Friday, June 4, 2010


POSITIVE STEPS FORWARD - Friday, June 4, 2010

+Watermelon on the sunny patio with Cliff this morning. mmmm! just like being at the lake!!!

+ Watering the tomatoes. Grow, babies, grow!

+ Crying, scared about my mom, praying, but drinking a mango, strawberry, parsley, banana GREEN smoothie.

+ Packing up the rest of the smoothie (64 oz total) with me in my igloo and drinking it on the road!!!

+ Buying a new bathing cap, swim goggles, locker lock and soap dish for the gym!!!

+Going for a 3o mins. water walk & swim at LA Fitness!!!! IT FELT FANTASTIC!!!!

+ Heading for the gym, and actually MAKING it there and doing what i said i would do!!! Does that ever FEEL good. Baby steps. With each success, you realize you can DO it.

+Discovering that my mom's urine has picked up to the point where is it 'fine,' the nurse said, and they are not ordering anymore extra fluids. She is still very swollen, however, and will be in the ICU several more days as she needs to be on a ventilator, so her lungs don't fill up with fluid. little step at a time, Mommy is fighting back, and so am I.

+ Eating a veggie sub at Quiznos and having that be OKAY and not leading to a binge. Cooked food is probably NOT the CAUSE of binge eating...emotions are.

+ Counting my calories and having a high amount of calories be okay...for today. Facing my fears...seeing just HOW MUCH i can eat and maintain my weight...or lose...not getting emotional about it.... Is the whole thing about 3500 cals being a pound really true???? I ate over 3500 cals for the last two days and didn't gain two pounds. Scientifically, i'm gonna figure out just WHAT i can do...!!!

+ Requesting a pamphlet of Quizon's nutritional info so I can mark my cals down in fitday!!! That's being PRO-ACTIVE! To write one's food down, to log it, to count the calories, EVEN when not DIETING? THIS is a huge success. I'm becoming AWARE.

+ Buying more "laughing cow" lowfat cheese, then delaying gratification and drinking some more smoothie, instead. I can have a whole pack (280 cals for 8 triangles) everyday for the next week, if i want!!! That would be a good bedtime "binge" comfort snack...better than 870 cals for choc pudding.

+ Putting all of my food into without fail!!! I'm on a roll, baby!

+ MEDITATING ON THE SAYING ON THE WALL...AT THE POOL: "Before we can achieve success, we have to expect it of ourselves." Is that ever true. And the truth is, nobody can do it for you. YOU have to want success and believe you deserve it. I do.

+ Praying with each stroke i swam and each lap i walked...for my mother's recovery and survival. If i can do this...come back from complete discouragement and defeat and be exercising in the water today, again??? after HOW long??? If i can do this, so can my mom. Alot of the MENTAL. It's not that we CAN'T do it...we just have to believe it...first.

+ Even though i had a binge last night, i REFUSED this morning to give into self-pity and discouragement, and instead, fought back and fought harder. I didn't give up on fitday, i ate fruit for breakfast and green smoothie, i exercised. BRAVO, LADY!!!

+ Went to the gym, not to lose weight, but to feel good and to do something i wanted to do. Water is soothing to me. I deserve calorie-free soothing.

+ Praying that my depressed brother and my depressed father can find it within themselves to fight. We can all get stronger...we must...not just for ourselves...but for mom. We're going to have to WALK her through the toughest fight of her life. If WE can do it, so can she.

If I can do it, so can YOU.

+ Buying a PEDOMETER!!!!!!!! Now I can be like Jan and count my steps!!! Since about 5pm, i walked almost 2900 steps!!! Can't wait to see what i walk tomorrow!!!

+ Parking further away and walking extra steps. wow. one extra step feels like success.

+ Enjoying a 200 calorie raw fruit whip before bed...instead of a 900 calorie container of chocolate pudding!!!


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My heart breaks for mom all day...but i'm happy to be doing better.

xoxo michelle joy

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