A NEW PEACE

SATURDAY, JUNE 5, 2010

I weighed in at 299.25 lbs this morning. I broke 300...seemingly, without even trying. What i'm doing is NOT dieting...and i'm having success. Pretty amazing.

I'm going to follow that oldtime advice of "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth," meaning to me, "don't ask WHY this is working, just go WITH it!!!

I'm writing everything down I eat in fitday.com and i'm eating 6-7x a day (meal/snack, meal/snack, meal/snack). I'm counting my steps on a pedometer and exercising formally 3x/week.

Curious, calorically, so let's see what i did on Friday.

• I exercised formally for 30 mins in the pool, plus went for a short walk with Cliff in the park wearing my new Pedometer, and counted my steps from 5pm on, when i got the complicated pedometer to work! I think it was over 2,000 steps in just the 2nd part of the day! I must have done at least 3x that many overall. \


• RAW pre-breakfast: I had watermelon, a little over 200 cals.
  
• SNACK: RAW green smoothie, i made an entire vitamix full - almost 700 cals eaten throughout day (1 mango, 7 sm banana, 1 cup strawberries, 2 cups parsley)


• For lunch: a large "veggie" sub from quiznos (has chedder cheese, guacamole and a vinaigrette on it, in addition to lots of veggies) 1, 021 cals; and a bag of Lay's Baked Chips 130 cals


• Early dinner: homemade curry with lots of veggies and 1 cup white rice: 543 cals; 1 raw date stuffed with cashew cream: 80 cals


• SNACK: "Laughing Cow" Light Cheese: 8 wedges, 280 cals


• RAW "meal": BIG Salad with 1/2 Tbsp olive oil and 1/4 of an avo, and dressing of dijon (not raw), honey, water, garlic: 183 cals. [Wow, a big filling lowcal meal.] [Note to self!!!!]


• RAW Bedtime snack: 3 nectarines, banana whip of 2 bananas and 1 cup blueberries: 263 cals
  
  TOTAL CALS: 3402 cals

That's alot of cals, but i lost weight, over a pound today.

I must have been doing horrendous before that with all of the binge eating to force a weight loss from over 3400 cals!!! I'm gonna keep on this track. It seems DO-ABLE and I'm enjoying it. And NO binge!!!

Maybe this has something to do with faith? With just believing? Mind over matter?

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PRAIZIN' HIM
Glenda is a long time reader of the blog, who signs all of her emails to me, "Praizin' Him!" Her spirit and determination are so apparant. I just love Glenda. We've had several spans of emailing back and forth and I always enjoy my correspondance with her. Glenda is somebody you feel GLAD and GRATEFUL to have on your side. She's always routing for you and super supportive, even when she wasn't sure what to do herself! A beautiful lady, a beautiful spirit!

Recently, after not hearing from her for a long time, I was so pleased to receive this note, detailing her newfound success with her diet. I wanted to share this with you today, especially since I had a good day yesterday, AND it was not an all-raw day (and cooked food didn't "cause" a binge, as i used to think). On the same lines, Glenda has now settled into a diet that includes cooked foods...and she considers herself having found a new peace. Her diabetes is in check, she's stopped crash dieting, and she's doing great.

Glenda has ALOT to teach us. Please keep in touch, Glenda!!

Dear Michelle,
I'm praying for you and your mom.
I've been following silently and praying for you.
I know it's been very, very hard for you.
I just want God to bless you to find exactly what you need to maintain your loss and to even lose more weight.

I've finally found the peace that I need. I've decided that 100% raw is not for me. I found peace with mostly raw with a few cooked foods mixed in and I try now not to eat after 6-7 pm. That was the best habit to break.
When I did that, it seemed like a new peace came into my life.
I make sure I have plenty of watermelon around, already cut up and ice cold.
I take watermelon over to my friends house and everyone gets to have a refreshing treat.
I also make sure that I have a small salad and plenty of water around.
Since doing this my glucose is now normal and the craziness for sweets had dimmed in my life.
I refuse to look for fast weight loss solutions. I'm allowing the weight to come off slowly.
The best part is that I'm learning to love and care for myself.
I go to the Y and just get in the whirlpool, steam room and sauna and I exercise in there and now my knees don't hurt and I'm now walking straight and I can walk up the stairs straight.
My clothes are looser and I feel great.
I'll be praying that you find the peace that I have found.
I love you Michelle.

