MY DAY YESTERDAY...

Good morning,

Here's my food/exercise report from yesterday. Anytime something was RAW, i'll put a big R in front of it.

• Breakfast: 1 R nectarine & R watermelon - 242 cals


• Sn: R banana/blueberry whip - 356 cals


• Lun: light wheat wrap with lots of R romaine and "laughing cow" cheese spread; 9 rice chips - 395 cals


• sn: 1 light yogurt - 80 cals


• sn: 1 R strawberry smoothie - 150 cals


• Dinner: R salad with avo dressing, 1/2 potato knish, small peice of rye bread with 1 tsp butter, 1 ear of corn, 3 oz of beer - 694 cals


• sn: R blueberry smoothie - 200 cals


• sn: eggwhite omelette with spinach and mushrooms, 1 Tbsp parm cheese, no other fat - 189 cals


• TOTAL CALS: 2,375 cals


• EXERCISE: 30 mins swim; 5317 steps in addition (2.6 miles); 243 cals burned in addition to swim

Lots of deep breaths right now to process my day yesterday (my cals were higher), and process the weigh-in I just had (i gained a lb!). Deep breathing, deep relaxing breathing, let's get out of my crazy disordered head and get back into my body. Relax....

Let's look at the positive. I had a GOOD day yesterday. I ate when i was hungry. I exercised. I'm not binge eating, I'm making sane choices. I'm doing well. The body's fluids fluxuate. And i have my period. So, there. And my late eggwhite omelette snack was high in sodium. Okay, i can get through this.

The higher cals yesterday did surprise me, somewhat, though i did feel hungry everytime I ate. The new awareness will have to be stopping when i've had just enough. That's a new skill! I did notice halfway through lunch that my tastebuds kind of "turned off" and i could have stopped at 1/2 sandwhich and 1/2 of the chips. Was THAT ever interesting! My stomach really must be shrinking. I did, however, finish eating. Next time, i can wrap it up and finish it later when i'm hungry. That would be so "Geneen Roth" of me!

Food DOES taste SO MUCH better when I'm really hungry for it. I know RAW-bies won't want to hear it, but there was nothing like a fresh peice of jewish rye bread with butter on it. I mean, delish times ten.

My decadent dinner containing 1/2 of a jewish potato knish straight from the jewish deli AND a very small peice of rye with butter was so NIGELLA LAWSON of me. I always KNEW i was her!!! Lawson's motto is, "To achieve maximum pleasure through minimal effort." How much effort did it take to whip out a slice o' rye and slap some butter on it???

The point is: for ME, this was tremendously satisfying. To take a BINGE FOOD (bread and butter) and eat a VERY SMALL amount, allow myself to ENJOY it without having to go overboard? INCREDIBLE.

I had quite a bit of fruit yesterday. My raw friends will be cheering.

I did feel genuinely hungry last night, or so i thought, before my eggwhites.

I also felt VERY thirsty. I think swimming, all of that deep breathing, dehydrates you. I've not been drinking enough. Pangs for thirst are often misinterpreted as hunger pangs. (Note to self). When I was drinking green smoothies consistently, i didn't have to worry too much about getting enough fluids in me.

Downsides of the fabulous new routine: My ankles are a little swollen and i have some kind of strange growth or something around my right ankle. I said to Cliff, "Do you think it's all of the cheese i'm eating, landing there?"

Our body makes weird tumors and things to protect us from toxins. I think I have a pocket of cheese in my ankle!!

Here's an amazing note from Arnold talking about that principle towards the end of the note.

Hi MICHELLE,

I WISH I COULD TYPE BETTER! I WISH I COULD SAY ELOQUENT WORDS. I WISH MY FINGERS COULD KEEP UP WITH MY THOUGHTS. I TOO FACED THE SAME SITUATION WITH MY MOTHER AS YOU ARE WITH YOURS. I WAS FACED WITH A MORE SEVERE SITUATION. MY MOTHER WAS RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL WITH STOMACH PAINS. SHE WAS ALIVE, ALERT, COULD TALK, COULD WALK, COMPLETELY NORMAL. IT WAS UNDER THOSE CONDITIONS THAT THE DOCTOR RECOMMENDED SURGERY TO CLEAN HER BOWEL OR WHATEVER SHE HAD. Deep down, i knew it was a mistake. i knew deep down that she wasn't going to make it. Nevertheless, it was her choice. 2 days later she was dead. Her whole being never recoved from the invasive surgery. They did all they could, so they say. They did all they could to make a vibrant woman with abdominal pain into a complete zombie two days later. it was a medical decision. it was a medical surgery that was invasive which is not meant to be. i send you my love for both you and your family to know it was your mother's decision to listen to you, to listen to her wisdom, not your father's decision, your mother's decision to do what she thought was best for her body and that has to be honored by all sides. I WOULD ANSWER YOUR FATHER IN THOSE TERMS IN ANY CASE. GOOD LUCK. A POLLYP IS THE BODY'S INTELLIGENCE STORING THE EXCESS TOXINS IN A PARTICULAR PLACE SO IT DOESN'T GET INTO THE BLOOD STREAM. IT IS A SIGN OF THE BODY S INTELLIGENCE THAT HAS TO BE HONORED. REMOVE THE CAUSE AND THE POLYP WILL DISAPPEAR. HAVE FUN IN THE SUN.

LOVE, ARNOLD

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Okay, so, my ankle is freaking me out!!! I suppose no one gets away with murder. Maybe i've had it for a while and i'm just noticing it??? I'll keep you informed and will try to adjust accordingly and trust my body's wisdom and my body's signs and signals and move forward from there.

Other than that bit of exciting disturbance, I have good news!

As of yesterday, my mother is actually doing much better. HALLELUJAH! Her urine output has increased significantly, her bloating is down, she was off of the ventilator excercising her lungs for 3 hours total yesterday, she's awake and alert. Very, very uncomfortable, very frustrated, very much in pain, but much improved. I was not able to reach her nurse this morning for an update, but will see her this afternoon.

I am sending messages to God right now just praising him and asking hm to just continue with mom's progress forward, to continue to heal and recover my her. AMEN!!!

There is always that constant fear with me that things could go downhill. Even with my diet, i face fear. Am i on a downward slide? Will i continue to gain? Will i ever lose again?

You know what? I am SO OVER living in that fear-based headspace. My new motto is: Focus not on WHAT IS, but on WHAT I WANT.

So, what do i want? I want to continue being successful on my plan. I want to continue exercising and making good food choices and writing it down. I want my mother to have had a good night last night. I want her progress to continue. I want her pain and frustration to decrease. I want her strength to increase.

THAT feels MUCH BETTER. Living in fear is the shits. It does you NO good and is actually so destructive.

Thank you for all of your prayers, all of your support. Much love to you,

xoxo michelle joy