Sunday, October 18, 2009

A Wonderful Sunday!

Hiya Friends,

I feel really excited right now! I had some really great experiences with food, and with singing today! It was a pure raw joy day!

I had a concert at the Unitarian Universalist House of a program I do with my accompanist, Alex, called "From Opera To Broadway." There are two images of us above, one from our concert today, oops, sorry it came out on the bottom, and sorry you have to crook your neck to see it; and one from our concert two weeks ago on top. In "Opera To Broadway," we survey vocal and pianistic solos from Puccini, Gershwin, Rodgers and Hammerstein, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Lerner and Lowe. The audiences just LOVE it!

Working my new singing technique, i experienced more freedom in my singing and better control, although i'm still struggling somewhat. I still have lots of work to do to perfect my new way of singing, i still fell back into bad habits today, but at least I'm more aware of them.

Last night, however, at an open mike night i sang at, i sang 4 numbers, i was really ON and was able to incorporate my new technique almost exclusively in the songs I sang and felt SUPER free and able to be as expressive as i wanted to be. It felt so wonderful. Today's concert was much earlier in the day and i wasn't as warmed up as i should have been, so the outcome was not as successful as last night's singing, yet, still, i see much improvement. Lesson learned on warming up enough.

After the concert, there was a lovely reception and a yummy fresh fruit salad was offered. What a treat to chomp on fresh pineapple! But, the pineapple only whet my appetite... By the time the reception was over, it was 5p.m. and i hadn't eaten since 10:30a.m. I was SOOO hungry!!!!

Well, hungry is good! I felt like a 'treat,' not a 'binge,' but a 'treat,' so i headed over to Whole Foods for a BIG yummy salad and some "Awesome Foods" flax crackers. Normally, this could have turned into a binge, this trip to Whole Foods, but something has clicked in my head working the new "breakaway" stop-binge eating program. I stayed "conscious," listened and was aware of my thoughts, my hunger, and let that still small voice inside, the quietest voice speak the loudest.

Somehow, i was more able to make better choices, more able to listen to my hunger and address it, more able to stop when i'd had enough.

After my salad, i felt sorry i hadn't bought anything chocolately because i really wanted something chocolately and i was getting ready to head back into Whole Foods for an "Awesome Foods" raw chocolate fudge bar, but, boy, was i ever happy to remember i could make some raw hot chocolate at home, thank you, Meredith!!!! ( for her raw marshmellows recipe!!!) and have a leftover "Bliss Ball" from the open mike night.

When i got home, i blended up in the vitamix, water, raw cacao, agave, vanilla, celtic salt and sunflower seeds into a frappy blend. I let one serving whir until it was warm. Mmmmm, it hit the spot. A few flax crackers with leftover curry walnut pate (this stuff i made was so freakin' good, it tasted like curry flavored chopped liver, i'm going to call a version of it, "CHOPPED LOVER" instead. Is that brilliant or what???), followed by 2 bliss balls completed a gourmet meal, NOT A BINGE, that was happy, to LIVE for, peaceful mentally, and just plain wonderful.

No berating mental thoughts, no dieting, no rebelling, just LIVING. If i never lose another pound, this is how i'd like to live.

All of the 80-10-10 stuff is way cool and an excellent cleanse, and much simpler way to live for many folks out there. But for me, i have to learn how not to binge first, to be present and enjoy my food before i go that extreme again. This makes SENSE to me. "Dieting" by way of 80-10-10 as a reaction to binge eating gourmet wasn't really the answer i was looking for. I still never gained control over my erratic eating. I was either black or white. Today i was GREY and it's a wonderful color. I feel HOPEFUL! In becoming more aware of my thoughts that have driven me to eat in the past, in becoming more attuned to my wants and desires, i suddenly feel able to enjoy food guilt-free, without it ever escalating into a negative thing.

This is living!

xoxoxo michelle joy

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