Sunday, May 30, 2010


Okay, time for a refreshing distraction from my mother's hospital recovery and from constant fear and crying.

Beautiful Kaitlin graduated Swarthmore College today with a degree in Sociology and Anthropology. She's a lovely dancer, as well, and just a lovely girl with a truly beautiful, gentle spirit.

Kaitlin and her mother hired Susan and I to cater her graduation party and we were blessed and honored to be asked. As with last week's catering at Colin's "You Are The Gift" party, this party was to be mostly raw as well, and all vegan, with the exception of raw honey.

Kaitlin's family traveled far and wide to attend her graduation and party - half of her family traveled from Ohio, the other half from Indiana. She rented the social hall of her condo for the entire day for her family to gather and chat and catch up and celebrate...and eat!

Susan and I prepared:
*Veggie Crudite with Red Pepper Tahini Dip...yummo
*Asian Black Bean and Wild Rice Salad - it's really yummy with a garlicy blackbean sauce and asian veggies
*Tropical Vegan Chili slightly sweet with mangoes and slightly spicy with a nice afterkick
*Raw pesto pizzas (they are so yummy, i just ate like 4 of them, softened from absorbing the pesto into the crunchy living bread - they are like little round pesto 'tostadas!'
*Raw Orange Thai Broccoli Salad with a ginger/garlic cashew dressing
*a lovely big salad with creamy cashew Dijon vinaigrette
*hearty whole grain baguettes and vegan butter
*Raw mushrooms stuffed with raw walnut herb pate...mmmm!
*an Assortment of date-nut confections

Everyone really enjoyed everything! All of our work was not for naught!

All of the tablewear was biodegradable...the plates were made from corn, the cups from corn, the utensils from corn, the napkins were ecofriendly napkins.

Kaitlin's family seemed very interested to hear all about raw and about the compostable tablewear. Susan is such a great educator, she jumped right in to explaining about the differences between raw vegan, and vegan, and vegetarian to Kaitline's meat-eating family.

Kaitlin wanted to have the party food how SHE likes to eat...and to open her family's eyes to her beautiful way of living. From all of the feedback, they really enjoyed it!!! Raw food is so much more than carrot and celery sticks....!!! Although ALL of those were GONE tonight!!! The crudite was eaten all up!!!

Cliff is searching madly for the cord that goes from the camera to the computer. I wish i could show you the pictures from tonight. When we find the cord, we'll play catch up from these last two parties.

My mom is having a very difficult recovery from the surgery. The drainage 'balloon' is still constantly needing to be emptied. I'm so worried and spent the entire ride home tonight from Swarthmore crying and crying and asking God to save my mother and make her stay alive and heal her and take her pain away. I humbly ask for your prayers.

I had a nice awareness about my large weight gain today. If i take the emotional sting out of it...and just "pretend" i'm like a pregnant woman who has gained weight, i can more easily get myself back on track. When pregnant ladies gain weight, they know that during their pregnancy, they will experience a time of EXPANSION. They eat and enjoy food and don't usually feel too badly about the weight gain. When it's time to lose it, they go through a time of CONTRACTION (no, not uterin contractions!!!) They KNOW that they CAN lose the weight. They work out. They eat lighter. They just DO it. They work hard. And they have FAITH.

I've been so guilt-ridden, so depressed and distraught over gaining, i've felt hopeless about losing it. My "emotional intelligence" when it comes to FOOD and WEIGHT is obviously very LOW. Fear, Fear, Fear.

If i take the stance of the un-emotional weight gain of the pregnant woman - just accept that these last weeks have been an unfortunate time of EXPANSION for me...but now it's time to do the opposite, suddenly i feel hopeful again. It feels like a new mental space to look at and view this unfortunate state i have allowed myself to get in.

When i was a child, my mother severely controlled my food. She was trying to help. She hid food from me. My father commented often on my weight gain.

I've been wondering why my friend, Susan, has not mentioned anything about my drastic weight gain. And then i asked myself if it was really her place to. I have made the obvious choices to eat and overeat and binge and subsequently gain. She has given me the freedom to make those choices, and just accepts me where i'm at. I'm so used to being controlled, to having my food having my weight be such an issue, that that freedom feels odd. But i realized today, that it's really MY choice what i do. Susan can't do it for me. And she knows that. Only I can make the choices i need to.

Susan explained to me today how she deals with minor weight gains. (Susan eats cooked food and will gain then.) She goes back on green smoothies and chopped salads with no oil and on salt/oil-free gaspacho for several days until she loses the pounds.

Wow. So, she has a ROUTINE of how to MANAGE her weight. She expands...and then contracts...and accepts that as normal. She has times of great self indulgence...and then times of great self denial.

Wow. So, i'm not so abnormal. I just take things WAY further than her. I'm SCARED of my expansion...and allow it to get out of control...and she doesn't. She's got a cap on 5 lbs.

So far, i'm probably about 60 lbs heavier than i was last summer. (Deep breathing...i must STOP reacting emotionally to that...and move ON with the solution...instead of living in the problem.)

Thank you for your constant support.

xoxo michelle joy

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