Saturday, June 25, 2011


Hi Blog Friends!

Just got back from the concert, "A Taste of Italy," that we performed at the Grace Church in Haddonfield, NJ. The crowd was wonderful, so appreciative!

I really enjoyed myself singing! The program was very lovely. I did 8 peices!

We recorded all of my numbers and Cliff and I will listen to the recordings tomorrow... I'm giving myself tonight to bask in the glory of thinking I was wonderful! Tomorrow we'll have the reality check!

If it's any good and we can manage to figure out how to do it, we're going to upload the videos or just the audio of me singing! I'll let you know! Here's my Cliffy smiling for camera! Actually, he looks like he's mid-laugh :-)) One of his piano students came to the concert and took the pictures!Here I am with Duane Wittman, Tenor, singing the Act I love duet from Verdi's Othello. He was marvelous! His voice is huge and so dramatic. His website is

Duane is a true Heldentenor if i ever heard one, that means a dramatic heroic tenor, suited to the operas of Wagner.

Hopefully we can get the live recording of us uploaded! I know Duane was fabu, I hope i was good!

Hey, if you are an opera lover and would like to hear the duet, I'll attach a good version from youtube. This isn't me or Duane, but hopefully soon you'll get to hear our live recording. Here are Kiri TeKanawa and Placido Domingo as Desdemona and Othello. What a magical pair!:

Duane's agent was at the concert and he came up to me afterwards and introduced himself. He said, "We'll be seeing each other." Wow, maybe this is the start of something?

Duane also asked me to do a concert together with NYC!!! Holy Shlamoley! I would be honored.

Duane is the real deal, and a singer on his way to a professional operatic career. Incidentally, he just got back from a professional opera audition tour in Germany and Austria.

And the new teacher i'm studying with, Arturo Spinetti, Duane's teacher, also had a career in Germany for many years.

Ahem, did you know I graduated college with a degree in GERMAN, i have 1/2 of a Masters Degree in GERMAN, and I am a Pennsylvania Certified Teacher of German, and my whole life all i've ever wanted to do was become an opera singer and have an opera career in Germany?

Dear Law of Attraction, bitte schoen, please come to my rescue! Something seems to be lining up in a good way... The agent introduced himself to ME and then Duane asked me to sing a concert with him. Maybe the agent thought i was good and suggested it? Duane did ask AFTER i saw he and his agent chatting and looking over at me. Wow!

What a good opportunity! People in NYC are going to hear me. Maybe even other agents! Let's all pray for me, k?

You know how you just dream of one day someone important hearing you? Maybe the stars are aligning for me now!

Well, now i just gotta get my health and weight back in order, to be healthy enough for such a demanding career, and to be marketable for auditions, and just make my dreams come true!

_ _ _

Still raw, 4.5 weeks.

I wasn't that hungry today because i'd eaten too much the 2 days prior.

For breakfast, I had berry smoothie, 1 glass. For lunch i had cherries. Later, i had a banana and a few dates. I didn't eat much today, but drank alot.

_ _ _

We went out after the show and i had a hard time deciding what to order from the menu. I ended up staying RAW, but not VEGAN. i had raw fish! I ordered tuna ceviche, which was only about 1/2 cup, and splendidly delish, with a salad with tomato, onion and avocado.

Considering the other deep fried cheesy meaty bready choices, i did really well. Ceviche is actually raw. The fish is "cooked" with "acid" from lime juice, without using any heat, and the veggies in the ceviche were all raw.

The ceviche came atop crackers, which i discarded.

Tried my best!

It was a creative solution..., raw fish.

Anyway, the restaurant was downtown and there was a party going on down there, fireworks and hoards of people, and at this particular restaurant, there was a cover band playing so loud, my ears are still ringing.

I actually considered writing down what i wanted, ala Victoria Boutenko suggests, for the waitress because you couldn't even hear yourself scream.

