Fallin' Feels like Flyin'

Well, i talked to God and this is what he told me - I've been deluding myself. I've been havin' a good old time, "feeling like i'm flying...when i'm really falling." I heard this song on Public Radio on an interview about Jeff Bridges' new movie, and it really struck me to the core.

FALLIN' FEELS LIKE FLYING
from the movie "Crazy Heart" with Jeff Bridges
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkMDJuKeix0

I was goin' where i shouldn't go...
and seein' whom i shouldn't see...
doin' what i shouldn't do...
and meetin' who i shouldn't meet.

A little voice told me it's all wrong
Another voice told me it's alright
I used to think that i was strong

until lately that it's hard to fight

It's funny how fallin' feels like flyin', for a little while

It's funny how fallin' feels like flyin' if only for a little while

I got tired of bein' good
I started missin' that old feelin'
Stop actin' like i thought i should
No matter what it did to me

I never did hurt no one
I was happy and had my way

There's such a thing as too much fun
This won't be the price you pay

It's funny how fallin' feels like flyin', for a little while
It's funny how fallin' feels like flyin', for a little while

Never see it comin' til it's goin'

It all happens for a reason even when it's gone

Especially when it's wrong

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I started out today not knowing what to do, but now i know. This song convinced my heart. And my head. It was one of those "Ah, ha" moments. This song was a message and i accept that. Cooked food felt liberating after all of this time. I was enjoying it. It "felt" like flying...but i was falling.

I also had another "Ah, ha" moment when I went to the movies today and got buttered popcorn for the first time in over 3 years. [Buttered movie popcorn was a serious addiction back in the days of weighing 425 lbs.] As i sat down in the movie seat, i was reminded that i now FIT in the chair, and that i used to NOT fit and that if i kept this up, i wouldn't fit again. When i used to eat buttered popcorn, i wasn't TRYING to get fat, just like i'm not now. i was just loving food...too much...to the point that it almost killed me. Am i willing to let that happen to myself again? Just for some good tastes?

Why did i go to OHI? Because i was convinced that if i got OFF of cooked food there would be hope for me. And in fact, over the last 3 years, i've been able to 'miraculously' keep OFF weight... when i NEVER could before. Why? Because i learned moderation? No. I kept it off because i stayed RAW.

I savored the popcorn, because i said to myself, "This is the last cooked meal you're eating." It just all made sense in my heart and in my mind.

All of my problems lately were as a result of eating cooked food. I made peace with it and am now moving on. It was fun while it lasted.

I went to the market and got a ton of greens and am looking forward to more and more green smoothies over the next days.

xoxo michelle joy