Beginning Blog Weight: 277
FRIDAY WEIGH IN(new weeekly weigh in day): 250 lbs
Total Blog Loss: 27 lbs in 5 weeks!
NEW GOAL: 249 - only 1 lb away!!
TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS: 175 lbs
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Good morning, Folks! This is me and Shawna Morris in the redwood forrest of Northern California! You know what this photo says, "We're hanging in there!" Yeahhhh!!!!! With support, we can do ANYTHING!!!! Shawna has started a new blog dedicated to supporting her raw diet, http://mydailyrind.com/ and her raw website is: http://gotgreensrevolution.com/! Shawna is THE BEST. Please support her!
ESTABLISHING THE WEEKLY WEIGH IN
I have decided to not weigh in until NEXT FRIDAY. I think this gives me a chance to psychologically overcome the damage done yesterday, still hold onto what i did lose weight-wise without 'robbing myself' of that success, at least mentally, and to come out smelling like a rose on the other side.
This is exactly what i did at the raw wedding. I overdid it on gourmet at the wedding reception, 3 plates of food, 3 peices of cake, then went home to the Morris' to have some more treats of raw hummus on bread, i was STUFFED, it was a binge. I woke up THE NEXT MORNING (unable to weigh myself which was probably a blessing as i saw no scale), and said to myself, 'okay, that was ONE day, THIS is another, and got right back on 80-10-10, as if nothing happened!
I ended up losing over a pound that week. And you know what? That was pretty thrilling.
PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE
I think expecting myself to lose a pound a DAY is a bit much...sometimes. It was definitely too loaded the other day. BREAK 250 IN ONE DAY, MICHELLE!!!!! It was like a loaded gun put to my head. Too much pressure. I buckled.
The girls at http://www.rawfoodbootcamp.com/ do it, lose a pound a day, but, dear folks, get this.......i have heard it from the horses mouth, from Carlene Jones herself, the creator of rawfoodbootcamp, and this is a direct quote from her,
"NONE OF THE GIRLS AT BOOTCAMP HAVE EVER MAINTAINED ANY OF THE WEIGHT THEY HAVE LOST AT BOOTCAMP IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF RAWFOODBOOTCAMP.COM" ~~~~Carlene Jones, http://www.rawfoodbootcamp.com/
Carlene has started a new experimental program with higher fat and more treats BECAUSE OF THIS.
So, if i have to go a little slower to MAINTAIN this loss, to stop the bingeing, to make weight loss less extreme and more sustained, that is what i will do. And that is all i can expect from myself as a human being.
Weight Watchers only suggests losing 2 lbs a week, afterall!
Yesterday i spotted a poster that i had made for the rawfood festival we held at Arnolds Way back in the end of May, 2009. The morning of the Lansdale Live Food Festival, I weighed 255, very close to what i weigh now. Only AFTER that, I went on that 2 week bender and gained 23 pounds back. I have finally overcome THAT 2 week setback. But, what if all along i had just aimed to LOSE SLOWER, instead of engaging in these fits and starts? 1 step forward, 2 steps back? If i had just been more MODERATE, instead of being so EXTREME and then swinging wildly from PERFECT 80-10-10 into a BINGE....i would never have HAD to gain all of that weight to be only ultimately 5 lbs LESS than i was on May 30, 2009. It is now a MONTH later and i've only succeeded in losing 5 pounds more. So, if i had gone SLOWER, i might have actually lost MORE WEIGHT ultimately.
And now that i have actually GAINED WEIGHT, i don't know how much, but i have, i'm actually NO FURTHER AHEAD than i was ONE MONTH AGO.
Whereas, if my goal were to moderate my eating and to lose 2 lbs a week, i might be 8 lbs less right now.
My point is, i'm NOT sure this extreme dieting and binging is really WORKING FOR ME. In the coming days, i would like to figure out EXACTLY what i have lost each week and see an overall picture of what i ate that week and see if i can figure how what it would take to lose 2 lbs a week, how far i can go, how much fat, etc...
SOME SORT OF MODERATION IS NEEDED
I have to figure out how to be less extreme. This is the goal.
