Thursday, July 1, 2010


FOOD Wed, June 30, 2010

Br: Watermelon
Sn: Watermelon
Ln: plate of cukes cut up, pepper rings, lettuce leaves, shaved carrot, broccoli florets, tomato
Dn: Watermelon, 2 corn on cob raw

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Well, do you wanna hear something?

I did it. One day of raw. Hell, if I can do it, damn, anybody can!

On the one hand, it was easy. The watermelon was a good transition. Sweet, lots of fluid, very filling. The salad at the hospital - eh, doable. I had mentally walked through in my mind how i would cope at the hospital. I visualized the salad bar, and saw myself taking a 'crudite' plate...just without the dip. And, really, it wasn't THAT bad. The cukes tasted nice, as did the tomato slices. Broccoli plain is kind of awful, but tolerable. The lettuce wasn't too bad. It was the dark green kind, the leafy kind.

And, on the other hand, it wasn't so easy. The pepper rings were nice, until i bit into a sour one. Damned cafeterias. I should have complained and got my money back. It was okay, though, and the hungry feeling went away. I was hungry 30 mins after the veggie plate, but couldn't imagine another one would make me feel any better, and soon the feeling passed. I did have quite a few food thoughts. They are never fun, and pull at the heartstrings. I love that soy shit and that TVP and wheatmeat stuff. I felt sorry for myself. 'You mean, i can't have any today?' But, somehow, mentally, i was able to overcome it. I told myself i could revisit eating that stuff at another time. Mind over matter. Oh, and another thing. It would have been nice to have a packet of cafeteria dressing for my salad, but since the goal was cleaning out, salty and artificial didn't really fit for today. I got over it.

Actually, it wasn't that hard. I think i'm feeling pretty determined. i looked at myself in the mirror and said, "Okay! 20 lbs less in no time!" That's pretty motivating. Suddenly, looking at myself in the mirror was not as horrifying as it has been because i finally feel some serious hope. I KNOW that in just a few days, 300 on the scale will be BYE BYE.

No fear of the future. None. Just one day at a time.

I already felt lighter walking through the hospital hallway. No kidding. After just one day. I think all of the soy stuff is so freakin' delish, but it weighs me down. After i eat it, i feel like there are rings of fat around my ankles. It is the most bizarre feeling. But, my ankles felt normal again today i suddenly realized, walking through the hallway. It was a freakin' neat feeling to return to. In one day, i felt so much better. There really is something to this raw thing.

My next step is to come up with a contract for myself. And a plan. I want to do raw better this time. I want to be able to sustain it. I can't be too strict or i'll crash and burn. I can't be too lenient or i'll lose motivation.

I need to examine more closely what worked in the past...and what didn't. I had a lot on my mind today about raw... Here is some of the stuff i was thinking about.

When i went to Whole Foods to shop, it suddenly dawned on me that i DID have bananas at the retreat. I used to make myself and my roomie a green smoothie daily, in our shared retreat condo. I'd forgotten that. But i never made banana whips. And i don't think i used agave, either. And i did have some other sweet fruit during the day in my shakes, like strawberries, maybe even mangoes. But sometimes i'd eat a mango or two before bed, and wouldn't lose weight the next day. Interesting!

Sweet fruit is an interesting topic. Arnold says to eat all you want. As does Carlene. As does Dr. Graham.

But, since OHI (the raw retreat) restricted it, and that's how i lost my initial 140 lbs which i maintained for THREE ENTIRE YEARS (basically), i'm going to try to return to a more OHI-like diet for the bulk of the next two months...and see how i fare with that.

Now, today was an almost all fruit day, but, i'll work at getting back in the OHI routine. First i gotta soak my seeds! Can't do anything without first doing that!!! Do i even HAVE any sunflower and sesame seeds? Will i use rejuvelac to ferment my seed cheese or just make the unfermented variety???

For weight loss, the banana issue is a prickly subject. I think, at this point, i'd have to agree with crazy Carlene from that too many bananas daily for obese people (with slow metabolisms) holds up weight loss. I'm going to try to come to terms with that in the best way that i can and strike a balance, hopefully. I've had plenty of green smoothies using 4 and 5 bananas, and yes, they are succulent. Then, i've had green smoothies using 1/2 banana, and they're perfectly tolerable. i do enjoy a banana whip at night, so it would probably behoove me to save my banans for later, and stay within the 2-3 bananas a day range.

Jesus, can i do that??? That is going to be hard, unless i just eat banana whips OUT and don't eat them at home. Interesting idea.

You see, i need a plan.

This discussion is helping me to formulate it.

High glycemic fruits, says Carlene, hold up weight loss in obese people with slow metabolisms. Bananas are high glycemic. No, the retreat NEVER offered bananas. Sometimes, instead of watermelon, we'd get cut up persimmons or cut up oranges, but that was IT. Never bananas. Maybe bananas should be an eat them when you're out type of food??

I couldn't hold myself back from buying the champagne mangoes i spotted at Whole Foods, even though mango, and all tropical fruits are high glycemic.

If they make weight loss discouraging, maybe they're best for trips out. ???

Watermelon for dinner today was not seed cheese and veggies, but for today, i felt okay about it. Watermelon happens to be very alkelizing to the body and is a wonderfully cleansing fruit. In fact, i feel like having some right now!

I'd really like to start the seed cheese and veggie plates for lunch and dinner. I think there may be wisdom in OHI's methods. They certainly worked for me. Gotta check and see where my seeds are!!!

Another thing i noticed at the retreat - i never got obsessed with the gourmet. I was so IN BALANCE with what the retreat was feeding me, I was FREE to enjoy gourmet outside of the retreat, but rarely overdid it.

