Thursday, July 15, 2010



Br: (R) watermelon

Sn: (R) 1/2 vitamix full of green smoothie (blueberry/banana/spinach/agave/pear)

Ln: cooked home-made vegetarian plate:
-1 homemade oatmeal/veggie burger
- cup of mushroom pasta
- steamed spiBoldnach
- slice artisan bread with irish butter (holy that good)
- cup choc almond milk

Dn: fasting...or 'sowing' to God...i hope i can do it!!!

Sn: fasting...or 'sowing' to God...i hope i can hold out!!!

Exercise: none

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12 p.m. Doing a little cooking at home right now! Not feeling fearful of cooking today, that it will set off a binge! Making some nice vegetarian stuff - steamed butternut squash and roasted eggplant for tomorrow!

I didn't eat after 5pm last night, and whew, that wasn't easy, but i did it! yay!

I'm in a much better mood today. Isn't that cool how our feelings wax and wane?

I awoke this morning with no signs of reflux laryngitis. One of the benefits of not eating for 6 hours before bedtime!

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I'm almost done reading "The Diet Alternative," by Diane Hampton. Little book, but it packs a whollop. Man, i love it! After i'm done reading it, i'm going to start again at the beginning. It has completely inspired me like nothing in a long time. I finally understand why i binge eat. And i haven't binged many days? 5? 6? It's not the FOOD! I finally understand, it's not the food!!!

I'm also further along in Geneen Roth's new book, "Women Food and God." So far, i'm not THAT impressed. Every once in a while her writing strikes a chord in me, but for the most part, i'm having a hard time understanding her! To tell you the truth, she speaks in cryptic, or poetically, and i have no idea what she means alot of the time. For instance, what does this phrase MEAN? - 'your whole life is shown by what's on your plate.' I suspect i understand, but i'd like some more fleshing out of what she means. I suppose she means that if we heavily control our food, that means we feel the world is an out of control place? Something like that. I'll let you know more the further i get.

Hampton's book, on the other hand, is CHOCK full of PRACTICAL HOW-TO wisdom. I am constantly going, "oh, wow." It just completely SPEAKS to me, gives direction and gives understanding. Yes, it's religiously oriented, and even for a jewish girl reading about Jesus, I still feel it's so ACCESSIBLE and UNDERSTANDABLE. I follow that little motto, "Take what you want...and leave the rest." So far, it's set me on a course that i haven't veered off of yet!

Roth's book, so far, is like every other frustrating binge eating book for holds out a lot of promise, but is hard to understand, contradictory or enigmatic, completely impracticle, and doesn't address the reason why we binge or really tell us how to stop. I'm only 3 chapters in, though, i'll let you know if it gets better.

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At breakfast today, i was SO hungry!!! I thought i knew what hungry felt like, but i think i really found out this morning.

When i used to eat more frequently, my hunger felt different. Now that i'm going LONG hours without eating, it's curiously LESS intense pangs!!! It's like a big deep THUD now.

And I didn't eat breakfast until after 11a.m. when my body finally said, 'hey, (thud, thud) FEED me, or you won't be able to have the energy to make it the rest of the day!"

My frequent hunger pangs before were different. They were like 'tweet, tweet!'

But, last night not eating for 6 hours before bedtime, i almost had no hunger pangs. There was no big THUD, no little tweet, tweets. I think my stomach is getting used to this! Amazing!

[And now, it's 9:30pm, i haven't eaten since 1:30pm, and i'm experiencing NO hunger pangs either! Incredible!]

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Guess what, Jan, we ate our first child!!!! (Jan and i have been chatting about my tomato plants.) Well, the first big red baby was absolutely delicious!!!!! I haven't tasted such a good tomato in a long time. This was Cliff and my first time growing our own food. It is SO fun!!! Highly recommended!!!

Oh, i forgot, we ate our first baby green pepper the other day!

But, the tomatoes, man, did we have to wait long!!!

Our first little baby, the one we just ate, we named Ruthie (after my mom)! Ruthie was delish! And Bernie...will be ripe any day now!!! I joked with Jan that when Cliff comes home from work, he often says, "Have you checked on the children?" (meaning our tomatoes!!!!)

We feel so blessed to be a part of watching and participating in life blossoming daily!

And eating that life? SCRUMPTIOUS!

I'm a baby killer!!! Hey, I'm worse than Andrea Yates...i kill....and then EAT my children! Call me Hannibal Yates!

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My green smoothie this morning was delicious. The blueberries turned it an army green color, but the taste was fabulous.

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I couldn't hold out (to drink the other half of the smoothie canister) and had my cooked meal earlier than usual!!! Dad called to say i should come to the hospital later, and it kinda threw my plans off whack. I was going to do my routine - finish the smoothie, have some cherries, and eat dinner around 4pm. I had been jonesing for a Whole Foods meal. You know how much i love that seitan crap. Man-oh-man-o-sche-witz! But, since i wasn't going to be going to Whole Foods, since i would go to the hospital later, maybe i would eat what i had in the fridge???

The tummy rumbled again and again and didn't say 'green smoothie!'

My cooked veggie meal was super yummy with no guilty feelings, or 'condemnation' voices afterwards telling me i'm bad or to eat the whole thing and go on a binge.

Just satisfaction. That's SERIOUS improvement!

My lunch was pretty fatty, cooked non diet style with olive oil, and i had luscious bread and butter, so now i think i understand the measly 2 lb loss. I'd have to cut the fat seriously to lose more.....

But, Hampton's book suggested another way.

For people with 100 lbs or more to lose, Hampton suggests eating only ONE meal a day!

Wow, now that is RADICAL!!! But, it's something i find so appealing. I get to eat pleasurable meals like regular pasta with cheese, veggie burgers, real bread and butter... and because of the overall reduced caloric intake, still lose weight?????


And since i've been having all of the raw all morning...i'm still doing 60-75% raw.

I think i'm going to try it today!!! I've had my morning routine of fruit and green smoothie, then a cooked lunch, so i'll try today to not eat anything else for the day!

I'm choosing to retain my morning fruit and green addition to the one meal.

I'll let you know how i do!!

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I did GREAT!!!

But, my belly hurt somewhat today...and i felt low energy. That's cooked food for you.

I bought some cashews and am going to experiment with one raw gourmet meal this week and see how my belly and energy feel!

xoxo michelle joy

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