Monday, June 27, 2011


Hello, Blogger Fans,

I'm contemplating the difference between our minds and bodies being at war with each other, versus our minds and bodies being in peaceful unison together.

Cliff went out for his bike ride yesterday morning. On the way back, he phoned and said he'd be on Main Street in 15 minutes. That was my cue he wanted me to walk and meet him.

I didn't "want" to, but i left the house because i knew i "should" be walking.

Actually, rewind that thought. I first checked my feet and ankles and hands for swelling. Was i too be good to myself and walk? I wasn't very swollen...and i decided that meant i passed some sort of a requirment test. I have to feel "just right" to walk. (Well, that means 9 times outta 10, i'm gonna find an out. This need to "feel just right" is a seriously lousy excuse.)

Anyway, the walk to the coffee shop felt surprisingly and refreshingly NICE. What a treat i was giving myself out in the sun with the cool breezes! "I deserve this!," i thought. What a dum-dum I am everytime i don't walk because of some little ache or pain or mental fear. I'm usually not that 'aware' to even 'recognize' it.

When i looked in the mirror this morning, i looked a little swollen in the face, but my pants looked a little looser on me. Hm. What a shockeroo!!! Could i ACTUALLY be losing weight from raw, even though i don't realize i am and am doing my best to SABOTAGE MYSELF????

The confidence that maybe, despite my BEST EFFORTS at RAW SABOTAGE for myself and everyone else who reads the shit i write (sorry!), that maybe raw was actually WORKING despite what i write, gave me a pep in my step and a surprisingly sunny disposition as i made my way to the coffee shop.

Maybe my overeating fat hasn't even really been the problem. Maybe all i've been missing....has been steady movement. Angela Stokes said in the beginning of raw she ate "plenty of nuts," and Victoria Boutenko said, "Eat two avocados a day," in the beginning. I've been so obsessed that i'm overeating fat, that i haven't been able to budge myself from the sofa to move. I've really been doing myself a disservice. If i'd only eat the SAME, but walk regularly, fat's effects would be diminished.

Why didn't this dawn on me SOONER???

Well, i was too busy beating myself up to allow myself to actually enjoy walking and actually allow myself to ENJOY raw fat. So many OTHER people do, like Dustin What the hell's wrong with me?


Cliffy and I shared some herbal iced tea and hand holding at the coffee shop. He left to ride home. He would pick me up after his shower, so i didn't have to walk the hills back home and could continue flat on Main Street to save my knees.

Speaking of which, my knees haven't hurt in weeks. Add that to yesterday's post about the positive changes i've had since going raw again.

Now alone outside of the coffee shop, with Cliff pedaling away, I frankly didn't "feel" like walking anymore and sat there with my tea for a few minutes feeling resistant.

Within a few minutes, my head quieted down it's complaining, so I got up and got moving down Main Street. Within just a few minutes, my body was so enjoying the walk. I was so grateful I hadn't listened to what my deluded head had wanted. How many times to we listen to that shit and believe it?


During the walk, it occured to me that we, those of us with seriously disordered eating, chronic obesity or body image issues...have a real disconnect between mind...and body.

For instance, we eat because our HEAD says "i'm hungry," (even if our tummy never growled and our body doesn't need extra food). Emotionally, we feel needy or empty and we've trained ourselves to grab something to fill an empty STOMACH when what we have is an empty HEART.


Comfort comes in hugs, baths, a good cry, conversation, writing, prayer, meditation, great movies, walks, etc... Not in stuffing our mouths and bellies with food.

It's not really comforting when you can't fit behind the steering wheel in the car because you're too fat, is it?

It's not really comforting when you can't fit in theater seats.

Or wipe your butt in restaurant bathroom stalls because the walls of the stall aren't wide enough for you to spread your legs open.

That's not what i call comfort.


All of that is because we listened to our HEAD instead of what our BODY was telling us.

With every ache and pain, with every burp of reflux, with every joint ache and swelling ache, our HEAD REACTS and says, "I sense pain. Get something to EAT and you'll FEEL better."

What a lie. And we actually listen to it. And do it! Talk about being BRAINWASHED.