I have to ask myself if that's not because i was eating a more BALANCED diet at the retreat which contained protein (seed cheese) and some fat daily (salt-free flax crackers and seed cheese has fat too), mostly bulky veggies and non sweet fruits, and NOT so much sweet fruit. Sweet fruit only for breakfast.

Have you ever read David Wolfe's books? He suggests we need BALANCE. For every bite of sweet fruit you eat, you should match it in GREENS and in FAT.

If i eat a lot of sweet fruit like i did on 80-10-10 and with Carlene, i had a SUPER hard time maintaining that diet without the resultant BINGE EATING on fat and huge weight gains. And maybe it was no wonder. Maybe it was just not balanced enough for me.

I NEVER felt deprived or starving or insatiable at the retreat. I felt balanced.

And sometimes i would take extra big portions of seed cheese. And still i lost 140 lbs in 8 months.

There really may have been something to that.

And notice another thing: SEED cheese. Not cashew cream. SEEDS. The retreat NEVER gave us nuts. Only seeds. Only pumpkin, sunflower, sesame. That's IT.

Why? Seeds are less fatty than nuts and more digestable.

And they ALWAYS soaked them. I RARELY soaked at home. That is a practice i must take up again too. do you realize that 40% of the fat in seeds/nuts is reduced by soaking???

Do Seeds taste as good as nuts? NO. Hell, no.

But, they're perfectly tolerable.

Shit, anything is tolerable if you make your mind up.

BUT....on my raw gourmet outtings at the retreat, i NEVER stuck to just seeds. Only AT the retreat. Outside, I ate ANYTHING raw gourmet that i wanted - guilt free. But, never at home in my retreat condo.

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Hey, that's another issue i'd like to address. What we keep at home and how that affects how well we do.

You know the other day that i "lost it" to another 2 day binge? I had just come from the supermarket.

I stocked up on lowfat icecreams (i ate two boxes that night), and packs of cheese (i finished 1.5) and bread (i ate almost a whole loaf). I was overstimulated knowing that there was so much food in the house. And i caved.

It was BETTER for me to just have my icecreams at the hospital, than to have them at HOME.

And that was how it worked for me at the retreat. I ate big slices of cashew cheese cake everytime i went out to Rancho's. But salt free seed/flax crackers at the retreat.

Something they said at Weight Watchers really touched base: "watch out with the trigger foods at home!" WISE. Gotta remember that!!!

Speaking of Rancho's, let me just go back in time mentally right now to the most incredible raw food market in San Diego. You have NO idea how amazing Rancho's is. Ranchos is a health food store, plus a cafe, plus a gourmet raw food market, plus a mexican vegetarian cafe. Ranchos is my God!!! I only EVER ate the raw stuff. Rancho's has a big salad bar with at least 5 pre-made scrumptious raw salads, raw guacamole, 2 or 3 raw salsas in it, DAILY. PLUS, a giant refrigerator stuffed - DAILY - with freshly made gourmet raw food dishes like raw falafel or raw empanadas or toona wraps or spicy kelp noodles. There were always about 5 or 6 choices in the fridge, and the selections would change daily! AMAZING.

On my outtings, I would buy ONE entree...the falafel were my favorite, get a dessert, usually a peice of cashew cheese cake, and make a nice plate of salads from the salad bar. Man, was I in pig heaven. Did i ever look forward to that!!!!!

And i never felt guilty. And it never went further. (except for twice, when i took back 4 entrees to my room, not smart.)

Feeling wonderful after that fabulous meal, i'd walk far back to the bus, walk far to the community pool and swim for an hour, and then walk home. 5, 6, 7, maybe even 10 miles or more of walking a day, plus swimming.

Exercise and eating like a queen - OUT - but like a pauper - in.

There is some serious wisdom to THAT way of living as well. Susan Aman lives like that. She eats very clean at home, then goes to town when she goes out. So does Megan. She eats super clean at home and then eats cooked vegetarian meals and raw gourmet out. She never deviates. This is how they LIVE.

Forget about all of the tempting raw chocolates and raw cookies stuffed in my cabinets at home. Not to mention the salty raw chips. I can pack away 4 bags a day.

Basically, It's stimulous overload. I just can't handle it.

That's what happened with the icecreams at home. It was a bad emotional day colliding with overstimulation at home. I was bound to fall.

Speaking of stimulous overload, the nurse said my mom was experiencing the same thing. Too many visitors. Weaning off of the ventilator is hard enough, and then to have to pay attention to people? The nurse kicked me out today. And my dad suggested maybe we oughtta give mommy and ourselves a break today. Mom did have TOO many visitors yesterday. Dad came, i came, Joe came, Ilene came, Judy came. Usually in ICU they only let visitors stay 5 mins. They've been letting us stay 5 hours. But not if it won't help mom get better. She only weaned off of the ventilator for 10 hours yesterday, instead of 12, as she did the previous day. She was just too agitated from the constant influx of visitors. If she can't wean as long, what good is that? The longer she can wean, the sooner she can talk. The sooner she can talk, the less confused and 'psychotic' she'll be. It's too her benefit to not receive too much stimulation.

And so it is with me. I NEVER kept anything i would like too much in my kitchen at the retreat (no salt, no oil, no extra avocado, no nuts). I was there to do a JOB, and i instinctively KNEW.

I need to get back to what worked.

There is such wisdom in going back to doing what works.

I'm HAPPY to be back on the raw track. This time i'll do it better.

xoxo michelle joy

1 comment:

Cosmic said...

Congratulationa Michelle! mmm mmm mmm, love, love, love watermelon:)

STOP buying the PROCESSED foods Michelle(A fellow former binge, overeater:)

Keep strong1