Thursday, April 8, 2010



I meditated this morning for a good long time. Time to get back on track, and I took action by meditating. Hallelujah!

I do a meditation i learned years ago at This meditation teaches you to not get sucked in by your thoughts. We are taught that our thoughts are not us. When I do the FHU meditation, I learn to SEE my thoughts, but not react emotionally to them. Instead, I learn to follow the STILL SMALL VOICE inside, instead of following what my THOUGHTS tell me to do. I have stinkin' thinkin' so why would i want to listen to THAT?

As a binge eater, I often FEEL very very similar to a serial killer. I know that sounds nuts, but eating as if i am insatiable...IS nuts. My head tells me to get this and get that and eat this and eat that. And i've learned to obey. Serial killers get 'messages' to kill. I get messages to 'eat.' They've learned killing feels good. I've learned eating feels good. We all know, in our heart of hearts that none of these behaviors REALLY make us FEEL GOOD.

Meditating in this way also enables me to live in the moment, to not live in the past or project into the future. You know when kids daydream in class? That's what i do...when i'm binge eating. I'm lost somewhere in my head, in distorted thought, imagining, dreaming, wanting, desiring. I feel INSANE when i am in this place. I imagine this is what a serial killer does, too. We're both mentally ill. Only my addiction tastes better. (well, maybe!!!)

We've all learned from THE SECRET that thoughts PRECEDE action. So if we have a thought and we dwell on it and accept it, pretty soon, we're going to act on it.

If we have a thought and just let it pass by our mind's eye as if we were watching a TV screen, and we just let it go past and don't react, the thought loses it's power. THE SECRET never addressed that.

You know how sometimes you'll be in a strange situation like say, your little neice is in the kitchen with you and she's near a knife and all of a sudden this thought of little film in your imagination of what could happen flashes in your mind - the knife could fall and her hand could get cut off, something like that... So, we snap out of it and return to reality and move the knife. Well, maybe if you were a serial killer, you'd take the knife and actually cut her hand off.

People get thoughts like this all of the time. Maybe not sick ones, like me! Say, you're married and you see a hot guy and you imagine what he'd look like with his shirt off. If you were the cheating type, you might follow through on that thought and go take his shirt off and have an affair. If you weren't that type, you'd just dismiss the thought, and move on.

The FHU talks alot about the 'inclination of the heart.' Two people can have the same exact thoughts...say, looking at a cheesecake...and both wanting to eat the entire thing. But because of the inclination of the heart, one won't...and one will. (Later, when no one is looking). The one who DOES it, believes that because she THINKS something, she HAS to do it. That's been me.

I think binge eating is a mental disorder. I think it's also a physical disorder...the cravings are real...for the drugs of wheat and dairy. They DO make you 'feel good' temporarily. I also think binge eating is a spiritual disorder.

I hope to combat all of those things by meditation, getting back on a healthy eating plan and by walking again. Walking will made me feel good feelings, self esteem and a natural high and will relieve stress. Meditating centers me and helps me combat bad behaviors. A healthier diet will stop the craving cycle.

Yesterday was not a good day.

But, i feel renewed today. We stayed at our house last night. I needed that little break. And I'm going for a walk in a few minutes. And I vocalized already this morning and i'm shocked my voice wasn't that bad at all. I took lots of Betaine HcL, Papaya enzymes and Bromelain enzymes to prevent reflux laryngitis and it helped.

Everyone at Arnold's Way is doing the 21 Day Transformation, and I'm joining in. Check out the videos at Arnold's Youtube Channel On the right, click on "SEE ALL" and 9 new videos will come up, several on the 21 Day Transformation.

If anyone needs a Transformation, I do!!

xoxo michelle joy

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