Life, behavior, emotions...can sometimes be so fascinating. One day you feel awful, you do awful. The very next day, something clicks internally...and you feel better, you do better, you have more hope, where just 24 hours ago, you felt hopeless.
I'm just grateful for the change. I feel better.
Come to think of it, i had quite a few sessions, where i laid my heart and my pain out to friends, loved ones, cried over feeling hopeless. Maybe that cleared a path to a brighter day? I even cried to God on several occassions.
So today is all good news. I didn't binge last night, again, but chose watermelon as a snack before bed, and took my Betaine and my D.E. All good things for myself. And ended up having a 75% raw day yesterday.
'Self Discipline' is my new reminder catch phrase to myself. When i feel like doing something bad (binge eating), i tell myself that i'm giving that up for today to be better and to be closer to myself and to God. It seems to be working.
A lovely person suggested on one of my recent posts that i read a christian book on overcoming binge eating, called, "THE DIET ALTERNATIVE" by Diane Hampton. Coincidentally, i believe i own that book. I know i've read it. As for it being a Christian book, I'm jewish, but i've always been open religiously. How could i not be, being a person with such uncontrollable desires. I've been searching my whole life for the 'answer,' no matter what religion it would come from.
Being reminded of the message of the book, to "give up" meals for "God" and for "righteousness" somehow makes sense to me. I've been feeling so hopeless...like, "somebody tell me what to do to stop eating and get back on track!" and the message of this book is just that: stop eating. I chuckle at the simplicity. The book suggests that very overweight people with binge eating eat only ONE meal a day, and the rest of the day FAST in honor of God and in honor of getting healthier and stopping the 'sin' of gluttony. This one meal should contain nothing 'diet,' but whatever you 'want.' Self deprivation the whole day to indulge in a meal of total pleasure. Interesting concept. David Letterman lost all of his excess weight doing this, eating one meal a day.
This concept somehow resonates with me - giving up food...for God, no matter what religion i am. I've been feeling very much like the raw all day is my way of doing just this - FASTING from cooked food for 3/4 of the day - for God and for me and for righteousness.
Even after one day, i feel better. Physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Cliffy and I had watermelon for breakfast out on the porch. We didn't even care that it was drizzling out :-))
We're heading out to visit my mom, and his mom, and then to the mall for a drizzly Saturday out together.
I packed a handy raw bag to get me through the morning, and am looking forward to a cooked vegan dinner. That seemed to work out really well yesterday, and i'm feeling a little groove trying to form: simple raw all day, cooked vegan dinner, fruit or yogurt as a nighttime snack.
In my bag today, i have 2 big bottles of green smoothie, 4 ears of raw corn, 8 nectarines and peaches. That oughtta hold me until dinner.
Blessings to you on your journey. Just remember, everyday is a new day and after you clear out the emotional muck, new hope arises.
xoxo michelle joy
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