All in all, i made it through still raw. It was an okay solution under the circumstances.

_ _ _

At work on Thursday and Friday, i returned to my old compulsive eating habits and ate when i wasn't hungry, snacking, and eating heavy nutty salty pate's. That's disheartening to not "do" well. And not only left me feeling discouraged about weight loss, but left me discouraged about ever seeing thin ankles again. My ankles swelled right up again.

When i do well at work, i eat no salt, no nuts, and am very much in control. The "fun" of indulging is not really fun when i'm left terribly uncomfortable.


I should consider myself "allergic" to salt today. A depressing thought.


I'm just suffering from these swollen ankles over the last few days, but i brought it on myself. It doesn't happen if i don't eat SALT. If i eat salt, kaplooey, they blow up.

Honestly, i feel sorry for myself. I love salt. Who doesn't?


Fruitarians and Natural Hygienists like Dr. Graham people consider salt is a poison.

After seeing what it does to my ankles, i'm not happy to incline to agree. My poor little tongue so likes salt.

_ _ _

This morning before the concert, i was crying. How could i go sing with swollen ankles? I made Cliff take me to the drugstore. I perused the choices for diuretics.

None of the bottles mentioned how long it would take for them to work.

I walked out with nothing. Good choice.

What if they didn't work right away and i had to pee in the middle of an aria???!!!!


Plus, they woulda made me even dryer than i already was. It was like i couldn't drink enough today. My body craved water so bad, probably to flush the salt from my two days of over indulgence, like it knew what was best for me.

My body didn't crave much food today.

It was....curious.

I guess your body really knows what's best for you. You just have to use that noggin God gave you and LISTEN, PAY ATTENTION, TAKE HEED, and RESPOND.

I'm still fighting what my body is telling me. I'll talk more about that tomorrow.


So, I drank alot of fluid all day. My "kankles" seemed to improve on their own as the day went on.

After dinner out, though, they're swelled up again. Salt, salt, salt. Not out of the ORDINARY salt, just ANY salt!

Lately, I can get away with nutritional yeast on my salad and that's IT. Anything more and i have balloons for feet.


Why can't i be like everyone else? [self pity]
I feel like my body is at war with my tounge. That dinner was so delish, but my body hates salt. Body, why are you being such a pain in my ass?!

_ _ _

I'm contemplating going back on just BANANAS for some time because my weightloss has stalled. Either that, or just cucumbers and tomatoes and no salt seedcheese like at OHI.

I have many options when it comes to raw. But i need to figure out a plan. And I don't know which one i will take.

1). Learn to eat tiny amounts of gourmet raw food. Forget about dieting. Forget about fruitarianism. Forget about being bloated, live with it. Maybe it will all adjust itself? Go back to Weigh Down Workshop mentality and eat a few BITES of pleasurable food, whatever i want raw, 2-5 bites per meal. Eat only when i am very hungry, stop when i am satisfied, not full. View gourmet as TOTALLY LEGAL. Enjoy myself, just cut down amounts severely. Pay attention. Demand eating. Eat when you are hungry! Not because you SEE food and it looks good. Exercise because it feels good and makes me happy. Stop focusing on weight and let the weight drop off itself. Lose all of my weight like Dustin Kellogg did eating gourmet raw, , go to Germany and become a star. [i wish i could do this option...i actually don't think it's realistic, but we'll see].

2). Go back to 811 or rawfoodbootcamp mentality. Cut out all salt, almost all fat, all nuts, 1 banana a day. I lost 1/2-1 lb a DAY! I ate raw applesauce and almost fat free salads. The only problem was, i'm an addict and i kept wanting salt and fat, so i'd go off and gain weight back and i'd binge on gourmet raw. I'm not sure how much faith i have in this choice, either.

