Thursday, July 2, 2009

The Cat in the Hat!

Beginning Raw Vegan Weight: 425

Beginning Blog Weight: 277

Weight Last Week: 250 lbs

WEEKLY WEIGH IN Thurs, July 2, 2009 : 250 lbs

Total Blog Loss: 27 lbs in 5 weeks!

NEW GOAL: 249 - only 1 lb away!!


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Hello good people,

Do ya like my new hat? I love it! It was a gift from my boss, Arnold! Thank you, Arnold! Susie Beiler made it. I love it Susie, thank you! Susie and I have never met, but i know her name as she teaches holistic health classes all over philadelphia. Check out Susie's website at Isn't that cool? A health practitioner AND she's knits like a dream!

I weighed myself unofficially this morning and was delighted to discover i weighed 250. I was able to stay the same ultimately this week.

I have decided to use that as my official week's weigh in.

I had a bad day at work and since it's my blog and i make the rules, there you go! I won't weigh in tomorrow, Friday, as i had planned. I'll give myself a chance to recoup.

Food/Activity Today

  • Liquid: 1 water with lemon and lime juice
  • Liquid: 1 iced herbal tea unsweetened
  • Exercise: 25 mins walk to Main Street and back
  • Breakfast: giant green smoothie (3 bananas, 1 entire head of rainbow swiss chard, green grapes, water, ice)
  • LUNCH: At work - hungry! 2 chopped salads of: mushrooms, ginger, 1 clove garlic, 1 Tbsp nutritional yeast, carrots, tomato, red pepper, zucchini, celery, broccoli. The first had 1/4 avocado. The second had 1 tsp of tahini
  • Sn: 1 small banana whip (2 bananas) with cacao
  • Liquid: 2 small coconut waters
  • Sn: 1 salt free macademia/chickpea burger
  • * 1/4 avocado
  • *1/2 veggie steak
  • * 5 peices of raw bread
  • * 1/2 macademia/chickpea burger with white sauce on 1 slice raw bread
  • * 5 oz maya's garlic onion dip and 2 peices raw bread
  • * 1 awesome foods "meatball sandwhich"
  • Liquid: 1 kombucha wonder drink
  • Liquid: 1 glass lemon water

I'm not feeling particularly depressed about today. Frustrated, perhaps, as it seems there is no middle of the road for me, eating wise, at Arnolds Way. I know i can follow 80-10-10 at work and stay in control marvelously, but if i give myself an 'inch,' and have something "off", i take a foot.

Maybe it's just too tempting an environment to have anything off of 80-10-10? All of that raw bread around, nut spread, awesome foods. Experience would say that i am not able to 'moderate' there. I have never been able to. It's either binge, or stay in perfect 80-10-10 control.

Either i'm just a food addict who needs to be on 80-10-10 or this moderating is going to be filled with lots of falling down flat on my face before i get it right.

I really DID try to talk myself out of a binge today. I didn't feel such enormous panic this time when i started 'picking'. I was rather calm, which i saw as a huge improvement. I kept telling myself i didn't have to do this. But, i think i just ultimately kind of gave into it because of habit.

PLAN A GOURMET MEAL? It would work alot better than this.
It would have helped had i sat down for a meal. Perhaps if i am going to work on moderating, then i MUST plan ONE GOURMET MEAL at Arnolds Way SEATED EATEN SLOWLY and ENJOYED no questions asked, and that's that.

Either that, or i need to accept that i can't control myself, stay on 80-10-10 and make peace with it, and just be strict when i am there?

I will meditate on this.

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I read something today in a holistic magazine about listening to ourselves, and how meditation can help us so much to control ourselves and to assist our 'highest selves' in taking control of us. It made a lot of sense. I used to meditate daily. I think that's a key elemend that's missing here. "Thinking" and "analyzing" and blogging is only so good. Sometimes a HIGHER power needs to take charge.

This moderating thing is too challenging for me to do 'on my own'.

I felt like when i was doing 80-10-10, that a higher power was kind of ruling over me. Things were going great, exciting, losing tons of weight, ease in sticking on the program, lots of praise for my ability to stick with something so extreme, so pure. It IS easy to stay on.

But, i don't feel that way anymore. I don't know who's ruling me. A person with rights who is demanding to get what she wants and deserves, just like everyone else, 'gourmet' tasty raw food... Or a rebellious spirit hell bent on ruining me???

I guess it all depends on how you look at things. How one views food. Eating disorders are very complex and there are so many theories on how to treat them. Most theories center around not denying ones self 'pleasurable' foods.

My "Overcoming Binge Eating" book suggests this, "legalizing" foods as Dr. Fairburn states.

He also suggests that before trying to 'lose weight,' one must regulate one's eating first, and THEN work on losing weight, only after the eating has been normalized and regulated.

The book states that OVEREATING and BINGE EATING are two separate issues that need to be addressed separately. It kind of makes sense.

When i thought about eating that burger today, the voice in my head said "i have weigh in tomorrow! i'm trying to LOSE weight!" And then i decided wanting it was more important to me in the moment than losing weight. Had i eaten it and enjoyed it and been done with it not much damage would have been done today.

In trying to 'lose weight', perhaps it's too much pressure on me?

If i'm going to work on eating "normal" meals so i don't binge, perhaps i have to put weight loss out of my mind for a little while.

If i'd have had ONE MEAL of gourmet today instead many?...the equivalent of 5 or 6 meals...i would ultimately fare much better. I might not have LOST weight tomorrow morning, but the binge eating would have calmed.

Perhaps i need to start planning my meals at Arnolds Way if i'm going to go the gourmet 'moderation' route.

Wish me luck tomorrow. I work again.

xoxox michelle joy

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