Effortless Effort!

It's been a wonderful two days....! I don't quite know how they happened. They just did.

On Friday, Cliff drove me to work as it had snowed. We had shared raw breakfast, and then at work, i was busy and occupied and really peaceful and happy and not thinking about or obsessing over food for most of the day. It felt like a burden had been lifted. I don't quite know WHY or HOW that happened. It just did. I enjoyed raw meals in the raw kitchen at Arnolds Way, where i work.

Friday evening, Cliff picked me up from work. We shared raw dinner together and watched a movie together, and i had no compulsive feelings for food that evening. Lovely togetherness may be helping things, too, i suppose!

Cliff has been doing so well with raw the last few days. He's lost 7 lbs overall and is wonderfully supportive and committed to eating mostly raw. It's been cradling for me. Thank you, my darling.

Today, my honey and I were a terrific duo once again. We spent almost the entire day with each other, and it was so wonderful. It was a mostly raw day.

Here's my food report from today:

Br: Green Smoothie: green leaf lettuce, banana, apple, agave, water

Lu: Raw Car Picnic: mixed raw plate in the car in South Philly made from Igloo contents -
-slice of carrot 'living bread' slathered with 1/2 avo with celtic salt, lime, garlic
-1/4 of a tomato
-cabbage slaw
-marinated mushrooms
-1 of my world famous chocolate bliss balls.

Cliff and I eating together in the car is such a delight. I thoroughly enjoyed this meal and did not feel compulsive in the least!

DRINK: cup of cammomile tea with honey* (not raw honey) in South Philly at a sweet coffee shop full of characters

DRINK: cup of earl grey with honey* (not raw honey) in an area near 5th & Girard called "The Piazza" in Northern Liberties section of Phila.

Sn: leftover green smoothie. Felt hungry.

Dinner: Felt hungry! Mixed raw plate, our favorite kinds of meals these days -
-slice of carrot 'living bread' with the same mixture (avo, lime, salt, tomato)
-marinated mushrooms
-plop of zucchini spaghetti with delicious raw tomato sauce
-cabbage slaw
-my own homemade sauerkraut
-few dehydrated zuchhini bites (zucchini, tomato, italian cashew 'cheeze')
-chocolate hemp milk* (not raw)

Dinner was such a delight. I was hungry! But i restrained myself from picking preparing our dinner plates. Eating while hungry felt so TRUE and REAL. It was hard to restrain myself prior to sitting down, but i did it and felt empowered.

I insisted Cliff turn off the computer so we could share a dinner together. So much of the wonderful feelings these past two days was shared between the two of us. Why shouldn't we continue this onto meals at home and actually eat TOGETHER, sitting at the table, without distractions? What made lunch so special in the car was the togetherness, and how eating raw until satisfied makes you feel pleasantly full, energized and ready to go out and have fun, instead of feeling weighted down and tired and compulsive. It was so lovely. We're so in love these past two days.

We are not regular prayers, but spontaneously I said a prayer before eating, which Cliff finished, thanking God for the raw food and asking for his support for our diet and our love, which made the meal feel special and sanctified. All meals should be so.

We ate at the dining room table and chatted, and it felt so wonderful and like a BALM for eliminating compulsive eating - actually connecting with my honey during a meal, instead of feeding my face in secret, and connecting to a higher power, and staying attuned to my feelings of hunger/fullness/satiety/satisfaction....were all practices in CONSCIOUS EATING. And it felt good!!!!

The dinner plate also included such wonderful tastes, salty, sweet, sour. We both expressed feeling so satisfied and missing nothing on our plates.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tonight I went to a healthy eating meeting that a friend of mine from Arnold's Way invited me to. We were all asked to bring a small bag of fresh cut veggies to create a giant salad for the group to share, and we all enoyed a lovely talk on the benefits of greens, of veganism, and the dangers of processed food. We had time for sharing and I had some wonderfully supportive sharing with my friend, Valerie, who suggested i go to the meeting with her.

I'll tell you about it more tomorrow.

Sn: at the health talk - plate of cucumber, cherry tomato, carrot, almonds, sunflower seeds. Not hungry, but decided to eat.

DRINK: Hot chocolate with my honey made from hemp milk, raw cacao, agave and some regular milk * (not raw) Not hungry, but desirous of something creamy and comforting and warming.

I'm going to be working on mindful eating more than anything else. I'm becoming more and more and more convinced that THIS will lead me to stopping binge eating. If i eat cooked or if i eat raw, i don't really much mind, as long as i stop binge eating! How this will all form remains to be seen. I felt delighted with the way today turned out!

Isn't it funny? I give myself permission to eat cooked, and consequently eat almost entirely raw! On the other hand, days when i try to white knuckle not binge eating gourmet at work end up in total disaster, stuffing my face. But on Friday, i didn't even THINK about what i was going to eat and ended up hardly thinking of food!

On the topic of binge eating, I had something not raw today (hemp milk and milk and not raw honey) and it didn't MAKE me binge. So, i don't think it's COOKED FOOD that MAKES me binge. I think it's how i THINK about cooked food that makes me binge. And it's how i THINK about GOURMET RAW food that makes me binge. It's being disconnected. It's eating automatically. At the meeting, the leader talked about "6 seconds of pleasure, 24 hours of suffering." I could really relate to that. Binge eating, i just ZONE OUT. It's like i'm not even THERE.

But, oddly enough, on these last vegetarian binges, i was really tuning in somewhat. And in doing that, i was all of a sudden able to make better choices. Kind of miraculously.

A BIG topic tonight was AWARENESS and BEING NON JUDGEMENTAL and BEING CURIOUS and just WATCHING OURSELVES. There is HUGE power in that.

I've asked the woman who led the meeting tonight to possibly coach me. She is a vegan who eats high raw and practices mindful eating. It feels like a good fit, and an answer to a "SECRET" attraction as i've been searching for someone to help me. With her focus on AWARENESS, MINDFULNESS and EATING FOR HEALTH and eating HIGH RAW, it felt like a wonderful fit and i'm feeling hopeful for the future!

More tomorrow!

xoxo michelle joy