Glenda \i/ Praizin' Him !

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Glenda, Thank you for your wisdom and for your prayers. I'm on my way to finding that peace..., really feel awesome inspiration from your success, and know that others will, too!

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MOM UPDATE
Trying to remain positive about mom, but it's hard to when she looks so awful, not like the mom I knew. She's so swollen i hardly recognize her.

Her urine outpout went backwards yesterday and they had to give her more fluids again, but today, she gave out some more urine.

Mom was not conscious when I was there, but i stroked her hair and talked to her and told her not to give up and that she was doing better. Her head shifted, which felt like maybe she heard me.

Mom is in seriously critical condition. My father is a mess. I'm strangely clinical and very matter of fact about her, trying not to be too emotional and reactive to what i see. Constantly i pray for her survival. She's been through 2 traumatic surgeries and her body is not responding favorably. They've put her in an induced coma of sorts.

It's terribly hard to be talking about my mom like this because she was a ball of energy just weeks ago. The almost raw diet i put her on for 13 weeks did her good as far as i was concerned. Everyone said she looked well. Her eyes were clear, her energy much better.

My father, however, is blaming me for the situation that my mother is in. He resents the diet I put her on. Emotionally, he's blaming anything he can. He thinks the diet delayed the surgery, maybe made her weaker.

She was, actually, alot more energetic, from what i could see. Her backpain increasing was likely due to a tumor they've discovered, not from the diet.

I don't feel guilty about what I did for my mom, but i do question if it weakened her...lack of protein? She did snack on nuts frequently and I've always been taught we really don't NEED that much protein.

My intentions were good. Her cholesterol went down 120 points. Her stomach pains went away. It was a good thing. Wasn't it?

Possibly losing his wife, my father is lashing out at anything. That anything...., unfortunately, is ME. Perhaps i am to blame?

"You have all those raw food snacks on the table here. I want them OUTTA here!" As if those raw food snacks are what led to the situation she is in now.

I can't believe a vegan diet can make someone weak. I thought it was much healthier and allowed the body to function better and stronger. This is what we teach where I work.

If there was anyone who was opposed to the surgery, it was ME. If there was anyone who was encouraging of it, it was him, even pressuring.

My mom was in a tight fix between the both of us. She didn't know who to please. She was dreadfully fearful i would be dissappointed in her if she opted for the surgery. I am terribly dissappointed FOR HER, for the outcome of the surgery. Perhaps she was in a weakened state? But, aren't green smoothies and salads and lemon water and brown rice and veggies all strengthening to the immune system??? It's true she'd lost about 15 lbs, but does losing weight mean someone is weaker?

My mom said before the surgery to me, 'If I die, it was my time.'

God works in strange ways. IF it's my mom's time IS the question. I've cried about this for days. I'm all cried out.

The surgeons are obviously hoping she'll pull through, as is obviously, everyone. If her body can do it, if her mind can do it, if her spirit can do it, we shall see.

The drs said that it's not even a day by day situation with her...it's hour by hour.

Please keep her in your prayers. Her name is Ruth Schulman. I know that God hears our prayers.

Perhaps her illness is a lesson to all of us....to be grateful for our lives, for each day that we are breathing... Everything suddenly seems clearer when someone close to you is suffering.

For once, i'm not reacting emotionally and wallowing in self pity as i face possibly the biggest loss of my life. In the midst of all of this, I'm doing good with my eating.

Mom would be proud. She kept telling me before the 2nd surgery that I could do it.

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Watermelon and smoothie for breakfast, a big raw salad for lunch with cooked beans, fruit for snack, a boca burger for dinner and 2 tbsp of hummus as a sack. It may not be all raw, or even 50% raw, but it's all sensible. I've logged everything on fitday and i feel hopeful for the future. I did over 3,000 steps today. It wasn't a very active day, so i'm curious to see what a very active day registers as.

xoxo michelle joy