Friday, May 7, 2010


Hello, all you raw fans out there! -22 lbs today!

Isn't it nice to have Michelley back on track???? I feel so grateful.

Yesterday, I drank green smoothie until 3pm!!! When i woke up, i had a few oranges, some lemon water, then a few glasses of green smoothie. My mother makes the BEST! I was starving soon and made some more. Then when i got to work, i had several more glasses when i was hungry. Soon, i was hungry again and had about 3 glasses of spiralina smoothie over several hours. Before i knew it, it was 3pm. I was hungry again and had a big salad with raw burger on it and some dressing containing nama shoyu and olive oil. I had a little more smoothie later and that was that.

Not sure calorically how much i'm taking in. I'm simply eating when i'm hungry. That's the only thing i'm doing, and trying to get in as many smoothies as i can. I'm NOT focusing on losing QUICK, but on eating sensible raw meals outside of my smoothie time. I hope this will work well for me.

Drinking smoothies until 3pm was totally cool, and actually a fabulous strategy for work. No more picking on raw bread as soon as i get in and ending up eating 2 dehydrator trays worth. I have a big appetite, so i might as well fill up on green smoothies!

I'm going to trust in the process and stop worrying about quick weight loss. I didn't lose anything this morning, but nama shoyu bloats me. I should stop weighing myself. But, it actually felt like info gathering instead of becoming something to beat myself up over this morning. I found it curious that i weighed the same today instead of discouraging. I'm not in a race.

I haven't been formally exercising yet. I've been so busy. But, Arnold is a severe task master, he's not letting me slide! I'll go for a walk before work this morning.

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I wanted to talk about EMOTIONS.

Remember i was saying, "It's not what you're eating, it's what's eating YOU," that i didn't think that was true? Let me elaborate on that. The Green Gorilla Book says that we must discipline our food so that emotionally, mentally and spiritually, we are healthy. I really was so incredibly rocked by that teaching. I have ALWAYS found that when my food was disciplined, i functioned better.

That said, yesterday was a challenging day at work because it was busy, and with busy comes stress, and i felt some strong emotions. EEK!

Right then and there, i realized that i had a choice. The choice was - to feel my emotions and just let them go and eat healthfully WHEN HUNGRY.

Or to stuff them.

I used to stuff them at work. I'd start grabbing for the nutcheese and the raw bread and start snacking when i wasn't hungry, instead eating when i was STRESSED.

It took discipline to drink my smoothies until 3pm yesterday, but i found the discipline to benefit me tremendously.

I chose to be self-disciplined (the green gorilla book talks about self discipline in such a cool way that it actually makes you WANT to do it), continue with green smoothies instead of compulsively snacking, and then when the busyiness calmed down at work, i chose a sensible salad for lunch. From a calm state, i could choose wisely.

This experience of allowing myself to feel my strong emotions, to not eat over them, but to stay on green smoothies, and then to have the presence of mind to choose a sensible lunch was very profound. I don't know what i'm trying to say or even if anybody relates or follows what i'm trying to say, but something about this experience was truly meaningful to me.

It taught me a few things. Firstly, green smoothies help me by calming cravings. The more green smoothies i drink the less cravings for raw bread i apparently have. I looked at it yesterday and it didn't seem particularly like i wanted to dive in face first. Secondly, feeling my strong emotions is not that scary. They soon leave. Thirdly, making rational decisions about meals is best done in a calm state. Fourthly, drinking green smoothies at work worked for me and helped me to not snack. I said that already. Maybe i can't say it enough.

Yes, emotions can drive us to eat, if we chose to make that choice, i've apparently been doing it since i'm an embryo. In that sense, "it's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you," is a very wise statement. It asks us to discover, "WHAT IS EATING AT YOU?"

I've been eating emotionally my whole life. A lot of things ate at me. I didn't know how to just feel my feelings, be proactive, get my needs met, communicate my feelings, set boundaries, confront people. I didn't know how to do that. In essence, becoming an emotional eater, i never DEVELOPED those skills. When i felt a strong emotion, i just ATE.

