Monday, June 14, 2010


Good news, i lost another pound. I weighed 292 3/4 this morning. Slowly, but surely, this vegetarian diet to conquer my binge eating is working to also produce very slow weight loss.

: 2 cups watermelon
Sn: Large green smoothie - pineapple, banana, dinosaur kale, water
Ln: 2 tofu hotdogs, whole wheat buns, ketchup and mustard and a skinny cow icecream cone
Sn: 1 english muffin, 2 tsp butter, 2 tsp jelly
Dn: eggbeaters, tons of spinach and mushrooms, 1 tsp olive oil, 2 tsp parm cheese, 1 medium baked potato, ketchup

TOTAL STEPS: 5,286 STEPS, 280 cals burned, 2.6 miles total, including walk from the hospital to the shopping center

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My mom has experienced a major setback. There was a clog in her drainage tube and it made her whole body sick again. Her kidneys slowed down, her body filled up with fluid again, her blood pressure went down. They had to put in two more drainage tubes into her surgery site, a total of 4. My father said, "She's back where she was 9 days ago."

How do we deal with setbacks? Can we overcome them? Can mom overcome this?

It seems ridiculous to talk about weight and what i ate and how much I weigh when my mom is possibly dying in the hospital.

Yet, this is what I wrote yesterday, so I'd like to share it with you. As always lately, i'm going to ask for your continued prayers for my mother's miraculous healing.

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Having Oprah on today, i noticed that she's put on weight. That's a her world.

What's so cool about Oprah is that she's up front about her struggles. She may not be happy with where she's at, but she accepts it, she shows up to the world for her public job no matter what she weighs. She makes herself look good. She has self respect. She knows she's still a force of nature...even if she IS a little fatter. Oprah will overcome her setback with weight, i'm sure. She's a mega powerful lady and she always seems to rebound.

Whether mom is strong enough to overcome this last setback is the question. Is she strong enough?

What caused the setback haunts me. They missed the clog in her drainage tube. For at least a day, they were telling us the drain had stopped draining, and what good news that was. But, it wasn't, it didn't stop draining. It was clogged, backing up into her system, infecting her whole body with bile.

Just the other day, she was fabulous, working on getting out of I.C.U., off of the ventilator, talking, joking, sitting on the side of the bed for the first time, urine flowing well, her vitals all good. And then this. A major, major setback.

I'm going to keep positive and believe that mom will overcome this. She did before. She can do it again. "Go, Ruthie, Go!" "You can DO this!" That the doctor told us to prepare for the worst and that she may not be able to overcome this, i'm going to TRY to wipe from my mind.

I layed hands on my mother last night, issuing all of my energy and love into healing her. I asked God to perform a miracle and work through me, to heal her colon, to heal her whole body, her mind, her spirit.

From her sickbed, mom was always routing ME on. Before the 2nd surgery, I was crying to her, "Mom, I gained so much weight! i can't stop eating!" She got mad at me and said, "Stop doing that to yourself. You can DO it! You did it before!"

And people on this blog were so supportive of me. A faithful reader, Mikelle, said, "I have total faith in you!." That blew my mind. I felt like there was NO way i was going to get better, but SHE thought i could.

The support of others helps us believe the best about ourselves, helps us raise up to BE our best selves.

And I am doing much better, maybe not fabulous, but much, much better.

As mom struggles, I struggle. I've been vegging out today. For me, that's a setback. I haven't exercised yet, again, today. And I didn't yesterday. I don't "feel" like moving. I 'know' that I 'can' do it, i just don't feel like it. [subsequently, i did take a walk.]

What produces inaction? Fear of pain. Why are we so scared to hurt, a little, if it will make us BETTER????? And when you DO do it, it doesn't even cause that much discomfort.

I have to PUSH myself. Mom has to push herself.

I hope and pray that my mother does not give up the fight and that SHE pushes herself. I hope that deep inside of her, there is something fighting to push forward, to get better, to overcome. She has too much more life to experience. She has my wedding to attend. She's just gotta do it. If I can do it, she can do it.

Your positive actions forward, your energy moved forward, and of course, your prayers issued forward, will help, i believe. Not just for you, but for her and for me. We all gotta move the energy. We all gotta not give up and we all gotta keep hoping. So, please continue to send out postive vibes and prayers and energies and actions for her healing, that she will fight through this latest setback and overcome this. Do this for HER and for YOUR own progress forward. I hope we all use this opportunity to push ourselves alittle. If we can do it, so can she. If she can do it, so can we.

"Come on, mom, you did it before, you can do it again. Just like you told me. You can do it, mom!"

Thank you.

xxoo michelle joy

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