Sunday, August 8, 2010


Morning Folks,

It's promised to be another gorgeous day here in Philadelphia!

Do you know....I feel happy and hopeful for the future again!

Remember last summer, when i was on 80-10-10, and walking daily, losing and feeling great about me? I feel right back "there!" I took my first walk yesterday since being on Banana Island, and it went quite well. Something about being on 80-10-10 makes me feel good - not depressed - elevated moodd - lots of energy - motivated - desirious of exercise. I feel so good about this, i can't even express it to you. I am so 100% sure that i made the right decision to work with Dr. Graham.

I really resisted.

80-10-10....just fruit? maybe some greens? hardly any fat? no salt? It's not exactly the pleasure palace of desire and lust that i usually lean towards.

But, you know what? I think Dr. D is right. Aiming for HAPPINESS is much more satisfying than focusing one's life on getting PLEASURE

Remember when i kept saying, "it's not the food, it's not the food making me binge" when i was eating cooked and temporarily in control of myself? Well, the control never lasted. It was always very short term. Those moments were amazing. "I can have it all! Cooked food pleasure, AND control, yes!!!"

I don't know. I must be missing a gene or something. Normal people can control cooked normal food with no problem. Me? It never lasts for very long.

If you were to ask me today, "Michelle, do you think it was the FOOD making you binge....or your emotions?" Today, i'd say, "it is the food that made me binge." When it all comes down to it, okay, yes, it's ultimately ME making that choice, but i choose FRIED, FATTY, FATTY and FRIED every time if i had the choice. Dr. D said, 'If heroin didn't make us sick and addicted, we'd all be doing it all day!'

And, what's that funny joke about dogs and their balls? "Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can!" Haha, it FEELS good. If there were no consequences, i'd still be eating onion rings. But, alas, they made me sick, fat, tired, compulsive, depressed and hopeless.

Eating bananas (only) this week has restored me to that old wonderful place, a magical place of peace and joy and motivation. This is the joy that PureRawJoy was founded from.

Fried Onion rings excite me, but make me feel exhausted and depressed. Bananas are boring, but make me feel GOOD and lose weight. In other words, they are good for me.

Let's continue the "food=relationship" that Dr. D suggested. If food were a lover, which kind of lover would it be....? Well, that depends on the food!

If a fried onion ring were my lover, his name would be Ricardo! He'd be burnished tan and let his chest hair hang out of his shirt. Haha!

Ah, yes, Ricardo is so enticing! What a flirt! Sex with Ricardo is hot and exciting and spicy and i can't get enough of it. He is so exciting to be with! We go out together all of the time! Unfortunately, he's abusive and says bad things to me and make me feel bad. I can't help it, but I'm addicted to his abusive love, and not able to get out from the ring of his control. He's suffocating! He has no heart, it's like he's empty in the middle. And I keep getting weaker and weaker, and fatter and fatter, while Ricardo becomes more and more abusive. I'm so depressed. I've lost my motivation for life and sit around watching TV all day and only want him. But he's never there when i want him, and only around at certain times. I have to call to order him to come back home!!! What's more, I never feel fulfilled by his love, so i go out looking for other lovers, compulsively. Ricardo is beginning to dominate me and is getting more and more controlling, abusing me more and more. And after being with me, he turns cold and pulls away from me. I feel so bad after I'm with him! What was the initial attraction? I must be crazy! He's greasy. He smells bad, and wears too much cologne. I can smell him from a mile away! I thought he was so hot and buff, but he's really just weak and scrawny underneath it all. Emotionally, he falls apart at the drop of a hat. Inside, he's mush. There's nothing to him. He's a coward, he has no balls, no character.

Would i really want to live with a guy like this????

If a banana were my lover, his name would be Benny. Ahh, yes, Benny, my dear Benny. He's gentle. He's unassuming. He's kind, nurturing and loving. Okay, Benny's kinda boring and soft spoken, but our times together are always so pleasant and fulfilling. When i think about it, i really do enjoy being with him immensely. He's very natural. No, he is never as exciting as Ricardo. But, there is something about Benny's loyalty that really pulled me in. Benny's available all of the time, whenever i need him. He's always right there, ready to be with me. I feel comforted by him. My soul feels good around him. The more and more time i spend with him, the more i want him. I thrive in my relationship with Benny! I feel good about me. I feel good about us, though i STILL can't help missing Ricardo's spicyness and sexiness at times - God, that Ricardo just pulls me in! But, I enjoy life so much more with Benny. I enjoy fine walks in the beautiful air with him. I feel better about myself and everyone says i look terrific. I have so much more energy for life with Benny! The more time i spend with Benny, the more and more rich in spirit and personality he seems. There are layers to his personality i never realized at first. What an idiot i was to almost break up with him! He becomes more and more amazing to me everyday and I'm beginning to feel lucky. He's a real people person and always wants to be connected to me and others. And, he is so sweet! The more i know him, the sweeter and sweeter he gets! Yeah, sometimes he can be bland, but, i can't help it - i've fallen completely and madely in love with him. Some people can't understand the attraction because he's so meek and mild, but when they spend time with him, they eventually understand what a fabulous substantial guy he is. Everyone who gets to know him thinks he is the king of guys! Sex is gentle and kind and loving...and playful! When i undress him, he loves when i peel off his layers of clothes! God, he smells good...natural...and sweet! And I didn't know how buff and strong he was underneath it all. And what a character, that guy is solid through and through. But he's a softy at heart. He's the opposite of Ricardo, he's so nurturing and loving! Benny and I go everywhere together! What adventures we've had. I think i'm going to stick with Benny for a very, very long time.

Aren't i a lucky girl???

Which lover would you choose?

Hey, lemme know if you come up with anymore lover attributes for each 'guy!' This was fun and creative to think about!

xoxo michelle joy


Anonymous said...

Great progress and descriptions. I have nothing to add. Keep eating with Benny the Banana.

Prayers for your Mom and your continued success.

Carol McC

Debbie said...

Are you blending any of the bananas or eating them straight up?

'Pure Raw Joy'! HELLO TO ALL! said...

Hey Carol and Debbie, Thanks for saying Hi. I would say i eat about 1/2 of the bananas straight up, and the other half have been frozen and i blend them. At first, i was eating about 30 bananas a day. I don't want so many anymore, so sometimes it's not even 20. Okay, ciao!