Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Fallin' Feels like Flyin'

Well, i talked to God and this is what he told me - I've been deluding myself. I've been havin' a good old time, "feeling like i'm flying...when i'm really falling." I heard this song on Public Radio on an interview about Jeff Bridges' new movie, and it really struck me to the core.

from the movie "Crazy Heart" with Jeff Bridges

I was goin' where i shouldn't go...
and seein' whom i shouldn't see...
doin' what i shouldn't do...
and meetin' who i shouldn't meet.

A little voice told me it's all wrong
Another voice told me it's alright
I used to think that i was strong

until lately that it's hard to fight

It's funny how fallin' feels like flyin', for a little while

It's funny how fallin' feels like flyin' if only for a little while

I got tired of bein' good
I started missin' that old feelin'
Stop actin' like i thought i should
No matter what it did to me

I never did hurt no one
I was happy and had my way

There's such a thing as too much fun
This won't be the price you pay

It's funny how fallin' feels like flyin', for a little while
It's funny how fallin' feels like flyin', for a little while

Never see it comin' til it's goin'

It all happens for a reason even when it's gone

Especially when it's wrong

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I started out today not knowing what to do, but now i know. This song convinced my heart. And my head. It was one of those "Ah, ha" moments. This song was a message and i accept that. Cooked food felt liberating after all of this time. I was enjoying it. It "felt" like flying...but i was falling.

I also had another "Ah, ha" moment when I went to the movies today and got buttered popcorn for the first time in over 3 years. [Buttered movie popcorn was a serious addiction back in the days of weighing 425 lbs.] As i sat down in the movie seat, i was reminded that i now FIT in the chair, and that i used to NOT fit and that if i kept this up, i wouldn't fit again. When i used to eat buttered popcorn, i wasn't TRYING to get fat, just like i'm not now. i was just loving food...too the point that it almost killed me. Am i willing to let that happen to myself again? Just for some good tastes?

Why did i go to OHI? Because i was convinced that if i got OFF of cooked food there would be hope for me. And in fact, over the last 3 years, i've been able to 'miraculously' keep OFF weight... when i NEVER could before. Why? Because i learned moderation? No. I kept it off because i stayed RAW.

I savored the popcorn, because i said to myself, "This is the last cooked meal you're eating." It just all made sense in my heart and in my mind.

All of my problems lately were as a result of eating cooked food. I made peace with it and am now moving on. It was fun while it lasted.

I went to the market and got a ton of greens and am looking forward to more and more green smoothies over the next days.

xoxo michelle joy

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