I assume this is the same for other people who eat emotionally. We feel bad, we eat bad, if it's a bad choice, it will make us feel bad not only physically, but effect us spiritually, emotionally, mentally (according to the Green Gorilla book), we'll feel guilty and ashamed, and then we'll tend to pick up things that temporarily make us feel better, only to ultimately feel bad again, and on and on. You gain weight. You feel worse. You eat worse. It's a vicous cycle.

On the other hand, we can make a different choice. We can feel our feelings and not EAT over them.

By using self-discipline, by having a food plan, (mine is 100% raw today with lots of green smoothies), we discipline ourselves to our certain regiment, and in staying on that and not USING FOOD to numb our emotions, but allow ourselves to feel them (they eventually dissappate, or we address them), we can make sane food choices within our program from a calm state, we consequently feel GREAT and continue to make good choices, we feel GREAT, we continue to make good choices. It is also a compounding thing. The better you do and the better you feel the better choices you continue to make.

When we make bad food choices, that compounds, and we continue to make bad choices.

We're coming from two different places. When we react emotionally, it's probably EGO driving us. When we eat from that calm sane place, it's our HIGHER POWER leading us.

Being in that HIGHER POWER place is a blessing and gives us the presence of mind to MAKE A COMMITTMENT, STICK TO IT, and just LEARN TO COPE.

Self awareness is key. Listening to yourself. Being very aware of your thoughts, of your desires and from where they are coming is key.

So, the statement, "it's not what you're eating, it's what's eating YOU," is a kind of a cool statement to make us realize the POWER of emotions and how they play such a huge role in our food lives. Yes, we can choose to eat emotionally. But, when we eat emotionally, i can guarantee you that it is not food that is good for us. It's usually ego-gratifying food: pizza, eggrolls. And we will feel like shit and we will pick them up again and feel like shit and the ball won't stop snowballing. At least this is how i am.

Now, within the raw realm, i am allowing myself some little treats. A few bites of raw bread, a little olive oil. I THINK because of the POWER of the GREEN SMOOTHIES to calm cravings, things are not snowballing out of control for me thus far. I am merely grateful.

That said, not EVERYONE needs or even WANTS to stay 100% raw. I had a conversation with one of my best friends yesterday who is embarking on a raw program, but she does not strive to be 100% raw. She is finding her way and aiming to control herself to small quantities and feel guilt-free about the non-raw food choices she makes. So far, she is doing fabulously. Bravo, Jan! She is discovering how much of certain non-raw foods she can eat without feeling intensely stimulated and going overboard. This is something we all have to figure out. We ALL have to find our way. Basically, we need to know WHO we are and what our OWN PERSONAL LIMITATIONS are. Today, if i have a peice of pizza, i don't think i could stop at one. If you can, god bless ya! Go for it!

Take my catering partner, Susan. She eats meat. Guilt-free. She also eats a diet of about 90% raw fruits and vegetables, minimimal salt and fat. She eats so cleanly, and then she eats some good stuff, too. She is maintaining a 50 lb weight loss. She stops eating at 6 or 7 pm. She is doing what works for her and thriving. She proudly states, "i eat everything." She doesn't STRIVE to be 100% raw.

Then, there is ME. I tried to have a little. At the time, over the last 6 months, i couldn't make it work. I ended up gaining over 50 lbs. That's MY story. So, i'm back 100% raw for ME. To address MY present needs.

All in all, this is what i wanted to impart: we need to feel our feelings, we need to recognize that some foods can cause us to desire them in greater quantities and we each have personal limitations in this regards, we need to find a disciplined program that works for us, we need to drink a lot of green smoothies if we tend to eat emotionally - i really think they're helping.

This was kind of a long diatribe and i'm not sure if it made sense, but i hope you got something from it.

xoxo michelle joy

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