Wednesday, November 18, 2009

DAY EIGHT: Meredith and Michelle Support Club!

Morning, Ladies,

Boy, i've been getting more emails from you lately. That is so nice. Thank you for your support! Write more! Your letters really cheer me up, even if you don't always agree, it's nice to know someone is 'out there.'

This is the 2nd or more morning i've woken up depressed.

I wonder a few things.... If it's something clearing out of me and something i just have to feel and let pass through me... Or if it's because i've been so entirely negligent with exercise lately and have barely walked a GOOD walk for over 3 weeks (one of those weeks i was sick, the others, it rained or was cold or whatever my excuse was)... (Walking raises your good mood feelings. It would do me good to have a nice one this morning.) Or if it's because i'm eating low fat and not numbing out.... Or if it's because i'm not drinking enough fluids? Or, if it's a result of eating [cue sound effects for doom and gloom: "da da da da"] COOKED food. Boy, that would really suck if it was. I really LIKE it.

One of the things people say when they go raw is how much energy they have. I don't think i've been waking up happy and cheery and bursting with energy. I usually wake up with an odd feeling, i feel somehow more aware than when my body is filled with lots of fatty food, but not what you would call energetic. Alot of things seem to be coming to the surface that i haven't thought of for a long time. Usually my first thought, though, is if i'm gonna take a shit, and how much weight i think i lost.

I can't lie, losing another 1/2 lb doesn't send me reeling. So far i've lost 18.5 lbs this past week and a day. That's pretty freaking stupendous, but when i don't see the scale moving down significantly, it does worry me. "Am i doing the right thing, etc..." When a person gets such amazing results it fills you with confidence that you must be doing it right. When you don't get results, no, no, let me rephrase, when I don't get results, i start to doubt, worry, get insecure.... Half or most of my problems are how i am just super reactive. It would do me good to start meditating again.

Anyway, i'd better get my mojo back because MARVELOUS MEGAN is coming over today to clean and organize in another one of our fabulous sessions, i'm soo pleased! I contracted her for 50 hours and after today's session, she will be near the halfway mark, yay! Now the basement is clean, the dining room and living room and kitchen are lovely. I think we'll tackle the back bedroom today and if we have time bring more dishes down from my kitchen upstairs. (Since Cliff's mom moved to the retirement home, we're in her kitchen now.) It will be SO nice to finally have this house functioning better. We have an 100 year old home that was built without closets, so have super duper big storage problems. Megan's helping us.

Now for another M: [Cue drum roll] Okay, this morning or tomorrow morning i will be receiving my package of food from MARVELOUS MEREDITH! I'm blesses with a lot of "M's" in my life right now! We'll see how the food made it through the mail system, if it held up, stayed in one peice and stayed cold. I don't know how to feel about it right now, i'm just waiting till it comes. I do know how much i appreciate the hard work that Meredith put into making it. For those of you in the Boulder, CO area, you really need to get connected to Meredith. She is THE most talented raw Chef that i know and an inspiration. She's really trying to help me and look at me, Ms. Cooked Soup. It's absolutely NOTHING personal. It's just where i'm at right now. But, i feel badly about not jumping on the raw boat as i expected to. This all started with the soups before we connected.

I feel like you know some people are democrats and some are republicans and the minute you announce that at a party, there's an instant divide. It's so awful this whole controversy between cooked and raw and how much percentage raw and cooked and who does what and how you view them, then. Most people don't advertize daily everything they eat on a blog so it doesn't become such an issue.

If i can manage to go back to 100% raw for a few days or longer, it will be interesting to see if there is a difference in how i feel. It would be quite interesting to see, i'm just super concerned about preserving how well my voice has been doing. It loves low fat. Can you imagine taking a Canary and putting a clamp around it's throat so it couldn't sing? That's how i feel when i get reflux. The life choked out of me, the song choked out of me. A singer sings.

Well, we shall see!


Breakfast: bowl Fuhrman soup

Lunch: 4 Tangerines, 1 banana

Snack: 1 baked potato plain

Dinner: Fuhrman soup

Snack: soy milk warmed with raw chocolate and agave

3 reasons i love me: 1) because i really helped my parents today to get along better and to compromise while they picked out wall colors for the house 2) because even though i am experimenting with something new and scary, there is something that feels bigger than me guiding me and i'm feeling surprisingly okay about doing something so...radically different from what i was doing 3) because other people relate to me. i got 2 emails today from people who could relate and it felt good.

3 ways i got on track: 1) i took a walk with my mom outside and really enjoyed it. 2) i snacked on fruit 3) i stayed away from fat which isn't good for my reflux. My singing has been good!

Goals: finish dishes tonight and get ready for Megan's visit tomorrow. Megan is helping me organize the house over the next several weeks. so things are moving and shaking in the right direction!!!

xoxox michelle joy

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