MOVING FORWARD MAKING A PLAN
Anyway, i just feel like today, this morning, upon waking, that:
- No, i will NOT weigh myself this morning
- Yes, i will go out and walk. Cliff is bicycling
- Yes, i will listen to my body today
- Yes, i will drink a good amount of water, i'm REALLY thirsty after all of the salt
- Yes, i plan to eat watermelon when i get hungry as, yes, i know it's very cleansing, and yes, i don't like feeling bloated by salt
- Yes, i LIKE 80-10-10 and feel like returning to it, but NO, i don't like binging
- So, YES, i will create, not today, but will create a SOFT SPOT to fall of ALLOWABLE TREATS so i don't binge.
A SOFT SPOT TO FALL
Perhaps i can allow myself a few WEEKLY indulgences? Banana whips, more bananas in my smoothie, maybe 1 tsp of oil, something like that. One salty treat? I'm going to meditate of creating a list of 'indulgence' foods for EMERGENCY. Something to serve as a CUSHION BETWEEN 80-10-10 and bingeing.
I don't LIKE bingeing. It doesn't feel good. it doesn't even TASTE that good. The whole time, no, i was not in 'heaven'. Nothing tasted as good as i imagined it would, well, except the raw burger with the flax bread and the sauce. That tasted surprisingly good. Why? I was hungry. But i could have stopped there. But i didn't know HOW.
Perhaps i can add one reasonable raw gourmet meal to my EMERGENCY backup plan. Allow that, take deep breaths, no guilt, and just MOVE ON.
IN TUNE WITH HUNGER/FULLNESS
On 80-10-10, i eat whenever i'm hungry.
On gourmet binges, i eat whenever my head tells me i want to, or when my mouth wants to have a party.
Angela Stokes-Monarch eats when she's hungry. Sparingly. Actually, she drinks most of her calories. But when she eats a meal, she savors it, is very in tune, in touch.
THAT IS MY GOAL. If i am to eat a gourmet meal because i feel like i NEED something, dang, perhaps i actually DO, and if i eat it purposefully, with attention and savor it and enjoy it, what the hell is wrong with THAT?
NOTHING!!!!
THAT IS MY GOAL.
BINGEING? THAT IS WHAT I WANT TO AVOID FROM NOW ON.
STRESS & FEELINGS
Last night it dawned on me what may have preceeded the binge. I was upset about money. I had spent alot to get to the raw wedding union and i am now broke. i have bills to pay and only 300bucks in my account.
Someone asked me to sing at a party and i hesitated and explained to her that i lost alot of money at the last 2 singing engagements i did, which i did. Between lessons to get ready, flight, hotel, karaoke backtracks, taking singing engagements has been a financial drain instead of a way to make money. I was WAY upset about money.
I also had been feeling a little angry over something and creatively a little stifled, these are my own issues.
I also was NOT feeling PHYSICALLY well. In fact, before i even ate that first 1/2 of raw veggie steak, i felt faint and dizzy. I drank 2 coconut waters before i ever binged in an attempt to revive myself. I think i was dehydrated. (Sometimes THIRST can be confusing with HUNGER.)
TODAYS PLAN
Nevertheless, the plan today is to go back to keeping it light, drink alot, walk this morning, get stuff done in the house, straighten up the downstairs and get my suitcases unpacked, my laundry put away, to just move ON as if nothing happened, and to just weigh in on Friday.
To break 250 in a WEEK instead of a DAY seems like a MUCH SANER goal.
I CHERISH YOUR SUPPORT!
I love all of your comments, all of your emails. I love this blog and how connecting with myself and my own guiding light directs me, and seems to help others, and in helping others, it turns right back around and helps me. We are supporting each other. This has become a tremendous daily support that i have come to rely upon.
I want to thank you for being there for me. For listening to me. For encouraging me. For offering up your friendship. And in sharing your own stories with me, i realize that i am NOT ALONE. I love you all. We will do this TOGETHER.
FOOD/ACTIVITY:
BR: iced herbal tea, big bottle water
EXERCISE: 40 minute walk on Main Street during Manayunk Arts Festival
ACTIVITY: bought farmers market veggies and fruits!
ACTIVITY: Cleaned and organized kitchen from head to toe!!!
SN: 1 carton of black raspberries, yum
SN: 1/4 watermelon
LUNCH: zucchini pasta with fresh tomato sauce, basil, garlic, 1 Tbsp nutritional yeast, red pepper flakes, a little sprinkle ginger and cumin. this was double yum.
SN: 2 grapefruits
DINNER: Giant blueberry and blackraspberry smoothie with 5 bananas and a little agave. Triple yum. So much for the banana rationing!!! IT was worth it!!
xoxo michelle joy
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