No wonder when our head says, "i don't feel like walking," we listen to it. We're so programmed to listen to our NEGATIVE THINKING and to think those distorted thoughts are the REAL US, and discount our bodies needs, even if our thinking is distorted and disconnected from what's really BEST for us and our body. That is fucked up! And we do it everyday!


Yoga is a practice that is supposed to bring mind and body into one wellness.

Whereas an eating disorder, or overeating, binge eating, and not a practice that brings mind and body into disconnect mode. With every compulsive bite, we separate this crucial connection for recovery, the unity of mind and body.

Anything we can do to unite the two MIND AND BODY would benefit us.


It occured to me that the meditation i am always telling you about that i learned on about 20 years ago is supposed to accomplish just that, bring mind and body together. We sit quietly, we feel the warmth in our hand, we close our eyes and look out of our 'third' eye. We train ourselves to 'observe' our thoughts instead of allowing them suck us in, and we use our hand to bring us back to the present in our mind and body, where we becoming the observer again. With this exercise, we learn to calm our bodies, and allow our conscious mind to reign dominant over our subconscious.

In other words, we learn to control our thoughts, instead of allowing our thoughts to control us.

Why would we want to control our thoughts, you ask?

What good would it do if a fireman was afraid of fire and couldn't overcome his fearful thoughts that the fire was going to kill him? He wouldn't be a very good fireman.

What good would it do a person who was stuck in a depression because of pervasive and constant negative thoughts?

What good does it do an overly fat person to not exercise because they are unalbe to break free of the stifling and sabotaging messages their subconcious mind is sending them, causing them to be afraid exercise is going to 1) hurt, 2) not feel good or pleasant, 3) injure them, 4) not do any good, etc...

Learning to control our thoughts by way of calming the body is extraordinarily helpful in overcoming an eating disorder, where we are literally assaulted with distorted thoughts, distorted body image, distorted beliefs about diet and exercise. Inviting the pure light of God's wisdom into our conscious mind is so healing. And the exercise makes of conscious of our impulses and compulsions, and gives us the supernatural ability to let them go.


Along the same lines, yogic chant and response unites mind and body.

Last night of all things, my girlfriend and I went to hear Krishna Das, the most famous Kirtan singer of all times. He mixes traditional yogic chanting with a Western twist.

Here's one of my famous chants which i sang my heart out to last night. It's an old baptist hymn turned yogic chant.

Here's a more typical chant using the words "hare krishna". Sting is featured on this one and there's not the typical call AND response on this one, but it is so beautiful:

Here's a traditional chant and response like we did last night:

I can't tell you how marvelous it feels to let go of thinking and just sing from deep, deep down. Yogic chanting is such a powerful mood elevator. The words don't really matter. I'm not worried about being "brainwashed." My brain needs some washing! I'm not afraid of the indian language. I love foreign languages and music, even if i don't understand it, I connect with it on a universal level. The chants are all nice and mean something, but that's not really the point. The point of chant is to just sing with joy and be centered in mind and body. Each time you realize you are lost in thought instead of responding fully with mind and body to the chant, you just remind yourself to come back to being fully present and conscious. An absolutely miraculous experience!


It also occurred to me that how i am lately complaining about too much fat and too much salt and all of that, means that i am letting food control my body again. I am allowing the thought that i want that salty nutty pate' to override what i "know" is best for my body. Disconnected mind and body.

It also occurred to me that how i am complaining about how complicated raw is and how hard it is to figure out what is right for also a distortion. I am not really giving raw a fair shake if i don't exercise or pay attention to the unique needs of my body, by allowing my body's wisdom to guide me, instead of allowing my distorted and faulty intellect control my behavior. I will always lose the war then! I've been practicing faulty raw foodism by not allowing my Spirit Mind to guide my body and behaviors.


As far as exercise goes, i haven't WANTED to exercise BECAUSE i've been "too swollen to exercise." Another in a long line of distorted excuses...that i listen to and BELIEVE.


Through all of these awarenesses, I've decided what i am going to do with my diet and exercise!!! I'm my OWN GURU!:

1). I am going to walk or swim daily even if i don't "feel" like it because i know it is good for me, it makes me feel good, and it will help me to lose weight. I walked yesterday AND swam and it felt challenging, but marvelously empowering!

