Friday, September 4, 2009


Hiya, Ladies,

Cliff and I are watching the Disney movie, "Earth." Pretty extraordinary footage. Have you seen it? We're just watching the poor polor bear attacking the walruses, oh my. Poor thing, he's so hungry and there's no ice left for him to hunt from. What are we doing to this planet with global warming???

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Another great food day at work. I think i'm just an 'addict' and this is how i'm going to have to eat at work for my own sanity. It's so easy, i can't quite believe it.

No salt. No tasting. Just following my plan of greens, fruit, very limited fat and no salt, no dehydrated.

Yesterday i ate:
  • Big green smoothie for breakfast
  • Noni juice & barley max as a pre-breakfast
  • cacao banana smoothie midmorning with 1/2 small spoon of hemp seed
  • salad with tons of chopped veggies, 1/4 of an avo, lemon and nutritional yeast for lunch
  • 2 mango whips for mid afternoon
  • late in the day some grapes and later 2 grapefruits
  • before closing two apples
  • At home hungry, late, 2 corn on the cob and some cacao banana smoothie, no hemp, topped with 2 teaspoons of coconut shreds.

Everytime i ate it was because i was hungry. NOT because i was thinking about food. That's how it is when i binge. It's infinitely better THIS way. I have never binged on 80-10-10ish food. Why would i? I had one of the women writing me say she could binge on apples. I've never binged on apples. Hell, when i binge, believe you me, it will be on something ULTRA FATTY and SALTY!!!!!!!! Yummy, yummy, yum, yum!!!!

Overall i lost 11.5 lbs since last Saturday. I've stayed the same weight, 255 for the past few days, so the bulk of that loss was water weight. Do you hear me complaining?????

What i find so extraordinary is that there is no struggle. No STRUGGLE with food eating this way.

THIS, to me, is FEEL like this after feeling so desperately out of control just one week ago. This freedom to me feels like HEAVEN. A respite from the hell of food addiction.

Do i have LESS stress now???? I thought it was the stress driving me to eat non stop all day. So, do i?


In fact, I probably have MORE. But i don't FEEL it like i was. I'm calm. I have another opera rehearsal Tuesday, and an all day Beckwith planning session tomorrow with Susan. Things are NOT calming down, but rather revving up. Yet, i feel relatively relaxed about everything.

I can now most certainly say that i am a fat and salt addict. If i go past a certain point, that seems to be...'the point of no return,' and that eating humongous amounts of salt and fat ADD STRESS to my life, they do not CALM STRESS.

Where i am right now is totally manageable, stress wise and food wise.

Speaking of fat, I actually ate fat three times yesterday, the same as i did the day before, but in very small controlled quantities. This is not traditionally 80-10-10. On that program, you eat fat usually once a day, never more than ONE type of fat in one day, never more than 10% fat.

Well, I can always refine.

I am, however, in control, and doing radically better than i was just a short week ago.

I should check my numbers and see where i'm at. I could be between 12-20% fat. Obviously anymore and whammo, i'm back there in binge land.

THIS i can do. As long as i don't get any yeast infections or wierd things happen, as long as i continue to lose, i could live with this a day at a time.

Unfortunately, it was quite a restrictive plan for me this week. No raw bread, no mock toona. These are the kinds of foods i 'love' but they tend to pull me to "lose" control. Having nothing tugging at me to go further feels AWESOME. I'm in control, baby!

I had hoped to have one gourmet meal a week. My instinct is, i don't think that's gonna work right NOW. I think it CAN work and i'd like it to work, but I don't know how i'm going to bring gourmet into my life in a controlled manner, but we'll continue to work on that together. It is my ultimate goal. If not once a week, you know, every once in a while.

The Beckwith event is coming up, however, and I'm anticipating 'having' to do alot of tasting to make the dishes. But, you know what????????? I don't think i really HAVE to.

I just made BLISS BALLS at work (a chocolate cococonut cashew ball with a kick) and didn't even taste them. I asked others to taste them and based on what they said, adjusted the recipe. I got a phone call yesterday from Kim, "Michelle, those Bliss balls are OUTRAGEOUS! You could be a millionaire!"

It would be nice to find a way to market my spreads and specialty items. What's amazing is i didn't have to TASTE it to make it. AND...AND...i wrote the exact recipe down so i can reproduce it without tasting. It used to be so FUN NOT to write the recipes down so i could always be a creative force, always recreating a recipe...and continuously tasting, tasting, tasting, binge eating. I enjoyed that so much.

But, uh, well, we've determined i'm better off where i am today.

At work, I also made some other popular spreads - my mock 'toona' which sells out within a few days, a chili cheeze dip that Kim said was ' should get this stuff into Whole Foods, you'd make a KILLING!' and mediteranean hummus, all of which i DID taste ever ever ever so slightly, the tiniest dab on the tip of my tongue to taste for balance and adjust seasoning. I'm okay with that. That doesn't seem to send me over the edge.

You know what i'd like to do? Approach Brad of Brad's Raw Chips...and sell my packaged nutspreads beside his. "Michelle's RAW DIPS and Brads Raw Chips". I also make a phenomenol raw lemonades that could be sold as Michelle's RAW SIPS. Cool idea, huh?

Brad's Chips were the TALK of Arnolds Way yesterday. He's been approached to take his chips OVERSEAS. If he gets into Whole Foods, man, i'm tellin' ya. He'll have it made. I'd really like to be a part of his team when that happens. Flax chips will exlode once they get into Whole Foods on the East Coast.

Well, we get what we ask for, so, do you hear universe???

As for now and the next few days, i'm going to ask the universe to have my opera memorized and for a productive planning session with Susan tomorrow, and for a productive home organizing session with my mom today. We're cleaning her drawers out. I'll be there soon, Mommy!

As for me, i just plan to keep on doing what i'm doing foodwise. Maybe i'll make some green smoothie and bring it to my moms. She always has fruit there for me and salad so i'm usually covered.

I'd like to exercise daily over the next days, too. I walked 30 mins yesterday. That really seems to be the ticket - EXERCISE along with diet.

How are you doing today?

I guess we all have to ask ourselves what WORKS for us. I don't think or even preach that this should be the path for everyone. I don't believe it is. I DO believe we all have to find our own way. We are all different with different issues. Not everyone binges. Not everyone has to give up everything in order to thrive. It realy sucks that i do.

Self-analysis, unflinching honesty, willingness, perseverance - these all help.

But when we find what works, it's crucial to just commit to it, and suck it up if it wasn't all we had hoped it would be. Look at the bright side. It could always be MUCH WORSE!!!! Thank God for today, it isn't!!!!

xoxox michelle joy

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