Monday, September 27, 2010


MONDAY, Sept 27, 2010

Exercise: 45 mins walk with Cliff in the rain!

Brunch: 1 raw banana cacao smoothie (bananas, agave, cacao, tahini); 1 cup short grain rice with tomato sauce

Linner: a nice serving of homemade from scratch tuna cassarole with lots of yummy hand chopped veggies and no canned soup, mostly everything organic

Snack: on the road - 1 vanilla/chocolate cone; 1 soft pretzel with mustard. hungry! nice to be able to grab a snack and not have to binge anymore.

Snack after rehearsal: 2 whole grain waffles with a little butter and organic maple syrup; 1 blueberry scone. HUNGRY, but i'm finally full!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I had a lovely singing practice this afternoon!

I felt good about me and food today!

Even though i know i'm heavier, when i saw myself in window shop reflections on my walk, i just noticed, and I didn't say mean and nasty things to myself like i used to. I respect myself now and care for my own feelings. This is also helping to stop the binge, yay!

I enjoyed a bowl of rice at brunch. It was yum. You should know that rice and butter is usually a HUGE binge food for me. Instead of bingeing, I ate a agreeable sized portion, paid attention, really focused, savored, and noticed fullness approaching as I was finishing.

I realize that when i allow myself to eat what i want, give myself permission to eat and enjoy, I am satiated from a normal portion and I don't have to binge.

It's raining today! What a lovely walk Cliff and I had in the rain! Walking feels great even if i'm not on a diet. How cool to be exercising even when i'm eating "bad" food!

Rain is cleansing...and I feel cleansed, even though i'm eating cooked "crap..." you might say, glue and toxins and filling myself with dead cancer causing chemical-laden food. Ridding myself of all bad associations with cooked food, however, has enabled me to severely decrease the impulse to binge on it, and is allowing me to eat more normal portions.

I realize it's a step along my journey, and may never need to be a part of yours. Most people who go raw, probably don't have these horrible feelings about food...and they may never need to go through this process of "legalization" of food.

I'm finding it immensely healing, immensely enveloping in love and acceptance and joy and enjoyment and pleasure and freedom and adventure.

Most people feel this way when they go raw, not when they go off!

I've tried to legalize food many times before, but this time is different. I'm different. I have a different more accepting and loving perspective and have had more experience with failure on raw than i care to remember..., and I've come to a place where the realizations and learning experiences i've gone through have enabled me to finally be in a place to actually 'get this.' I'm finally ready for it. I'm losing my fear of food!

My new accepting, open and welcoming attitude toward ALL food is cleansing me, and my heart and soul and mind are free of judgement, despair, unhappiness, shame, and hopelessness. Even after eating rice with oil, I feel CLEAN.

I have my singing rehearsal tonight! So, i'll be singin' in the rain!

Late: My singing practice went well! Everyone thinks I'm so fabulous. This new place i'm in with food, and with incredible. To be having such success with both at the same time. I feel open and free.

I was so hungry afterwards! But, i feel satiated now. I didn't need to binge! i only needed to honor my hunger and address it. Hunger doesn't scare me anymore either!


I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again

I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above
The sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love

Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face

I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Just singin',
Singin' in the rain!

xoxo michelle joy

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