2.) I will not allow the following excuses to not exercise: (excuses are distorted beliefs that make me feel unable to unworthy to do my body good)
- I overate...
- I'm too swollen...
- I'm too depressed...
- I'm too tired...
- I don't feel like it and it will make me feel bad....
- I won't enjoy it,'s too hot, raining, etc...
- etc...

3.) I am going to continue on my journey of overcoming binge eating by EATING RAW by doing the following:
b.) I will make an effort to eat LESS FAT
c.) I will make an effort to eat LESS SALT
d). I will make an effort to DRINK MORE WATER
e) I will make more of an effort to eat soaked germinated SEEDS
f.) I will eat what my BODY wants and make more of an effort to not let my FAULTY INTELLECT control my intake, but my body's own unique desires.

4.) I am going to MEDITATE DAILY, even if only for 1 minute a day. I use my meditation from, in an effort to CONNECT MIND AND BODY. Kirtan chant and response is also very centering to mind and body.

5.) I am going to TRUST IN GOD and TRUST IN RAW FOOD again. I am going to return to the heart of the SIMPLE BELIEVER. I am going to STOP TRUSTING MY DISORDERED INTELLECT to make decisions for me, and listen to the STILL SMALL VOICE WITHIN, which knows what is best for my body, mind and soul.

6.) It's time to start thinking about REJOINING YOGA CLASS. The excuse that i'm too fat and bloated with water weight seems ridiculous now. Won't it make me ultimately healthier and feel BETTER?

7.) I am going to practice centering techniques before and during and after eating, such as:
a). asking God to guide me to the best meal for my body right now
b). praying over my food
c.) taking all judgement away from food and legalizing all foods, fatty or salty or whatever. My body's innate wisdom and my strengthened CONSCIOUSNESS will lead me to what is right if i allow it.
d). eating slowly and with attention, savoring
e). paying attention to BODILY hunger/fullness, pleasure, joy, happiness and my body's own wisdom while eating
f). Letting go of being attuned to compulsive negative intellectual distortions while eating, before eating or after eating, such as "this is making me fat..."

8.) I am going to begin a practice of AFFIRMATIONS and stop COMPLAINING, such as:
- My body loses weight easily no matter what i eat!
- My body loves to exercise and move!
- I love my body!
- I am in control of my eating!
- I do what is best for my body!
- I trust raw food to cure my eating disorder and chronic obesity!
- I put all of my faith in God!
- Etc.

9.) I am going to the best of my ability NOT WEIGH MYSELF. I am more than my weight.

10.) I am going to fill myself with LOVE and GRATITUDE daily and fill my mind with WHAT I WANT instead of the horrible misery of "what is." ENOUGH COMPLAINING!

And that's it.

This is my new plan!

I'm excited!

What do you think????

If you want to join me on a similar path, email me, and we'll create a little group support club and keep each other on track!

xoxo michelle joy


praizer4ever said...

Michelle, you hit the nail on the hea dwith this one. I'm going through the same thing about walking. I'm afraid I'll hurt or injure myself. All kinds of crazy stuff like that. So, I stepped out and took a different bus eto work, to step out of my comfort zone and then I went to Kmart by my house to change things up and today I walked two blocks to another bus route and took it. Man, the mind and the spirit are saying two different things. The spirit is saying "be free, you can do it, while the mind is building on fear. Fear had taken over my life. I wanted to start walking again and man the "noise" started in my head so loud, I shrunk back in total terror. That's for this blog. I'll be reading this over and over and over again. Man, this lie in our heads has got to be broken, so our hearts and lives can be free. girl, I love your blog. Have a good week. You know that I've always got your back for any kind of support.

'Pure Raw Joy'! HELLO TO ALL! said...

Wow, thank you for this comment, praizer! It sounds like you woke up like i did! Fear is so debilitating and crippling. And listening to what our heads say is bad news. My head can't be trusted. So glad it was a good blog entry. I feel on track. I walked 2 miles today and may go for a swim. I wanna be free of this fat suit. It doesn't fit me anymore. My Spirit is too skinny for it! Much love to you! Is this my main girl, Glenda??? xoxo michelle joy