Saturday, September 26, 2009

Pure Raw Joy Morning :-))

Mornin' Folks,

Here's what i ate yesterday. I weighed in this morning at 261.5. That's -4.5 in one day. That's a pure raw joy morning!

FOOD/ACTIVITY from Saturday, Sept 26th, 2009

: 4 small glasses mixed veggie juice: carrot, celery, broccoli, asparagus, red/yellow/orange peppers, parsley, lemon

Lunch: last cup of juice. large banana peach hemp smoothie (4 bananas, 2 peaches, hemp seeds, vanilla, agave) I was hungry and wanted something more than just juice. I'm okay with this. I had a great morning. I can do more juice in the morning.

Exercise: 20 min walk uphill

Snack: hungry - banana shake with bananas, homemade raw chocolate syrup (cacao, agave, vanilla, celtic salt)

POTLUCK: Plate of raw veggies and fruit...ONLY!!! I am so happy someone brought fresh fruit and crudite!

Snack: hungry! - Coconut vanilla banana shake: vanilla, bananas, coconut flakes, agave

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I spoke and sang at the Devon Potluck last night. It was SO nice. I had such a good time. Now the potluck is disbanding...what a dissappointment!

Because I have to sing a music rehearsal this morning, i stayed light with the food at the potluck and all day yesterday. Thank God I was able to do that. I had been getting pretty discouraged with myself.

I had planned on doing juice all day yesterday, but just couldn't gag another glass down by 2pm.

But, that's okay.

I did fine the rest of the day. Low fat. Lots of fruit. Back to what a "recovery day" used to be like for me. It felt like "coming home."

And at the potluck, I did great. I ate fruit and crudite and it felt good to at least reign myself in.

I don't know why it always turns out, however, that i have to do 80-10-10 in the most opportune moments to actually ENJOY and INDULGE in gourmet raw. It's totally insane. I pig out in secret and then eat 'diet' in public. Why can't i figure out a way to diet at home and pig out in public??? That would make MUCH more sense...and be MUCH better for my figure!!!! pig out on gourmet...when everyone else does!!!

Under the circumstances, though, it was the right choice to make, for me, tonight, knowing i have a vocal rehearsal today and a singing lesson on Tuesday and a vocal performance on Wednesday.

Because of the lighter choices, I will be even less bloated and have less reflux laryngitis because of the lighter choices i made tonight. If you don't know yet, reflux laryngitis is when i wake up sounding like a bass because of eating too much fat. Some people experience reflux as heartburn. I get it in the throat. Lucky me!

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Intellectually, i DO think it would be better to have a more balanced relationship with food.

The confusing thing is the conflicting messages I keep receiving from the universe. Tonight my good friends, Tim and Leslie, were at the Potluck. Tim has lost 140lbs and eats whatever raw gourmet he wants. The catch is - he runs at least 10 miles a day, so he's burning everything up. AND he is not a binge eater. AND he eats lowfat during the day. (He eats sunflower seed cheeze on his salads daily as a dressing. NO OLIVE OIL.)

This 'lighter' approach to "nuts"...eating soaked a wonderful strategy to keep the fat lower. When seeds are soaked, they reduce in fat by 40%, and seeds are much lower in fat, anyway, than nuts.

Tim eats whatever he wants at potlucks, but i noticed tonight he did NOT overindulge.

That is the difference between ME and HIM. He eats gourmet...and then stops when he's had enough.

I overindulge, hiding, lose control, and end up binge eating almost always.

Anyway, Tim constantly talks to me about his purposeful avoidance of deprivation by eating raw goodies daily. He says, "it's a mindset." I get that. I really DO believe a person can achieve what they want by just desiring it and believing it is possible. If he avoids being deprived, it's because he knows that deprivation makes him go overboard.

This is pure "Overcoming Binge Eating" philosophy. This is really what i wish to accomplish.

But he DOES eat a huge amount of raw healthy things like green smoothies, etc... And doesn't do "black and white" like me: either out of control gourmet or completely in control 80-10-10.

To me, Tim is a prime example of someone who 'has it ALL,' someone who has found balance AND eats what they like, want and enjoy, AND keeps his weight off, or even loses. Amazing. My hero!

And Tim keeps encouraging me to start running like him. He promises the weight will just fall off and i can eat what i want. You know, i DO believe this somewhat because since i've been walking more, i actually didn't gain AS MUCH as i did in that initial 2 weeks of gaining 26 lbs that had me start this blog. It'd been about 3 weeks and only 16. THAT's because i was still walking regularly.

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Another viewpoint:

I received a wonderful comment to my last posting from "Swayze", which ALSO makes so much sense, and uncannily addresses MY issue of losing control and cravings so specifically, but is diametrically oppossed to Tim's way of living.
"Hi Michelle, So sorry to hear about your struggling. I've definitely been there. For me, I had to go 100% healthy, low fat raw vegan (no salt) to kick the cravings. Even one taste of salt or anything cooked (no matter how bland) would send me over the edge. I think even more important than what you eat is your mindset. I was not able to stick with low fat raw until I was completely dedicated to it. Before, I would say that I wanted to go 80/10/10, but having just a little bit of something salty or fatty was always in the back of my mind. If even the slightest cravings came around, I gave in."

Sounds like Swayze is thriving doing 80-10-10, has lost her cravings and is committed to this way of eating...indefinitely.

You go girl! I know how you feel. When i was doing 80-10-10, i felt so FREE of cravings. It was amazing.

And Meredith of reiterated just how powerful juicing is for her in her daily diet. I will be juicing again today!

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Nevertheless, i realized something tonight, speaking at the potluck. I may still be struggling, but I'm NOT a failure...though sometimes i feel like one.

But I'm not one, because i haven't given up yet.

I may drive you crazy going around and around and around on the same topic, but it WILL all eventually come to a head and the path will be lit.

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Doing 80-10-10ish at the potluck felt FINE. i SAW all of the wonderful food there and i KNOW i would have loved it, but it wasn't hard not to indulge. Forefront in my mind was my upcoming singing engagements.

I hope I will sing better in my upcoming singing than i sang tonight! I am still swollen with reflux and didn't get to warm up much when i sang. The more swollen I am and the less i can warm up, the less 'control' i have over my voice.

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Anyway, on the topic of food - If you don't eat something, you don't miss it. It's when you eat it, you think 'how could i EVER live without that?'

I don't miss cooked meat hamburgers. Because i stopped eating them. If i ate them again, i'd miss them.

I think this just all depends on what i WANT. Do i WANT to do 80-10-10, or don't i? Do i want to eat gourmet moderately, or don't i? As both Swayze AND Tim say, "it's all a mindset." I do firmly believe whatever i set my mind to, i can acheive.


What do i want? Whatever i WANT, set my mind to.

It's really been good to receive comments. I SOOOO appreciate it.

So tell me, what do YOU want? And what are You achieving? I really want to hear from you all. What works? What doesn't? Where are YOU with all of this?

Much love, xoxo michelle joy

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