Friday, November 6, 2009

Joy and Sadness and Snoring

Good morning, Ladies,

I'm feeling a bit emotional this morning, a sadness mixed with a very joyful feeling.

The joyful feeling is due to the fact that I just got back from a lovely little walk, my first in 2 weeks. I felt exuberant being out in the cold and i was much more comfortable temperature-wise than i expected. I don't know why I let the fear of the cold stop me. I think that's some of the sadness, too. Why do i let resistance hold me back from things that make me feel so good? This morning felt just wonderful. It could have been a long walk were it for my uncomfortable shoes. I have to ditch those.

The sadness is also chemical, perhaps. For the 2nd episode in 2 months, i had a cooked food episode 2 days ago. And Cliff said he came up to tuck me into bed last night, and found me asleep already 'sawing wood.' After eating real bread and eggs, my snoring returned. "I haven't heard you snore in I don't know how long," he remarked. He knew of the incident. I fessed up right away as i need to do that for my own benefit, to be honest and forthright about my food. "What the hell happened?," Cliff demanded knowing.

I had gone from high high to low low last week. After the extremely successful 'concert' on Halloween, where i felt AWESOME singing, after having not eating too much fat and no salt for the week prior to fit into my dress, I realized the tremendous benefit the low fat had on my singing. I suffer from Reflux Laryngitis, swelling and irritation of the larynx when i overdo fat. After the Halloween gig, i 'treated' myself by high fat raw items, over and over. By the time it came to my singing lesson on Tuesday, I wasn't sounding good, swollen and irritated. The lesson, being corrected constantly and unable to phonate as well as just days ago distressed and discouraged and upset me.

So i ate more fat.

That's such a ME thing to do.

Only this time it was half a loaf of rye bread and a stick of butter and a little pasta and 4 eggs and 4 slices of white bread. Okay, i'm a binge eater and this time I succumbed to bread. It's easier to do after you break that barrier. I had a similar episode in September.

One day at a time i'm back on track.

Sorry, I actually gotta go. More another time. We have company and they want breakfast. Here's something lovely from Angela Stokes.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Five Surprising Things I've Learnt Since Releasing 160lbs...

by Angela Stokes-Monarch

My life has changed in many surprising ways since releasing 160lbs with a raw are a few of the more unexpected things I've come to understand/recognise:

1. The more giving, open-hearted and generous I am, the more the universe seems to deliver yumminess straight back at me, in abundance...

2. The more I listen to and honour the promptings of the 'still, small voice within', the more effortlessly and synchronously my life seems to flow...

3. I cannot make other peoples' choices for them, including what they eat, how they treat me or any of their reactions...

4. Don't take anything personally (kudos to Don Miguel Ruiz especially for this gem ;). If people are behaving towards me in a way that I find confusing or rude, I find it most useful now to recognise that it is their OWN stuff they are acting out towards me and to send them blessings and let go of it... ;)

5. I have a choice in every single moment to spiral my energy upwards or downwards – life is open to interpretation and misery is always a choice ;)

I trust you're enjoying your own inner and outer explorations too...what surprises you?

With effortless, breathtaking beauty abounding,

Ms. Stokes-Monarch. xxx

xoxox michelle joy

1 comment:

Rebecca Troutman said...

Forgive yourself, lovely. You are just trying to make yourself happy, remember? Tomorrow is a new day.