Sunday, September 5, 2010


I actually decided NOT to send yesterday's LONG letter to Dr. D, and sent this one, instead.

Hello, Dr. D:

I'm not doing well. I'm binge eating on cooked vegetarian again.

I wrote a long, long, LONG explanation of what happened to me the other day before I had the beans at my mom's house. I'm not sure if you have the time or inclination to read it so i won't send it unless you want to read it.

So, i'm pretty positive that 811 is not the answer for my eating disorder. I'm pretty certain I need an Eating Disorders therapist. I'm pretty sure Eating Disorders are mental illnesses and changing my food hasn't changed my head. I'm pretty sure that binge eating is caused by severe strict dieting, so in one sense the 811 is counter productive.

The crux of my problem the other day was getting OVERLY OVERLY hungry. 5 oranges did nothing to cut that, and i felt boxed into staying on the mono meal plan and keeping to meal times. I ended up eating anything that would just fill me, whatever was available. I was not prepared with bananas.

During the last month, i've lost weight, look better, and have gotten back to exercise. All good things.

We have a little under 2 months left. I'm pretty sure I won't continue after that, i'll still owe you 2,000 dollars and I'm pretty sure i'll need to get an ED therapist after we finish our work together to help me come up with some kind of plan with more leeway. The strictness of this program is good for quick weight loss, but i had an emotional crisis the other day and a physical one, intensely hungry, and the strictness backfired. I broke. Now, things are out of control again. I'll need something with more backup plans, more leeway, more flexibility in times of crisis to be able to maintain it.

No avo and no corn for quick weight loss may make sense in the short term, but if i binge and gain weight and eat cooked food again out of hunger desperation, what was the point of restricting fat so severely???

I'll do the best i can to get back on track.

I had a 45 min walk today which was almost 3 miles.

I fasted in the morning and I had melon for lunch at a memorial day party. Later, I had salad with vinaigrette. And then cole slaw with mayo. And then things went downhill after that and i had a serious binge. I lost control completely. pasta, corn chips, cupcake, onion rings, etc...


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