Thursday, December 3, 2009

Day THREE raw

Mornin, Ya'll,

FOLLOW UP: [Post b.m. i weigh 268.5...thank god, back in the 60's....gonna try to juice more today. there IS something to VEGGIES....much lower CALORIES than fruit....]

Just wrote an email to a wonderful friend of mine, Monique Powell, former lead singer of "Save Ferris." We met at O.H.I., the raw retreat i went to. She's so fabulous. You should watch her sing on Youtube. She performed on CONAN O'BRIEN and JAY LENO with her band!!!!

Anyway, I figured instead of writing everything again, she asked how i was, i'd copy and paste the portions that answered that, for you :-))) It updates you on how i've been doing.

This morning i woke up really miserable. I've been low fat no salt raw for two days and feeling dizzy. I think it's all of the bananas and fruit sugar. Plus, i didn't lose anything this morning. I mean, for all of this effort, fuck. i'm discouraged.

I had been trying Dr. Fuhrman's Eat to Live program where you eat beans and cooked veggies in soups and lose tons of weight and i lost 18 lbs in like days. It IS more low calorie than 80-10-10 which is what everyone does at arnolds way, mostly fruit and greens.

I'm discouraged.

Although, when i started eating cooked food back in sept, from that point on, it had DEFINITELY SNOWBALLED out of control to where just 3 days ago i had on a binge: 1 slice of cheese pizza, 2 veggie spring rolls, 1 small brown rice, 1 singapore rice noodles, 2 scoops baskin robbins icecream. At least i stayed vegetarian.

So, i finally decided that i felt even MORE hopeless eating cooked because not only had i lost control, but i lost my identity. I'm supposed to be a freakin' raw chef here and it had unraveled so that i wasn't eating barely any raw and i couldn't get back on track. Everyday i was beside myself and didn't know where to turn, so i realized that raw felt like a safe haven again and though it was not a cure-all for my binge eating (i still have binged for 3 years on "gourmet" raw - what we call anything raw with olive oil, salt and spices, usually nut based foods or dehydrated, anything not WHOLE fruit or veggies), it still helped me to control my weight, and at this point, i figured, my weight was actually MORE important than curing binge eating.

I've been reading all of these binge eating books and everyone says you can't restrict your eating so i tried, i really tried to just have a little, but ultimately, i can't control cooked worse than i can control raw, so there.

i didn't gain too too terribly. I'm 270 1/2 this morning and my lowest was 249 so far, but that i hit for like a day and went back up. Recently i had been at about 258 on a good day and was happy with that. Not too too terrible a gain.

But i woke up to not lose anything. and knowing i lost so much faster on Fuhrman is playing with my mind again. "cooked, cooked, cooked", it's wooing me, but i have to remember how badly it went out of control. I mean, worse than that one binge i described above. Another binge was like an entire 1/2 loaf of rye bread with 1 stick of butter, 8 eggs and 6 peices of toast with the other stick of butter and a pot of white rice with more butter.

Man, bread and butter is GOOD. That's one of the things i took from this whole experience. Cooked food DEFINITELY tastes better than raw food!!!

But, it makes sense for me for today and for this week at least.

On sunday at work we have a raw food festival at work so i feel confident doing this this week. It's restoring my sanity to be raw at a raw festival at least.

my head was great for the last 2 days but horrible before that. fear, confusion, just awful.

Okay, i feel a b.m. coming on and i like that, it means i'll lose a pound. Then i go for a walk. Because it feels good and i like feeling good. I wonder if i'd do better juicing some greens today, ala Meredith Frantz of She juices greens daily. What's great about Fuhrman's program is you can eat a ton of calorie free cooked veggies in a soup with no salt and no fat and it still tastes good. Raw veggies without fat and salt don't really taste all that good.

OH WELL, gotta suck it up today! That's all she wrote!

xoxo michelle joy

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