THE WORST CRAMPS OF MY LIFE!

The first day of my first menstrual period on Dr. D's plan felt like it was going to kill me - the WORST, i mean, the WORST cramps of my entire life. Sweating, faint, intensely painful unending cramps, slumped over on the toilet, moaning, rocking in bed, couldn't find a place for myself, running back and forth from the bathroom to the bed, splashing water on myself, crying, in complete and total agony, for hours, massaging my belly without relief...trying every position for relief and nothing... It felt...as if i would imagine it would be, like giving birth. I have had bad periods, but nothing like this.

Sweating, half dazed and barely able to find the right keys on the computer, i typed out with one finger while the other hand held my head up, "Dr.D, Help! I have my period and i feel like i'm dying...the worst cramps of my life...sweating, can't get off the toilet..., can you call me?" and i left my phone number. Expecting a call, i took the phone and went back up to bed. The 5 trips to the toilet seemed to help my stomach settle, and since i hoped i'd get help soon, I was settling down. I fell asleep for 3.5 hours.

No call from D.

But i did receive this charming note concerning my many trips to the bathroom:

"Congratulations. You are losing weight, just like you hoped."

Wow, Dr. D, thanks! Thanks for the comforting words and the comforting phone call. What a sweet guy. I should have known by now that Mr. Arrogant Buy A Wig was not a real compassionate guy.

He did send instructions for a massage technique to reduce the cramps.

"Here's what you do.
Lay down on your bed.
Put the middle finger of one hand at the bottom of your breast bone. You might even feel a little "cup" there in the bone. Rub the rim.
Put the middle finger of the other hand on the middle of your pubic symphysis, the place where your pubic bones come together at the front, a small distance above your clitoris.
Likely one or both of those spots is going to feel somewhat tender. Rub them both. Within a few minutes, you should feel some relief.
Breathe as though you wanted to relax.
Let me know how it goes."

Uh, I can't even find the bottom of my breastbone under all of my fat!

And i'd fallen asleep before i'd even received his response.

I reported to him the following, hoping for some clarification about what i'd just gone through and about what else i could do to help it. "i suppose that means i'm in a pretty big cleanse? i went number two many times. I had watermelon this morning and that was it. No appetite yesterday, Cliff's cooked food smelled disgusting, and frankly i don't want to put anything in my belly that might upset it again. I just drank a little water."

Here's D's response: "Glad you're OK."

Wow, D, thank you for all of the insight!!!

Well, i suppose i am in a pretty big cleanse. I can ascertain that for myself, thank you very much.

Nothing like THAT has ever happened to me before, and i'm glad i chose to just trust the process and not take Aleve like i normally do. I lived through it. And today, though i am cramp-y, it's nothing like yesterday when i was so sick, i could barely make it down the steps to the computer to call for help.

I think i will avoid food until i'm feeling beter and just drink some agua. I think since D did not supply any further insight into how to deal with my terrible period, foodwise, i will trust my instincts and lack of appetite.

Has anyone ever had a massively painful period like this on raw or 80-10-10 before? Do tell! They say fruit is the most cleansing food, and i'm beginning to believe it. I'd been raw for 3 years previously, but never had a diet of almost 100% fruit, and have never experienced a period like this before. Anyone? Anyone?

xoxo michelle joy