BAD FOOD DAY
This is the first 'bad food' day i've had at work since the infamous 2 week gourmet bingefest that caused me to gain 23 lbs and spurned me to begin this blog almost 5 weeks ago.
2nd BINGE THIS WEEK
But this is actually my 2nd 'binge' in a week. I did lose control at the raw union wedding dinner. (But mostly everyone did as it was a celebration.) After my 2nd plate of food, i was satisfied, but i made the decision to go further, and once i cross that line, i have a hard time stopping. I did get back on track after that and was so pleased to actually LOSE weight that week. So i KNOW i can dig my way out of this.
ANGELA'S SELF CONTROL
Not everyone splurged that night at the raw wedding union feast. Angela Stokes-Monarch didn't. I watched her. She ate slowly, purposefully, savoring every bite. She eats very sparingly and has overcome her 'abuse of food'. For this, I admire her so. I have bought her new book 'Raw Emotions' and look forward to getting into it further and gaining lots of insights and sharing it with you.
80-10-10 A WAY TO STOP BINGE EATING, OR DOES THE RESTRICTION CAUSE BINGE EATING?
Plain and simple, I'm a binge eater. On 80-10-10 my tendency to binge is severely reduced, so long as I stay within the parameters of the plan. What i've been doing here is really 80-10-10 for quick weight loss. It's even more extreme than 80-10-10 with the banana reduction. But, if every time i go 'off' of it and have a flip out binge, is that confirmation that i should just NEVER GO OFF OF IT, or that i need to LEARN HOW TO GO OFF OF IT?
IS THERE A MIDDLE GROUND FOR THIS BINGE EATER?
Perhaps I need to create for myself a backup plan for those days when i just can't get myself to go in heavyduty DIET mode. Because when i begin to lose control, if i just had a safe haven 'snack' or 'snacks' i could indulge in, i might have more ability to STOP THERE. Like, say, GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION to have a huge banana whip if i need it, or a huge banana smoothie, or a raw burger in a salad. What the hell is really WRONG with that anyway??????
Not having any backup options, ANYTHING I do 'off plan' sends me off into a binge and I begin heavy into the gourmet treats, the bread, the sauces, i have a hard time stopping myself, and lose all sense of control, lose sense of my 'hunger' and 'satiety' and just kind of go nuts.
The problem is - is really that there is nothing IN BETWEEN these two extremes for me. There is 80-10-10 for weight loss. And then there's binge eating. Can there be something LESS EXTREME that i can turn to in times of need?
Is the solution NOW to create that SOMETHING in between the two extremes for myself, so that i don't have to suffer these distressing episodes anymore?
Or do i just forget it happened, get back on 80-10-10 and just deal with it again the next time it happens?
THE REALITY OF WEIGHT GAIN
I will gain weight tomorrow, not just from overeating, but from ingesting heavy dehydrated foods and salty foods, so i'll have that extra weight in my intestines that eating mostly fruit doesn't produce, and there will be the water weight. I am going to prepare myself for a 10 lb gain. It's not 10 lbs of fat, it's food and water retention.
THIS WAS SIMMERING ALL DAY....
I was on edge today. I didn't FEEL well. And i was irritable. Work in a commercial kitchen is stressful. I was also hungry. I 'knew' i wanted to do well today so that i could break 250 tomorrow morning. That felt like a pressure. Suddenly breaking 250 didn't SEEM all that important. I just wanted to FEEL BETTER. FEEL SATISFIED. Most days on 80-10-10 i do. But i didn't today. i don't know why.
I wonder if i sabotaged myself? Am i afraid of success??
I do know that i felt hungry and that my breakfast smoothie didn't really satisfy me.
My lunch i enjoyed VERY much.
But i had a constant yen for something with more banana, with a little more fat, but i kept telling myself i knew if i ate more banana, i wouldn't lose weight and break 250.
Perhaps my 'focus' and my 'attitude' was off. Perhaps i attracted this as i kept focusing on what i COULDN'T have instead of on what i COULD.
I was minorly irritated at work, just work stuff, but maybe i wanted to 'stuff' it instead of 'deal' with it?
Was this EMOTIONAL eating?
Or is this just the doings of a FAT AND SALT ADDICT?????
REACHING OUT FOR SUPPORT COULD HAVE HELPED
I am a binge eater and I was in distress. I couldn't stop thinking about eating something 'else' all morning. I held out well and had a healthy lunch. But the thought of another smoothie didn't seem satisfying. I thought of calling Cliff. Of calling out for help. Telling him i felt like eating something 'off of my program' and that i needed support. I never did make that call.
IT ALL STARTED WITH 1/2 VEGGIE BURGER....HOW NUTS!!!
I crossed a line, either in my own eating disordered mind or in my fat addicted body when i decided to eat 1/2 of a veggie steak. There was really nothing WRONG with that!!! It was actually a good 80-10-10 choice. it's salt free. And there are only a few cashews in it!!!! I could have easily stopped there.