But, maybe....??? If i started SERIOUSLY meditating and went into like a zenlike mode, an ascetic mode, focusing on giving up salt and most fat and bananas, giving up the pleasurable for the sake of my art. Deny myself everything good and forget about treats. Lose all of my weight. See eating fruit all day and losing weight as my life's and opera career's mission. Regard deprivation as a gift, or as punishment that is good for me. Become a famous opera star, sing in Germany and have all of my dreams come true. ???? If i made peace with giving up so much to GET so much, it might be able to do it. And maybe once my metabolism picked up again, i could have some gourmet treats? ....oops, there i go again.

3). Go on an extended juice feast for months. Drop weight like insanely fast. Pray alot and meditate. It could work! It's a viable option.

4). Go back to OHI mentality, which was NOT FAT FREE, but mostly FRUIT FREE, except for breakfast. Make saltless soaked seed crackers. Eat 2 a day. Make saltless seed pate's. I can have a scoop at lunch andd dinner. Eat lots of sprouts and cucumbers and tomatoes. Juice once a week for a cleansing. Eat melon for breakfast, only. Eat no bananas. Walk my butt off. Exercise 2-3 hours a day. Make homemade rejuvelac. Juice wheatgrass. Eat no oil, no fat, except 1 avocado per week. No salt! Suffer, eating blenderized tomato on my salads, but see the scale move daily as i did at OHI. Try to love every minute of it because i trust the outcome. Maybe i can indulge in gourmet occassionally like i did at OHI? Why did it work THEN, but not now?

If i try THIS plan, which worked to help me lose 140 lbs in 8 months, i could lose all of my weight and go to Germany and become famous.

This would be more satisfying i think than bananas, only. But i'd miss them. Maybe i could have a whip every weekend?

5). Go to Dr. Fuhrman. Follow his plan and eat 1 oz of nuts a day. Cook my veggies so i can have fat free soup in huge unlimited amounts. Eat beans unlimited. Wow, i love beans. Lose all of my weight like millions of other people do on his plan. Become a famous star in Germany and eat cooked veggies and beans in Germany.

Hmmmmmm. Which one will it be?

I really don't know what to do, but i'm placing my burden before God's altar. Show me the way, Lord. I do know, that what i'm doing? Even though i'm raw, is not working. I'm not doing enough exercise to warrant raw nut pate' splurges at work. And the swollen feet and ankles depress me endlessly and keep me stuck, wheels turning.

I have not lost anymore weight than i initially did, about 30 lbs, and on Wednesday i will be 5 weeks raw. The weightloss is stalled.

I gained a considerable amount of weight, only perhaps water weight, but i still suffer, from the 2 days of overeating salty raw food at work.

I was discouraged to find I still fit into a 30/32 at Avenue when i went to buy a sparkly top for the concert.


I am obviously doing the wrong raw for my body.

My friend, Jan, said, "i've stopped reading what men eat on raw to lose weight." What men can do with gourmet and what women can do may indeed be different. Metabolism is also a consideration. As is the law of attraction. Maybe my overly emotional reactive generally negative mental state attracts weight gain and not loss.

Dustin is a very powerful manifestor. And i need to have that kind of power running through me to manifest what i want.

It's possible our bodies are just VERY VERY VERY different, and mine needs much simpler fare to succeed.

_ _ _

I need to decide which model will work for me and take ACTION.

Wish me luck. I deserve to lose this weight again, plus more, and start to make my dreams come true. Germany, here i come!

Auf Wiedersehen,
xoxo michelle joy

1 comment:

Get Skinny, Go Vegan. said...

Gosh.....I wish I lived closed and we could do a juice fast and exercise together!! I get in such a rut as well as I'm either all or nothing and so I am either raw and exercise or if I am very very bad, I eat not too terrible junk from whole foods, but too to much!!
Food is my drug of choice, people just don't assume it because I binge on kind of healthy foods and have been veggie forever.
But totally sympathize. Maybe an juice fast through the Internet fast once a week?? Or some days of juice feasting?? I couldn't do the 3 month thing, not being married and I SUCK at not eating.