Here's me last night at home.
I went to bed at 9:30pm last night absolutely exhausted, and awoke at 3a.m., thinking about the upcoming catering job for the Beckwith event.
I've been up since then, doing computer work for Arnolds Way and for the catering job. So i'll be taking a nap early this afternoon. yawnnnnn!
Today's agenda is: dishes, laundry and practice my opera. Maybe a stroll outside. The weather is divine...cool and sunny!
eeek. I have my first opera rehearsal tonight. I feel woefully underprepared. Although i've done the role before, i've not had the time or motivation or health to dedicate the time needed these past weeks to relearning.
On the physical realm, the reflux is gone, thank god. With the severe reduction in fats and salt, the swelling is gone on two fronts. Swelling from acidity and swelling from excess salt. So, i can physically move forward and I will do the best i can today to continue to review and we shall see how tonight goes. I have 13 days from today until the performance, so hopefully i can get it all together.
Boohoo, I weighed in this morning at 3a.m. and was dissappointed to weigh the same as yesterday, but i've not gone to the bathroom yet, so i'm hoping for some kind of a loss. Maybe a nice big fat 1 lb poopy.
This freakin' 80-10-10 diet seems like an awful lot of effort and suffering for little or no loss. In my mind i should continue to lose 4 lbs a day!!!
I had nagging hunger yesterday all day, and ate alot again.
It's 9am and i haven't had anything to eat yet. I'm not hungry yet...and would like to wait until i get hungry, but more importantly, would like to wait to pass a giant 10 lb dood, so i can lose again. Wish me luck.
Since you unfortunately cannot access my fitday results, i'll go back to writing my food down here. That's a shame. Fitday is so cool.
Yesterday, i honestly lost track of everything i ate because i ate so frequently and what felt like so much, but i kept feeling hungry. Maybe i should drink a gladss of water before i eat some fruit. I shared a chocolate shake with cliff that had 1.5 tsps of hemp in each serving for breakfast. I had a total of 1.5 round medium sized watermelons. I shared an orange banana shake with him later. i had one cup of leftover green smoothie. i had a salad with greens, tomato, cucumber, garlic, onion and 1 tsp of tahini, lemon juice, raw vinegar. NOT delicious, but tolerable. Can't remember what else i ate! I had a few servings of noni and a big glass of reconstituted green barley juice - Barley Max.
I'm in a pretty serious detox. Feel kinda out of it and tired most of the time and irritable often, especially in the eves. This morning, i'm actually starting to feel better, cheery, awake, motivated, so that's good. But, when i feel badly, I can't say this is a very pleasant place to be in, yet, it's much improved from 8 lbs ago, so i am indeed grateful for that!!!
I love to complain, I do :-))) And feeling lousy is no fun. Detox is no fun. But, i'm happier when i look in the mirror and feel 'proud' of myself for having the cajonies to have taken the reigns and turned a pretty awful episode around.
So much of life was stuck in the horror and hell of binge eating. So, it's NICE to be finally FREE again... Again is the worrisome word. How long will THIS respite last????
I think also that without the excess fat, i'm really feeling....very raw, emotionally. Do i stay here...just FEEL the LOSS, FEEL the PAIN...feel the discomfort? Or find a plan that pads that a bit???
I do feel a bit sorry for myself. This is quite a departure from the decadence of raw toona and flax bread. Do i really want to be thin...THAT badly????
It's either THIS ....or learn to control myself!!!!
Wishing you all a wonderful day.
xoxox michelle joy