But the whole mental obsession kind of took over. I sort of went on automatic pilot after that, there's kind of like this 'F this' attitude and I just wanted to eat stuff now i've been denying myself.
FAIRBURNS 'OVERCOMING BINGE EATING' AND LEGALIZING FOOD
Fairburn's book, "Overcoming Binge Eating" suggests writing down one's food daily, which i've been doing, and documenting everything. It also suggests 'legalizing' all foods (for me that would mean legalizing all RAW foods, including fat and salt) and learn HOW to eat these in moderation.
It DOES make sense. it's what many people i know do. It's what Dustin does. He maintains his weight loss by eating gourmet in moderation. It's what Tim and Leslie do. They eat raw food in moderation. They don't deny themselves. They just keep their portions small. They've lost weight, but they don't obsess over every little bite. They don't even weigh daily. In fact, Tim, who has lost 140 lbs, doesn't weigh in AT ALL.
80-10-10 for weight loss (no salt, 1 banana, low fat) for me has felt FREEING from the NEED to learn how to control myself within the fattier saltier world of raw food. But, perhaps in skipping OVER that important step, i'll never make permanent forward progress?
ALL OR NOTHING....OR MODERATION??????
I'm so ALL or NOTHING that MODERATING my intake of fatty salty raw food seems HARDER than just NOT EATING IT AT ALL. Until times like these, when i go off and go off of my plan and lose all control.
GOTTA FIND A SOLUTION!!!!
Do i get back on 80-10-10 and just forget this, like it never happened? Keep the fat low for several days and just kinda hope for the best? That is EXACTLY how i handled the raw wedding meal. The next day, i just got back on 80-10-10 as if nothing had ever happened.
Or do i juice for a few days to clean out even quicker, getting even MORE extreme as a solution?
Or do i begin a NEW PHASE of LEGALIZATION and do ala 'Overcoming Binge Eating' and just learn how to MODERATE tasty salty and fatty foods, and not concern myself so intensely with WEIGHT LOSS, start weighing WEEKLY instead of daily, come up with a food plan that includes LIMITED RAW BREAD, raw sauces, etc... DO I DARE LEARN HOW TO EAT IN MODERATION. ???? Uy. Scary.
FOCUS ON WEIGHT LOSS OR DON'T FOCUS ON WEIGHT LOSS?
Becoming so overly concerned with weight loss seems silly after an episode like todays because i delayed weight loss by at least a week anyway. When if i had not been so EXTREME, i might be able to enjoy fattier tasty foods IN MODERATION and just LOSE SLOWER, and I may have been able to REDUCE BINGE EATING by doing just that.
AT LEAST I'M NIPPING IT IN THE BUD
Tomorrow i'll decide what my next course of action is. One thing i know for sure is this. I will not allow this to snowball into a 2 week affair. I am nipping it in the bud with the help of this blog. And i KNOW that ultimately i will succeed in overcoming my issues with binge eating. And my weight loss continues to, with a few minor blips, move in the RIGHT DIRECTION.
Pray for me. We'll get through this TOGETHER.
~ ~ ~ ~ FOOD TODAY~ ~ ~ ~ ~
BREAKFAST: Smoothie of pineapple, peaches, mango, 1/3 head of celery, 1 Tbsp spirulina
Lunch: Chopped 'mediterranean' salad: Cuisinart S Blade chopped: parsley, cucumber, tomato, red pepper, mushroom, onion, garlic, carrot, lemon juice, zucchini. Cumin, cayenne and 1 Tbsp of tahini on top. 1 Tbsp of nutritional yeast on top. This was delicious.
Binge: [ From 3:30 until 8pm]
* 1/2 veggie steak
* 1/2 veggie steak
* 1 veggie burger
2 coconut water
1 flavored water
* 1 slice raw bread with 1/2 burger and white sauce
* 1 slice raw bread with 1/2 burger and white sauce
* 2 slices raw bread
* 3 whip samples
2 Wonder drinks
* awesome foods "spanish omelette"Was this EMOTIONAL eating?
Or is this just the doings of a FAT AND SALT ADDICT?????
REACHING OUT FOR SUPPORT COULD HAVE HELPED
I am a binge eater and I was in distress. I couldn't stop thinking about eating something 'else' all morning. I held out well and had a healthy lunch. But the thought of another smoothie didn't seem satisfying. I thought of calling Cliff. Of calling out for help. Telling him i felt like eating something 'off of my program' and that i needed support. I never did make that call.
IT ALL STARTED WITH 1/2 VEGGIE BURGER....HOW NUTS!!!
I crossed a line, either in my own eating disordered mind or in my fat addicted body when i decided to eat 1/2 of a veggie steak. There was really nothing WRONG with that!!! It was actually a good 80-10-10 choice. it's salt free. And there are only a few cashews in it!!!! I could have easily stopped there.
But the whole mental obsession kind of took over. I sort of went on automatic pilot after that, there's kind of like this 'F this' attitude and I just wanted to eat stuff now i've been denying myself.
