Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Wow....Something GOOD is working!

Hello! I wrote this yesterday!

Today is a good day! I think it's my 6th day raw! :-))

I'm purposely not writing out my food, as i kind of like not thinking about food so much anymore.

I spent so much time and effort doing fitday.com with Carlene and emailing her every bite i ate daily...to no good avail, actually, for an entire month. I left her program feeling resentful of her control, resentful of her constant mixed messages about every food imaginable ("never eat walnuts!" "why don't you have some walnuts?") and resentful of her obsessive strictness regarding fat and salt.

Tim and Dustin don't work that hard. And THEY got thin. There has GOT to be an easier way than her love-less, soul-less calorie counting and need for control.

So, i'm freeing myself from all controls! And you know what? It's not as scary as I thought! I'm adjusting! I'm falling into listening to myself more.

Today for lunch i ate enough to fill me and had ZERO compulsion to go further. And guess what i ate? Raw bread and cashew pate. And all day i've been happily busy, never even THINKING about food.

Oh, yes, THIS way is MUCH better. Maybe it wasn't ever so much about WHAT i was eating, but with what ATTITUDE i was eating it. Carlene's way saw me binge eating to break free of all of the restrictions when our time was over. This way, i'll never need to binge again! It wasn't the fat and salt making me binge. It was the RESTRICTION.

Surely, you've heard, "Let go, and let God." Well, so have I. But, I NEVER thought it would work for me, until now. I'm too SICK and TIRED of the other way, of TRYING so hard. It's this way or the highway!

I am so interested to see in a few months how this is all going!!! I am really REALLY manifesting for the BEST!!! I'm just eating what i want as long as it's raw....whenever i want...how much ever i want.

And after the INTENSE FEAR wore off I'd get even fatter doing this, i'm kind of....finding my own rhythm! I'm actually, wait, believe it or not... I'm... heck, yeah! I'm doing GREAT!


Fatty food is FREEING me. Thank you, God.

So, i mentioned i've been sending out positive vibes to my food, have been praying over it, asking God to bless me with weight loss. Isn't that fantastic? It just makes so much sense to me now. And i stopped weighing myself. I'm giving up control. I'm visualizing myself thin, but i'm eating what i want. I'm gonna let GOD figure this out for me. Isn't that so "THE SECRET" of me? And you know what? I KNOW it's going to work! How ball-sy of me!!!

It's already working. My face looks thinner. I lost that cooked food bloat look. God, i hate that look in my face from cooked food. I am so much prettier on raw.

And more is at work! This isn't related to food per se, but, it's a good thing, and this morning in my email, i received a response from a Craigslist ad i had given up any hope on, of trying to sell all of my old too-huge-for-me 5x designer duds from when i weighed 425lbs. The ad was on Craigslist for WEEKS with no response, and then yesterday, out of nowhere, i get a request to send all of the clothes to a woman's diabetic disabled housebound 5x size sister in Jersey City, New Jersey! Sight unseen, she is to send me a check for 250$, plus shipping! I really feel this good turn is a manifestation of my new attitude and way of thinking. I'm gonna let GOD do the 'hard work' for me. I'm just gonna BELIEVE it all into being!!!

I feel so happy. I'm smiling as i write this. (mmmmm!)

Not only am i laying a foundation for a new way of thinking, eating, being, but someone out there who is very much in need is going to be benefitting from my weight loss in a very direct way, and thanks to my good taste in clothes, she is gonna be one hot lookin' 5x babe! Plus, this good turn of fortune is going to help me to pay my bills this month :-))))

Oh, calling all plus size babes! I still have some beautiful size 30/32 clothes, 3x and 4x that i'm releasing. They are $5-10 each. If you'd like them, let me know! They are lovely. I have good taste. :-)))

Two other sudden sources of income popped up yesterday as well!!

I've been invited to sing for Easter at a church I often sing at, which will be a paid gig. And I've been invited to entertain at a birthday party for an 80 year old Mexican woman. I've been asked to sing 3 songs with spanish themes, so i will sing, "Sibonay," "Grandada," and "Fille de Cadix." (The last song is in french, but is on a spanish theme. I think Cadix is a place in Spain). Si, Senor, I will be paid muchos dineros for the party singing, too. Ay, caramba!

