Tuesday, December 1, 2009

What A Difference A Day Makes!

Oh, Happy Day!

I'm writing this on Tuesday night. What a complete departure today was from the weeks preceeding was my day today. I felt focused, sure, right, strong, determined, on track, organized, loved. I ate all raw because i decided to. I had thoughts of eating cooked, but i watched the thoughts, and ultimately decided it wasn't the right choice for me. I wouldn't know for sure that it would end where it started, and i'd be bloated again and snoring and continue to gain because i can't be sure i can keep my portions in control.

I decided that though cooked food might make 'intellectual' sense in terms of healing binge eating, it hasn't worked for me thus far as i can control it even LESS than raw food, and it was time finally to make peace with that. I decided that i refuse to gain another pound trying to do something nearly impossible, that's been nearly impossible to me my entire life: controlling cooked food.

I took a hour walk after not having walked for 4 weeks, and it was hard, but the empowered feeling i had afterwards was well worth the effort. If i could do that, i felt like i could do anything.

What a difference a day makes! One day in despair and hopeless. The next confident, sure, strong.

I organized much of my new walk in closet, put all of the sheets in a new place, and all of my clothing in the new organized room. Good, right action is flowing through me. Megan's on a fast, so she's not coming tomorrow, but, i was strong myself and did a good amount, myself. I'm not so hopeless afterall. And actually much stronger than i realize myself....once i "PUT MY MIND TO SOMETHING."

I can't believe how different i feel today than i've been feeling.

My head was spinning this morning and i was afraid to walk alone, afraid i'd jump on the bus and chicken out of pushing myself. Then i remembered i needed to practice my singing and i could fill my head with music to stimulate me, instead of food. Hallelujah. It worked. And made the walk...not only enjoyable and good for me, but productive in terms of my music.

The good, right action continued to flow later. I just had one of THE most amazing singing practices ever. All of a sudden i'm confident and i'm on target for Sunday's performance.

Digging through emotional issues, i don't even think, is the answer. It's a part of it.

But today confirms that EVERYTHING has to do with right THINKING.

I decided to decide to what has worked for 3 years, after trying new ways that ultimately did not pan out as i had expected. I decided to do what has worked for 3 years pretty well, and forget about trying something new. My footing feels sure. I know what to do. I made it work.

My food today was enjoyable because i decided it would be.

God i feel good.

Continue to pray and support me, please.

And I thank you.

xoxo michelle joy

1 comment:

Anonymous said...