Wednesday, August 19, 2009


Hello dear ladies,

Yesterday i did a good amount of exercise, walked twice and even did water walking in the pool gym. (I then went and taught an in-home cooking class...we had so much fun. Pics will be forthcoming.)

At the pool, there is this huge peice of inspirational artwork that states, "You can't achieve anything unless you expect it of yourself."

Man, i passed by that thing how many times waterwalking and just kept reading it over and over. When i first started doing the laps, i couldn't believe that i could do an entire half an hour of this drudgery. And i kept reading that statement, and i kept amazing myself how everytime i read that, it strengthened me more and more. And soon enough, my mind was occupied with the goings on in the pool, and everytime i looked up at the clock, another 5 mins had passed. 30 mins was so simple, at that point, i could have easily done an hour, but Cliff was waiting for me and i'd already exercised some earlier. Turned out i even walked more that evening.

So, back to the statement: "You can't achieve anything unless you expect it of yourself." It is so true. No wonder i've been having a tough time. I've probably been expecting THAT of myself. Failure can beget failure if you let it. It snowballs.

Confidence is such an issue often.

The Secret teaches that we attract into our lives what our thoughts are putting out. If we don't 'program' ourselves for success, we don't achieve success. I remember and forget these principles so often. It's good to be here to have the opportunity to be reminded of it. Each time i re-remember, i become empowered again. Someday i will have it mastered, i hope!

Food wise, i did great yesterday. I felt panicy after the cooking class, like i wanted to eat something 'good', raw cheese and raw bread, but i didn't, and went to bed. Why? I expected better of myself. I thought about the consequences and they didn't appeal to me. Reflux. Weight gain. The pain would cost more than the pleasure.

Today i work. Will i binge?

Not if i don't expect it of myself.

I've had SO MANY, COUNTLESS days at work feeling out of control with food.

And then i've had NUMEROUS days where i've been completely in control.

What was the difference?

ME. And what i expected of myself.

On the days i've had success, i begin to brim with confidence, i begin to realize, 'Heck, i can DO this."

On the days i go in there feeling fearful of failure, i attract what i'm paying attention to, and fail.

On the days i do well at work, i focus on not what i CAN'T eat, but i what i CAN eat.

If i would like today to be a saltfree low fat recovery day, i can eat smoothies galore, whips, nori wraps with no salt, chopped salads with raw steak, zucchini spaghetti with indian spiced tomato sauce and nutritional yeast. yum. all good. i enjoy it all. and what's more, when i wake up in the morning, i weigh less and look better and don't have reflux.

What we dream, we can achieve. What we believe, we can achieve. What we focus on and think about, we can achieve.

When we are in fear and visualizing the bad stuff, how we'll fail, what we want to binge on, we will...binge, fail.

When we focus on being proactive: mentally focusing in: "this is how i'm going to achieve my goal...." Make a plan. Expect to stick to it. Somehow we find the strength to achieve those goals. Because we've expected it of ourselves.

You know how you always performed better in school for the teachers who really believed in you???? Performance is strongly influenced by confidence, by high expectations.

I'm worth it to do well today. I lost 2 lbs just from yesterday, just by doing a little more exercise and a lot less salt and fat, and a lot less food overall and nothing dehydrated. I love it but it stays in your gut longer than fruit and veggies.

And my BEST SELF wants to be in the 250's again. Because i LOOK better and FEEL better and can INSPIRE others more. Damn, all of this hard work to be a quitter or a failure????? Or a chronic binge eater???? I expect more of me.

We all have a lower man and a higher man, religious concepts, but i think we can all relate. We all have that sin self, that ego, that person inside of us that wants to destroy us, and then we have that other side, that connected to spirit self. Maybe some people have overcome their destructive side sufficiently to not even struggle with it anymore. Unfortunately, i still get pulled in. But, with a snap of my fingers, i can pull myself out.

God made man to pull power from him, from the good side. And when we don't, we get into trouble. Our sin self becomes empowered. And we start to identify with it, like that's US. We're failures. We're binge eaters.

It's not true. We may have indulged in bad behaviors, but that's not who we are. We are spirits shelled in a body. And we NEED to be spiritually fed to prosper and succeed. I forget this. Remembering is so good. Feels empowering. Like i can do anything.

Afterall, what is being raw all about? Health and fitness. Not gluttony and weight gain. Do i really want to go to the RAW SPIRIT FEST and talk about my failures? Or about my successes? Won't talking about my successes bring about successes in others??? Isn't that what this is supposed to be all about???? Ultimately helping helping myself?

My sin-self or gluttonous self loves to overeat nutspreads and gorge on salty salty salty things. The self-gratification of binge eating makes me feel TEMPORARILY GOOD.....BUT ULTIMATELY, BAD. Sure, it may calm the nerves, and tantalize the taste buds, but at what cost?????

When i really get CLEAR about all of this, the choice seems logical. Focus on what i want. And do it.

I re-read my little column on the left side of my blog last night.

I have strayed from my initial goal. Which was to bring a little gourmet into a basically 80-10-10 diet.

In case you haven't noticed - it's a hard goal. It's been difficult. The last week, i was all gourmet. I barely ate any veggies. Lots of nuts. LOTS of salt. Lots of crackers. I should know better by now. But, it's a journey....

I was zonked last night and didn't get to practice my opera role. i did, however, vocalize with a CD i use occassionally. That was a good session.

So, I will do well today at work if i expect it of myself.

I thank you all for your support!

OH, I sold one copy of the "RAW INSPIRATION, LIVING DYNAMICALLY WITH RAW FOOD" books by Lisa Montgomery already. Won't you consider buying one? I've bought a bundle! I think you will love it! It's a very inspirational book!

I'll write down my food today and will report back later.

xoxo michelle joy

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