FAIRBURNS 'OVERCOMING BINGE EATING' AND LEGALIZING FOOD
Fairburn's book, "Overcoming Binge Eating" suggests writing down one's food daily, which i've been doing, and documenting everything. It also suggests 'legalizing' all foods (for me that would mean legalizing all RAW foods, including fat and salt) and learn HOW to eat these in moderation.
It DOES make sense. it's what many people i know do. It's what Dustin does. He maintains his weight loss by eating gourmet in moderation. It's what Tim and Leslie do. They eat raw food in moderation. They don't deny themselves. They just keep their portions small. They've lost weight, but they don't obsess over every little bite. They don't even weigh daily. In fact, Tim, who has lost 140 lbs, doesn't weigh in AT ALL.
80-10-10 for weight loss (no salt, 1 banana, low fat) for me has felt FREEING from the NEED to learn how to control myself within the fattier saltier world of raw food. But, perhaps in skipping OVER that important step, i'll never make permanent forward progress?
ALL OR NOTHING....OR MODERATION??????
I'm so ALL or NOTHING that MODERATING my intake of fatty salty raw food seems HARDER than just NOT EATING IT AT ALL. Until times like these, when i go off and go off of my plan and lose all control.
GOTTA FIND A SOLUTION!!!!
Do i get back on 80-10-10 and just forget this, like it never happened? Keep the fat low for several days and just kinda hope for the best? That is EXACTLY how i handled the raw wedding meal. The next day, i just got back on 80-10-10 as if nothing had ever happened.
Or do i juice for a few days to clean out even quicker, getting even MORE extreme as a solution?
Or do i begin a NEW PHASE of LEGALIZATION and do ala 'Overcoming Binge Eating' and just learn how to MODERATE tasty salty and fatty foods, and not concern myself so intensely with WEIGHT LOSS, start weighing WEEKLY instead of daily, come up with a food plan that includes LIMITED RAW BREAD, raw sauces, etc... DO I DARE LEARN HOW TO EAT IN MODERATION. ???? Uy. Scary.
FOCUS ON WEIGHT LOSS OR DON'T FOCUS ON WEIGHT LOSS?
Becoming so overly concerned with weight loss seems silly after an episode like todays because i delayed weight loss by at least a week anyway. When if i had not been so EXTREME, i might be able to enjoy fattier tasty foods IN MODERATION and just LOSE SLOWER, and I may have been able to REDUCE BINGE EATING by doing just that.
AT LEAST I'M NIPPING IT IN THE BUD
Tomorrow i'll decide what my next course of action is. One thing i know for sure is this. I will not allow this to snowball into a 2 week affair. I am nipping it in the bud with the help of this blog. And i KNOW that ultimately i will succeed in overcoming my issues with binge eating. And my weight loss continues to, with a few minor blips, move in the RIGHT DIRECTION.
Pray for me. We'll get through this TOGETHER.
~ ~ ~ ~ FOOD TODAY~ ~ ~ ~ ~
BREAKFAST: Smoothie of pineapple, peaches, mango, 1/3 head of celery, 1 Tbsp spirulina
Lunch: Chopped 'mediterranean' salad: Cuisinart S Blade chopped: parsley, cucumber, tomato, red pepper, mushroom, onion, garlic, carrot, lemon juice, zucchini. Cumin, cayenne and 1 Tbsp of tahini on top. 1 Tbsp of nutritional yeast on top. This was delicious.
Binge: [ From 3:30 until 8pm]
* 1/2 veggie steak
* 1/2 veggie steak
* 1 veggie burger
2 coconut water
1 flavored water
* 1 slice raw bread with 1/2 burger and white sauce
* 1 slice raw bread with 1/2 burger and white sauce
* 2 slices raw bread
* 3 whip samples
2 Wonder drinks
* bag of spicy ranch kale chips
* slice Maya's cinnamon pie
* 3.5 oz seasoned raw germinated almonds
* 2 ms. meridith's chocolate covered frozen bananas
xoxo Michelle joy
2 comments:
I love the honesty of your blog. I have many of the same issues you have. I would love to have you join us at Naked Food Cafe community forum. It is a low fat raw vegan online community. Low key, no drama, super supportive bunch of fruit eaters.
I am glad I found your blog this morning as I am reading blogs and facebook because I cannot sleep becuase i went on a binge myself this week. :( We will find a way to break these habits. We will. :)
Love & Sunshine!
Connie
Hey Michelle,
I am a customer at Arnold's and have met you before (your hummus is amazing). In a about a year I have lost 130 pounds going from 275 to 145. I did not do a raw diet, but I also have very similar binging problems. I found then when I just told myself that of course I'm allowed to have anything I want, and that it will always be there, my urges to binge stopped. As soon as I tell myself that I "can't" have something, the cravings return. Try thinking about it this way: Gourmet raw meals will always be available, and you are absolutely "allowed" to have them, you just have to decide what will make you feel physically and mentally good. It takes a while, but being able to walk away from a binge is a powerful thing. Good luck.
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