BABY STEPS WORK!

FOOD/ACTIVITY for Thursday, June 17, 2010

STATEMENT: After 3 years raw, I'm eating Vegetarian now to cure my binge eating, and it's working!; No more extreme dieting, just living; I use http://www.fitday.com/ to calculate my calories, write down EVERYTHING i eat, eat about 6x/day, use a pedometer to calculate my steps, and I'm losing weight slowly, yay! I've lost about 16 pounds over the last weeks with barely ANY effort, and weigh 292.5 now. I'm only 7.5 lbs from what i weighed when I left the raw retreat in California!!! I'll have lost 140 lbs then, yay! :-)) I'm on a journey now away from raw, but hope to make my way back some day...and still maintain my newfound binge-free lifestyle!! All of the processed soy crap and the multitudinous dairy products i'm blissfully ingesting many times daily might just kill me, (or i'll grow giant breasts on my ass!), and I know they're genetically modified and have hormones and pesticides in it, but, hell, i really LIKE it...!!! Talk about yummo! And at this point in my journey, it's a preferable choice for me as eating moderately is so much SANER and healthier for me than binge eating EVER was!!!! Sometimes eating what you LOVE (even if it's crap) with joy is actually HEALTHIER for you...than TRYING to be on the most PERFECT diet...and then rebelling to HORRENDOUS NON STOP BINGE EATING, and then swinging back and forth and back and forth, like i have been for the last 6 months. This happy joyous surrender to crap is apparently a part of MY process, and, even though it may not be nearly as HEALTHY as raw, I feel FREE, I feel liberated, and I love it!


BR: Berry Berry Smoothie! - blueberries, strawberries, 1/2 banana, apple juice and water

SN: Mexican Corn/Black Bean Salad! - fresh spinach topped with corn, black beans, lots of veggies, dressed in tofu mayo/vinegar and herbs (DELISH); skinny cow fudgey bar

LN: Whole Foods Feast! (Starving!) Wheatmeat Macrobiotic entree (550 cals), supplemented with lots of veggies (spinach, celery, peppers, mushrooms, onions; lightly sweetened tea

SN: Weight Watchers Icecream bar, 130 cals

DN: Veggie Hotdog Meal on the Porch - (hungry!) 1 tofu hotdog, whole wheat bun, sauerkraut, ketchup/mustard; medium potato, 1/2 Tbsp butter, parm cheese; 7 oz lemonade

SN: Aunt Jemima Treat! 1 small pancake, 1/2 tsp butter, 1/2 Tbsp pure maple syrup

TOTAL CALORIES: 2,031 cals

EXERCIZE: (759 cals burned); 6.4 miles walked or 12, 834 steps today, wow!!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mom had the tracheotomy today. She did well. She's stable and a tiny bit better everyday.

My heart was filled with a lot of joy today. I spent the day with mom, walked to Whole Foods, walked around Manayunk, and ate well.

I feel positive. The nurse said mom should do fine tonight.

I had a little scare when her blood pressure was very low, but they intraveneously gave her more fluids and her blood pressure went up over 20 points within 5 mins, yay. Low blood pressure (and paleness, she was pale today) are symptoms of her "septic" state in her stomach, (or actually all through her body). That's a scary word to hear from them, "septic," but unfortunately she is. Her bowel surgery leaked. A second surgery to fix the first was not completely successful. And a clog in her drain sent her reeling backwards 2 days ago.

But, they are fighting the infections with anti-biotics, and they say she is responding appropriately. I'm very hopeful. They say she should be in I.C.U. for 6-8 weeks longer.

But, it was a good day. Any day that she is alive and responding a little bit better is a good day.

My heart still breaks...often...throughout the day...when I think of mom and the situation she is in right now. I am so utterly sad for her, but try to tear myself away from those thoughts and focus on the positive, on her positive steps forward, instead of dwelling on the sad tragic part of the whole thing. Honestly, it feels surreal.

Nevertheless, I sincerely hope your day was good! Thanks for hangin' in there with me!

TIP OF THE DAY: Remember, baby steps of improvement are what we shoud aim for. Even the dr. mentioned baby-steps today about mom, and i loved hearing that, it was so confirming of my new viewpoint. "You're mom's taking baby steps. Every day she's a tiny bit better." The baby-steps concept is so helpful for me, a serial dieter/binge eater attracted to crash dieting (but i always rebound into binge eating). No more!!! I'm just living now!

And thank GOD, so is SHE!

xoxo michelle joy