I'm Still A SUCCESS!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

DAY ONE with Carlene Jones Private Raw Counseling www.carlenejones.com

Weight Today: 287.5 (not as bad as i feared)
Top Weight: 425 lbs
Total Loss: -137.5 lbs

[Lowest raw weight: 249 lbs]
[Highest Weightloss Total: -176 lbs]

[+38.5 lbs gain since lowest raw weight]

Food: Journal is public at: http://fitday.com/fitness/PublicJournals.html?Owner=LaSoprana

Hello there, Fine Folks,

How are you all doing?

Above are current images of me that i needed to take to submit to Carlene for the online raw food program i joined yesterday. Yup, she wanted a picture of the scale!

I'm very psyched about joining the program, but a bit fearful. Although i have a feeling the program will be as easy as I make up my mind it will be.

Regretfully, today, i've already eaten over 1500 calories, although they were raw calories. Hours later, i'm not hungry, and don't plan on eating much later, so today can actually be considered a big success compared to the ultra high calorie cooked food binges i've been binge eating on. [As a part of Carlene's program, I'm required to log my food into www.fitday.com. ]

I'm sincerely shocked at how highly caloric dates and avocado are. 8 Medjools are 560 calories! 2 avocados are also 560 calories! Wow...good awareness! I've made my fitday journal public - please see the address above if you're interested in viewing it.

With Carlene, i am to log my food daily following a plan that we come up with. We don't have that plan yet, but i started today anyway. My new program will be created between the both of us after several assignments, and after tonight's first phone call.

On a side note, I'm anxious to find out how this phone call with Carlene goes. Carlene is no stranger to me. She was my coach previously for a very short time, but i left her. I felt she was excessively strict and even abusive and I dropped out of the excessively strict program i had joined - a version of her rawfoodbootcamp that was designed to have me running a marathon at the end. After the first few days on the program, she began pushing my walking to 1.5 hours a day and i got yelled at for eating guacamole out at a lunchdate with a friend.

The program i have presently joined, i believe, is more lenient, so i'm hoping Carlene is less harsh. All evidence is leading me to believe she's somewhat softer. She's mentioned in emails about how she has had a new change of heart and found that women could not only lose weight, but kept it off better, the less harsh the diet. So, we shall see.

Even writing about the possibility of a less strict diet is calming me. I do think excessively out of control binge eating can be set off by excessively strong strictness, etc... Carlene, herself, newly admits on her new website (her name) that she has found it is far better for clients to lose weight slower and keep it off (change your habits longterm) than to lose super fast, only to gain it back right away.

Though i want to get this weight off, my cravings for Boca Burgers belie my true desire to enjoy weightloss along the way so i won't be tempted to go nuts as often or as intensely. We'll see what Carlene says.

Today, I was desperate to get back on track and feel a sense of control over my eating since i've been feeling so terribly out of control, so i put myself back on raw today with no salt. But, cravings for cooked foods hounded me earlier.

I WAS very tempted to go get that favorite Boca Burger today from the corner deli that serves them. It was a devilish thought since my new "diet" hasn't officially begun yet, and we are only in the fact finding phase. I experienced some serious contemplations about having one more of those yummy things, but, thankfully restrained myself. You know, at some point, ya gotta draw a line in the sand. If Carlene puts Boca Burgers on my program, i'll eat them then.

I am honestly expeiencing pain that i'll miss them. I wish i could control myself and have certain veggie-things be a part of my life. I don't think a veggie burger every killed anyone. Maybe some day. I'll work with Carlene on what my program will be.

Overall, my goals are to get back to daily walking, and get back to weighing 249 for my first goal and to get back to at least MOSTLY RAW.

I find it amazing that i have NOT begun to eat meat again during these binges. Maybe a high raw diet with some vegetarian cooked foods could work for me?

Obviously, it would be AMAZING to stop binge eating for good, but i'm not sure how realistic that is during this 4 week program. I've been blogging since May, 2009 and though i've gone through various levels of success/failure with my weight, binge eating has been ever present in one form or another. Hopefully, Carlene will address those issues.

So....I'll look forward to updating you on how my new program shapes up!

One thing i know for sure: I may not be where i WANT to be....but i'm nowhere near where i USED to be!!! I was very pleased when i weighed myself today that i was not 299 as i had guestimated on Carlene's website when she asked for my weight. In fact, i'm over 10 lbs lighter than i believed. I've NOT gained 40 or even 50 lbs, so I feel like i'm starting out with a huge win!

xoxo michelle joy