I made! They were all pleasantly surprised, and the food, they said, 'exceeded their expectations'!
I also sang 4 songs and received a standing ovation! I sang Ave Maria, O mio babbino caro, Cheek to Cheek, and Climb Ev'ry Mountain! Not a dry eye in the house! I'm sorry we didn't videotape it.
A very lovely evening!
But, with the stress of making food with time constraints and the guests due soon, and that i had to sing, i was very tense, and i didn't feel well.
I'm in a serious detox - i really felt like shit, but i sang really well, i think. At least it FELT really good, i hope it SOUNDED good! (One of the partygoers called my voice 'extraordinary!!!!!')
Coming back home to an empty house stinks. Waking up alone is awful. I feel lonely. I miss Cliff SO MUCH!!! I spoke with him on the phone but he was with his friends and he's so reserved when he's with other people! He's an introvert and i'm the extrovert!!!! As you can NO doubt attest to by my very public open blog life! Cliff is more withdrawn. His reserve was extra awful, especially since i feel so shitty and could really use some comfort. When i said,"I LOVE YOU SWEETY and miss you SOOO MUCH!" I received an, "uh, right back at you." LOL...i CAN'T wait to talk to him this morning when he is alone, so he can tell me how much he misses and loves me and when he'll call me his 'bunny'.
Update: our morning call ended in me crying again. maybe i'm getting my period. But i think i'm just super sensitive and he just doesn't realize how big my comfort needs are sometimes. Being with people, he is extra extra reserved, and i am, being alone and lonely, and detoxing, extra extra sensitive and vulnerable.
At least i have you nice ladies to talk to!!!!
An amazing amount of fatigue today, Tues and yesterday, Monday. And i didn't even walk yesterday. Honestly, i don't think i would have had the energy.
When the body says REST, it means it's in a healing phase and we just have to REST.
And i really didn't think i'd have the energy to sing last night, but shocked myself that i was so fantastic!!!!! (I had such a good warm up in the morning using my "Singing for the Stars" CDs by Seth Riggs. That is SO helpful when i can't afford a lesson.)
Plus, adding to the detox, I just stopped taking allergy and reflux (pharmaceutical) pills last week. They are sooo drying. And since i didn't have any big singing engagements coming up, i decided to stop taking them.
I had decided to take them for the summer since i had so many paid singing engagements.
After having sung so very well last night, I'm going to stay off of them. Maybe the worst of the pollen is over? After 2.5 years raw, i still suffer tremendous summer allergy symptoms.
So, i'm not only detoxing from nuts and salt and raw bread, i'm detoxing from pharmaceuticals.
And i have a feeling the NONI juice may be doing something as well.
And i had some chlorella tabs, too. Lots of nutrition! But i feel like crappola.
XXOXOX michelle joy