Monday, March 29, 2010
The table is set! And, Family will be coming over this evening for the first Passover sedar. Here's a nice overall article outlining Passover, if you are interested:
My heart is still a little heavy. Mom's weight has continued to come down. She is now under 120 lbs and seriously concerned. I noticed her pants absolutely HANGING on her, yesterday. My father is remote. He's worried.
And i'm thinking...'what will the company think?'
And what will she eat tonight? Salad...and Brad's Raw chips, along with me??? Won't that just be continuing the weight loss trend???
Just as an aside....it is so funny...ridiculous and unfair, actually...how two people can react SO differently to a diet. My mother loses her appetite and weight...and she doesn't NEED or WANT to. Then there's me. I'm gaining weight right now on "regular raw," because i overeat, and eat for pleasure and comfort instead of hunger, and haven't been exercising.
Mom and I had a heart to heart yesterday morning concerning where is going with the diet. She was very distressed. And we talked everything out, cried, hugged. There are many issues:
Food has been "coming up on her lately." I realize being busy getting ready for the holiday, she has not been walking daily. Walking daily helps people digest their food. My mother is already prone to severe stomach indigestion as it is. Perhaps because she hasn't walked, she's digesting worse. And she hasn't been working up much of an appetite either. She used to eat 6x a day. Now, 3 or if i'm lucky, 4.
The weight loss continues to be a concern. Those 'articles' about raw food 'malnutrition' and 'severe weight loss' seem to be forebearers of what's happening to her. So, i try to offer her heavier dishes...for example, I made her guacamole the other night, thinking this'll help her gain weight. She ate about a Tbsp of it, got full, AND, she was sick all night. The garlic was 'repeating' on her. I've been using garlic DAILY for weeks in almost EVERY dish...and now garlic is bothering her, too?
My mother is not willing or emotionally able to do what some skinny people do on raw - lose considerable amounts of weight until they become emaciated - and then allow their bodies to rebuild. One of our customers, Chloe, got down to 70 lbs on raw. This is a process of detoxifying, which can happen when people don't have eating disorders like me! Raw food is low in calories and highly satiating if one listens intently to their body. The body WANTS to shed it's excess toxins and weight. And when the body is able to rebuild on raw, the body starts gaining.
Enough is enough for my mom already. She is not THAT committed to healing naturally to allow herself to become emaciated.
I think we'll try again with the steamed potatoes again today.
The last time she ate potatoes, it was reported to me afterwards that she felt awful and had a nose bleed. Mom explained, finally, the nosebleed was BEFORE the potato. Getting a story straight around here, you need to be a detective. And, I think we'll try with a salad first to aid digestion.
Mom also routinely takes pills every night. Sleeping pill, stomach pill, pain pill. And she feels guilty about it, knowing i dissaprove. "Please don't be mad at me," she cried, "I HAVE to. I need to sleep." She CHOOSES to.
Mom reported still not WANTING surgery, but being concerned for my reaction should she decide to have it. "Please don't be mad at me or think you're a failure if i need to have surgery!", Mom cried.
My heart breaks for her. This is NOT easy.
I was, however, encouraged by her committment and love of the green smoothies, "Who wouldn't love them, they are so delicious! I'll definitely continue to do them!," she reported. And, I was encouraged by her willingness to stick it out on raw until she gets her blood test taken on Tuesday.
The blood test will determine if her sugar is still high, her potassium and iron still low. We will also get confirmed if there is cancer in her blood. There has been no sign of cancer in her blood, so we won't expect to see any new occurances, there was possible cancer only in her thyroid tumors and stomach polyp. And we'll see if her astronomically high cholesterol (for a very very thin person) has decreased. I'm certain it will have decreased significantly.
After the blood test comes back, she wants to start adding more cooked foods to her diet, but remain vegetarian. She wants to gain weight and eat in such a way that promotes a healthy tumor/polyp-free body. Since i've heard that many people lose cancer on Macrobiotic diets, I'm thinking we'll steer in that direction for dinner time, but keep up the green smoothies and salads during the day time. As long as a diet is vegetable and fruit based, it's got to be healthier than what she was eating before. At least this is the general plan at the moment.
In two months, she'll have an ultrasound to determine if the thyroid tumors are still there. And at some point, she'll see if another endoscopy can be ordered to check the stomach polyp.
One day at a time. One meal at a time. One moment at a time.
For now, let's just be grateful for what health we DO have, for our family, for the good things, for the chance to all be together again. Yes, let's cherish these times together.
xoxo michelle joy
Posted by MICHELLE at FREEDOM FROM BINGING at 4:46 AM