I had such a great day today. I worked at Arnold's Way Raw Vegetarian Cafe and Education Center, where I am one of the chefs, and it was such a supportive day, there and at home, that i am feeling filled with only good feelings. SO NICE!
One of our co-workers, Josh, is leading a 21 day workshop at Arnold's Way called the "21 Day Transformation." Even ARNOLD is joining in...as are my other coworkers, Dorinda, and Megan, and 25 other customers!!!! For 21 days (which started last week), people are committing to better their diets, and get more in touch with nature and themselves. I worked with Josh today, who is such a darling, and I'm really feeling like a new beginning is in the works. Also, i came clean with Arnold and told him of my terrible personal struggles and crisis with cooked food and I felt so enveloped by love. Arnold is a special, dear person who is so filled with love. He thrives on helping people and i can only feel blessed and grateful to have him in my life. He also agreed to be my sponsor the next few days (weeks?) to get me over the hump and back on the raw track. He said to me, "Michelle, you're on overload." He can see in my cheeks, in my eyes, in my weight gain, that i'd veered off course. I am lucky to have such a good friend. I'm going to join the 21 Day Transformation and welcome anyone else who wants to join, too!
NEW VIDEOS regarding the 21 Day Transformation: www.youtube.com/arnoldsway
Neverthelss, after watching that show, and doing alot of thinking, i really had an "Ahha" moment. Remember i sang at the raw wedding union in Oregon???? I was doing 80-10-10 at the time, filling myself with lots and lots of nutrition and keeping away from all stimulants, and i was as COOL AS A CUCUMBER, able to handle the stress of flying across the country to sing for strangers. Compare that to today, eating cooked food, i'm suddenly a mess with stress, even lesser stress, singing a local opera. The point is: like kids who have ADD and behave BETTER on a better diet, i'm behaving poorly, due to my recent poor diet. It's a case of which came first, the chicken or the egg? Am i eating poorly because of stress? Or am i stressed because i'm eating poorly. I'm tending to think it's the LATTER.
Also, Dr. Amen says that meditation is immensely helpful for my type of personality. Everything he said confirmed what i know. I do better on fruits and veggies, i need meditation to calm down, exercise to de-stress... And maybe i need some supplements to help my brain function better.
Cliff knows what's going on with my food issues and he's been tough, but so loving. He washed me in the tub this morning. That felt immensely nurturing and loving. He told me i look beautiful even though i know i look awful. 299.25 this morning.
Going to work having gained weight today was hard, but turned out to not be as hard as i thought it would be. I was busy, so I did surprisingly great at work with food. I actually didn't even really eat that much. And because i was honest about my crisis, i received so much support from coworkers and customers. One of my students from a raw class was particularly inspiring and uplifting. She is doing FABULOUS and has lost weight since i last saw her (and the teacher has gained!) She reminded me of my story in Lisa Montgomery's book, "RAW INSPIRATION," and how i said i would never eat cooked food again.
She has found a good rhythm for herself with her eating after taking Susan Aman's class (Susan is my catering partner), and now does, without fail, lemon water before breakfast, then fruit, then a green smoothie, then more fruit, then salad, then a cooked vegan dinner. That sounds very do-able, and I think I can transition back on track doing just that. Arnold's daughter, Maya, suggested I "transition", also, and i have to agree, at this point, with how bad things have been, it actually sounds smart, although, i don't know if i can accomplish it, but it would take a lot of the pressure off of having to be perfectly raw, and then to fall and binge as horribly, as i have been. It sounds SENSIBLE. If i can do it is another story. I'll tell you one thing, it will be a huge improvement over my breakfast this morning from the Dunkin Donuts Drive In: 2 eggwhite flatbread sandwhiches, 1 waffle, egg 'n cheese, 1 order hash browns. Uy vey!
The good news is i made it home from work without incident and i'm feeling good and positive. I have butterflies in my tummy regarding my opera performance on Sunday. And that's just the way it should be. No more hiding in food.
I'll keep you informed.
Just feeling grateful for support tonight.
xoxo michelle joy