YOU'LL EAT WHAT YOU WANT - WHAT DO YOU WANT?

MJ: Dear Dr. D, I have a friend who lost over 100 lbs eating gourmet raw. Why is life so unfair? I can't lose weight eating gourmet because i overeat and binge, and plus, i get reflux laryngitis from all of the fat, and i get bloated and swollen from the salt. I envy the gourmet raw foodists...

DrD: Do you really honestly believe that their grass is greener? Would you want to live with no fruit? Many raw fooders eat zero fruit. What a life, using sweeteners and rationalizing that that is ok, but fruit isn't.

MJ: I don't feel good from gourmet, yet i envy them. I'm sorry i'm being honest, but i'll try to stop doing that because it causes me pain. I used to know how to cut off compulsive emotional reactions when i was meditating, i should start that again. The truth of the matter is, they can have a little raw cheezecake, and i eat the whole cheezecake, plus, i get reflux and can't sing (my god given gift) so, no, raw gourmet never really worked for me, if i were being 100% completely and totally honest, but i still want some. Even though I usually also can't control myself.

DrD: Yet you still want it. What road do you want to go down? When you drive, there are tons of interesting roads, but the ONLY one you go down is the one that will take you where you truly want to go. Where do you want to go? Decide, and take that road. The others are just distractions, not to be noticed if you truly have your eye on your goal. So, do you want to do what works best for your body, or just go for the excitotoxins?

MJ: My whole LIFE i've been going for the excitotoxins, so you have to understand that doing what makes my body feel better and have no reflux is pretty much a new thing.

DrD: Have you had enough reflux yet, or are you still longing for it, figuring when you burn out your guts or your throat, the doctors will perform a miracle and transplant new guts or vocal cords for you?

MJ: I had a taste of 80-10-10 last summer and looked good and felt good, got rid of reflux and food cravings and binges, lost weight super fast, and wanted THAT again, so that's when i contacted you. It may be a struggle and you may want to strangle me if i talk about wanting food alot. I'll try my best to control myself and my reactions and what i write!!!

DrD: I need you to be honest, but I need you to really think about your goals, and why you asked for my help. Because you WILL eat what you truly want most, Michelle. So, you are of two minds, clearly. Which will prevail? The one you feed, the one you think about, the one you give energy to.

MJ: I'm singing in a fruitarian festival next week. All of the dishes will be salt free and no fat. Can i maybe get a little something that's NOT a banana????

DrD: When and where is this festival?

MJ: Aug 21st - next weekend www.VibrantLivingFestival.com. It's an Arnold's Way festival. Arnold wanted to for the first time not have MY cashew-based excitotoxic food at a festival. I've made the food at 2 of his festivals so far, very fattening raw and delicious, lots and lots of fat. This time, he asked one of our chefs who is basically fruitarian to come up with something much much lighter.

DrD: Congrats. Give Arnold a kiss on the cheek from me, would you? Tell him I said, "mazel tov." We can discuss what will be correct for the festival, OK?

MJ: Holy, moly, wowy kazowy. Megan will have mango salad, and zucchini spagehetti with basil/mint sauce or tomato sauce - all with no salt and no or very little fat as far as i know - definitely zero nuts.

DrD: It's a week away. Let's discuss it a week from now. Focus on what you are going towards, rather than what you are moving away from, please, and see how things change for the better for you.

MJ: I know, i know i have to change. It sucks!!! I'll work on it.

DrD: I want you to go towards what you want, what you really want, and to do so with joy. When you get something that you know is better, say, a detailed long email instead of post card from a friend, do you mourn the post card?

MJ: I will begin more focusing on what i want...and i won't think of food, but what i want for my body and life!

DrD: Now you're talking. Hey, congratulations - it's week 3 tomorrow! Starting on Day 15, you "discover" another food growing on Banana Island, Michelle. Lettuce, all types of it, right there on the island. You may have as much as you like, whenever you want it, prepped any way you care to have it. This will be your last week on the island, btw, so plan to enjoy as much as you humanly can. Bananas will continue to play a major role in your diet on Week 4, but likely just for one meal per day, your lunch meal.

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TODAY

Dear Dr. D - I had a MARVELOUS singing practice this morning, yay! I got "it" back. Alot of what happens to me has to do with misdirected energy. The energy yesterday was stuck using the wrong kind of effort. Today i allowed myself...or let myself sing, instead of trying so hard using force... What a lesson...what a difference, wow!!!

My energy is great today, really flowing, i feel very good today. Took a great walk, over an hour!

[LATER] LOTS and LOTS of food thoughts this evening...but i'm trying to constantly review your last email in my mind asking myself, "what do i want?" because, as you say, "i will eat what i want."

I looked at some pictures of myself tonight...some from when i was doing well on 80-10-10, last summer, and my face and body looked good....alittle over 50 lbs slimmer and no salt retention. I look pretty. I love the way i look on no salt. I also saw pictures of myself when i am bloated and heavier and not looking so good. I don't like when i look badly, yet i seem to think very frequently about food and cooked food.

Today some people in a table near me were eating chinese food and it smelled so good and made me want it. I know, I reacted...to the stimulation and it made me want chinese food. I know it is within my control to allow these food thoughts...to allow them to take up space in my head and to ruminate on them...or not to, but i'm still allowing them. It's like mental masterbation or something. No, it's more like an obsession. Even at the expense of my health, my weight, my voice, i still want FOOD.

I will continue to ask myself what i want...and hopefully i will keep doing the right thing and begin to make peace with being raw long term.

When i initially went raw, i never went through this. I was so sure!!!!

Now i want everything i "can't have."

I know my voice has never been better than when i am on 80-10-10. Fat and my voice just don't go together. I suffer terribly from reflux laryngitis (i don't get heartburn, i get hoarse and swollen vocal cords.) God has given me a very, very special gift, and i owe it to him and myself to take care of it with what i eat. Basically, that's the only reason i have to keep staying on this that makes sense to me...for the sake of my voice... And perhaps some day in the near future, i can do professional opera auditions, be thinner, in fabulous voice, and make my dreams come true.

I keep having to ask myself tonight what i want.

I should do alot of writing on what i want.

So far, i haven't veered off track yet, so that's a positive sign....

Looking forward to hearing from you.



xoxo michelle joy