But, get this. The host of the party has also asked me to do a little catering for the party and create a raw mexican dip with crudite and raw bread, and a dessert! I'll do the bliss balls i make, make them extra sweet and chocolately for cooked food palate, with a little Aztec twist to them: i'll add chili powder, cinnamon and cayenne. Heck, I'll be paid for this as well. Mas bien fortune', por favor! Can life get any better today?

It really IS true. When we put positive vibes out to the universe, the universe delivers!!!! Thank you, God!!!

My food has been fascinating to observe. Yesterday, I overdid it with raw bread, but honored my need for it, I let the guilt go, i ate what i wanted, which was 5 or 6 peices, but, instead of seeing it as something horrible, I tried to look at the raw bread like it was calorie-free or the caloric equivalent to, say, oranges. To let go of the judgement of it, in other words, or let go of the fear of it.

Rather than producing a binge later like eating raw bread usually does, I ended up not really being hungry the rest of the day and was so at peace with food, I went with that and honored that, too!

Not wanting to stop with the bread seemed to me like a little kid who feared her food would be taken away, so she kept going. But, i'm sensing already that the more I allow myself whatever i want, the less i need it!!! I ate raw bread today with that same "calorie-free" guilt-free outlook and stopped after 2.5 peices because i'd had enough. AMAZING.

And the other day at Arnold's Way, i started in on the bread, realized i had just been hungry, realized i was no longer hungry....and STOPPED!

Something is seriously WORKING inside of me.

Later at night, i had the munchies, but wasn't necessarily hungry, but i honored that, too with a big plate of cut-up lovely fruit. God, that was good. I didn't WANT raw bread then. THAT was new. Usually if it's there, i'll scarf it up all in one sitting or in one day. There's still some left in the cubbard. Go figure.

God, this is eerily freeing.

This morning when i got hungry, i had a maca choco shake instead of a green smoothie, because i wanted it. I KNEW a green smoothie would be healthier, but well, there's been a lotta honoring around here. Why not? Don't thin people generally eat what they WANT instead of what they KNOW is good for them? I've eaten what i knew to be good for me for so long, only to break free by binge eating, it's about time that i just let myself BE. And enjoy.

Hey, that's cool - en-joy.

I'm sure when my body needs greens, it'll shout, 'hey, it's time for a green smoothie!' I still take my E3 Live so i'm getting lots of green gunk in me, still, anyway, even without the smoothie.

Ahh, lots of joy in my heart today. (deep sigh of contentment.)

And guess what? This has been a seriously productive day. Peeled the bananas and froze them. Did the dishes. Cleaned the fridge. Took out the trash. Practiced my singing. Packed bags to sleep at my moms. Usually if you want to find me, my butt is parked in front of the TV. Not today!

I'm doing good. Even i never lose another pound, i don't even really care today. I feel good and happy and joyous. Ain't that what it's all about???? To be experiencing the GIFT of the lifting of the obsession of food...without having had applied effort to do it? I KNOW i'll lose, but it won't be because of effort. To have been given the gift of helping a disabled woman look beautiful in some lovely clothes? To have checks coming in the mail for clothes and for singing? Now, THAT's pure raw joy!

And you know what i say?????

I say, "BRING IT ON, BABY"!!!!

xoxo michelle joy

1 comment:

Karen Schlesinger said...


Kudos to you, Girl! I seriously wondered how it would go with Carlene again. (Been there, done that.) She is a strict task-master that only someone who feels they need to be punished finds useful. I am happy for her that she lost and maintained her excess weight, but I am happier for you that you are learning to listen to your own body wisdom.

Matt Monarch gave me my freedom by stating that if every time you eat, you just eat raw, that eventually your body will start to let go of the cravings, you will eat less, and you will eat healthier. I know this to be true for myself.

You hang in there Lady, and just keep stuffing your tummy with the raw foods...whatever they may be. Your weight loss may be painfully slow, but it will happen and you will be a much happier camper.

Thanks for sharing your truth. We all need to hear it.