STRESS!

Hello Folks,

Here is my upcoming schedule:

• Wed 8/19 : Private In Home Food Prep Class
• Sun 8/23: Private In Home Food Prep Class
• Friday 8/28-8/30: Speak & Sing : "RAW SPIRIT FEST" - WASHINGTON, D.C.
• Tue 9/1: Rehearsal for Mozart's "Don Giovanni"
• Tue 9/8: Rehearsal for Mozart's "Don Giovanni"
• Sun 9/13: Perform "Don Giovanni" in Lansdale, PA at DOCK WOODS
• Fri 9/18: Possible catering job - Micheal Beckwith - Tinley Temple, Broad Street, Phila
• Sat 9/26: Speak and Sing at DEVON POTLUCK
• Wed 9/30: Perform "From Opera to Broadway" - Masonic Village, Lafayette Hill, PA
• Sun 10/18: Perform "From Opera to Broadway" - Unitarian Universalist House in Phila
• Wed 10/21: Perform "From Opera to Broadway" - Ann's Choice in Warminster, PA
• Tue 10/27: Perform "From Opera to Broadway" - Abramson House in Phila
  
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How are you ladies today??? I'm feeling STRESSED.

I know that my heavy upcoming schedule is fueling this stress. It was important to me to write it all down. To kind of set it in front of me and acknowledge it. I am going to have to take serious measures, namely meditation, to calm down and get through all of this in one peice. Either that, or i will gain 30 lbs by the time i'm through with it all in November. This is not an acceptable option to me, but something that could likely happen should i not detach emotionally from the stress of it all and get my eating back in control.

I did well with my food for 1/2 of the day yesterday. It was a work day. I would have been thrilled had the day continued as the first half of the day: Green smoothies with no dates, nori wraps with no salt, no avo. At some point, i started eating the raw living bread, and then it went to pot. 10 peices later and a fat raw chocolate bar and a raw vegan pizza and more raw bread and nutcheeze.

I declined to weigh myself this morning since it would have been rubbing salt in an already huge wound. I just have to look in the mirror to know how i'm doing. Bloaty bloat bloat.

I keep telling myself this morning, "I can lose 12 lbs in 4 days by juicing". (I've already done that once.) And keep saying to myself, "it's not REAL weight. It's all dehydrated stuff in my gut, and lots of salt."

Some kind of a cleanse or a fast would help me get back in balance. It wouldn't necessarily SOLVE the binge issue, but i would feel better. I wonder if it would exacerbate the binge issue at this point??? You know, fall off and binge even worse???

Fairburn says gaining weight itself can trigger more binge eating and weight gain. Do i REALLY want this to snowball??? Do i do a fast and get rid of the weight quickly as i've done in the past? Kind of like a restorative cleanse ala the kind raw foodists do all of the time.

Or do i just hanker down. Eat when i'm hungry. Eat what pleases me. Write it down. Be sure not to overeat. Exercise. Make peace with the weight gain. Try to mozy on ahead. ???

Which approach do i take?????

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Stress Relief
I had a great singing practice last night. I'm on a good roll with this, thank god. I sang through the first half of the opera and it's coming back to me more and more. Vocally, much of it feels "connected," "grounded" in my body, and good. Some of it is troublesome. I will work out the kinks soon enough, but am feeling good about the progress i am making.

I know that the more and more i work on the opera, the less and less i'll be stressed.

I think my nervous system is just on overload and it is fueling the eating. Yes, i have to get back to taking serious measures to keep it in check. Either a smoothie fast or a juice fast or 80-10-10 or just commit to moderate eating, writing my food down or planning my meals or something. I must get back in control for ME, for the sake of my voice and my upcoming performances.

I will begin writing my food down again. Today. Promise. Don't know which approach seems right.

RAW SPIRIT FEST!!!
For God's sake, i had not even MENTIONED i was traveling to the RAW SPIRIT FEST to speak and sing. This has been so unconscious, but something that is truly worrying me. I mean, i'm supposed to have overcome all of this!!! I'm supposed to be a success story!

The fact is, i'm not perfect, far from it. But SO MUCH BETTER. You think this is bad??? Ha. You should have been there when it was 6 hamburgers and 6 fries and 6 cokes and desserts and fried chicken and tacos...all within one hour in one sitting.

This is actually HUGE IMPROVEMENT!!! I'm still maintaining a humongous weight loss and have never had this kind of success with my weight before. I mentioned it before, but i'll mention it again. I used to have to gain 100+ lbs back before i even REALIZED it was time to get back in control. So, i am being sincerely honest when i say that i am so much better.

I'm not where i want to be, but thank god, i'm not where i used to be.

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Well, much more to say as always, but time to walk.

Third day in a row. That's good at least.

No, stop. Alot is good. I'm doing good things. I need to acknowledge that. I write. I do jobs. I work. I cleaned the tub and the bathmat and both A/C filters this morning. I did the dishes last night. I did like 4 loads of laundry. I had a good 1/2 day at work foodwise. I walk. I sang a good practice. I'm not a complete disaster.

I will get the food in order and i will make the upcoming months the successes that they deserve to be!!! The better in control i am, the better my work/performance will be. The better i am, the more I can inspire others to do better.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for being there for me.

TODAY's food/activity
exercise: 20 mins walk outside, 30 mins water walking, 15 mins walk around neighborhood
activity: taught a 3 hour in home cooking class
food: 1 herbal unsweetened iced tea
1.5 lbs green grapes
3 glasses chocolate banana strawberry shake (bananas, cacao, agave, strawberries, ice, water)
2 glasses snickerdoodle shake: banana, hemp seeds, cinnamon, nutmeg, tiny bit of celtic salt, agave.

Much love, Michelle Joy xoxoo