Friday, July 15, 2011
TRUST AND FAITH WIN OUT!
Maybe i'm just in a nausiatingly happy raw honeymoon phase now, but i'm positively exstatic and want to let you know that JOYFUL LIVING IS possible! Woot, woot, woot!
Back on raw over 7 weeks, and I feel FANTASTIC! I want to shout it from the rooftops!
I went to the movies last night with Debbie and her sister and fit in the movie seat easily! And in every car that Deb or Ken drive us in, the seatbelt fits! What a blessing!
I also have been walking easily and long...daily! Today I went for a walk this morning for 45 minutes, and later on, Deb and I went out for at least another 40 minute walk! Okay, my feet hurt on the 2nd walk, but what's so amazing - is this return to a lust for movement, like i had at OHI! I can move better lighter, but more than that, I WANT to MOVE!
Sacrificing my drug of choice (cooked food) is the best decision I ever made!
I’m so THRILLED (can you hear me?) to be doing so well with raw, exercising daily, LOSING WEIGHT and INCHES…..seemingly EFFORTLESSLY, practicing raw this new way!!!
I just want to squeel with delight!
Yes, raw takes effort, but it’s EFFORTLESS EFFORT because you supernaturally WANT to do it, you actually WANT to eat that raw food, so it doesn’t feel like effort at all! You gladly do what you have to do!
At a turnpike rest stop today (you know the places where everyone stands in long lines for Nathan’s hotdogs or Roy Rodgers chicken?), I actually whipped out my spiralizer at my table (in front of so many people), and spiralized zucchini for my dinner! Cliff saw onlookers eyeballing me, but chuckled at my ballsyness. I figured if anyone would have asked what the hell I was doing, I’d share with them that I am a raw vegan and that I’ve lost over 90 lbs total eating this way!
[Three times I've brought cashew cream and raw crackers in my purse with me to restaurants, too, on this trip, so i can enjoy my meal and not be starving an hour later from just a salad! If regular restaurants don't accommodate a hearty raw meal, i'll do it myself!]
I get great perks these days, too, in the romance department. Cliff is so happy to have his happy honey back, he hugged and kissed me this morning with such genuine love and affection and said, “I love you, Michelle!” with real feeling in his voice and in his kiss. He also added, “I’m so proud of you. It looks like you’ve lost 10-15 lbs more!”
I may be nuts, but i think i have!
Thinking i've lost more without really KNOWING is so EXCITING and FRIGHTENING all in one!
I'll tell you one thing - the skirt on my bathing suit doesn’t hike up anymore, and I don’t look like I’m carrying around spare tires on every part of my body (you know, that blown up Michelin Man look) like i did 7.5 weeks ago.
When i picture myself in the outfit i had on today when i wore it 7.5 weeks ago, i looked a lot different. I was all blown up like a balloon and the entire outfit was VERY VERY TIGHT on me with LOTS of visible ROLLS. In fact, i tried it on, but couldn't wear it, it looked so bad.
Now my orange shirt is hanging...especially in the waist area. The difference is remarkable. Unless i'm totally nuts and just imagining it?
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You know, i really had to think HARD about that. Search my memory about how that outfit fit before. Because we food addicts have such a hard time with denial and with remembering really how bad things were or are, we deny how fat we are or were, and how much better or worse we are today. We poo poo progress instead of celebrate it! And we obsess over our failures. We're really bad at that. We so easily give in with a peice of chocolate cake because we can't acknowledge, see, remember, or believe the progress we've made. We don't take the TIME to sit with feeling discouraged, but NOT act on it, to give us the TIME to come to realize, "Shit, i'm doing fabulously!"
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YES, I think i've lost 50 lbs!
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Some people can’t believe that raw food does anything special for you. “Why would you want to eat rabbit food all day? I just don't understand it!”
BECAUSE IT"S HEALTHY, full of ENZYMES, and NUTRITION, because it TASTES DELICIOUS, IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD, it takes away my COMPULSIONS for binge eating, IT TAKES my SNORING away, it promises to take away any other DISEASES i may have because it is STRENGTHENING MY IMMUNE SYSTEM, IT HELPS ME LOSE WEIGHT without gastric bypass, IT MAKES me FEEL HAPPY BECAUSE RAW ALKELIZES ME (a side benefit of alkelization is mood enhancement), IT TAKES DEPRESSION AWAY, IT TAKES REFLUX AWAY, it takes nagging HUNGER away, my belly feels NOTHING all day! Need i go on?
RAW is my little secret WONDER DRUG! I gladly spiralize in public and bring containers of cashew cheese with me to Wendy's and look like a wacked out weirdo for...THIS...JOY!
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You know how beer makes you drunk? How coffee makes you buzzed? How a box of chocolates gets your heart racing? How oysters make you feel turned on? How thanksgiving turkey puts you to sleep? How a sugary fatty donut picks you up and drops you low later? How biting into some ooey gooey cheese pizza gets you excited, but then after 4 peices, leaves you feeling stuffed, bloated, heavy, belchy and only wanting to sit in front of the TV flipping channels??
There is no denying it any longer.
GOOD...HEALTHY...RAW....FOOD makes you feel GOOD and HEALTHY and ALIVE!
"Comfort foods" that are unhealthy and dead make you feel dead!
Maybe not at first. But they do!
(Come on, you know they do. Who are we kidding here?)
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I am finding that as long as I don’t overeat fat too too too much (i've been keeping it to one meal a day as much as i want, which turns out not to be as much as you'd expect), and as long as I keep my fatty meal for DINNER (a fatty afternoon meal i've confirmed zaps me of energy), and as long as I exercise strenuously and daily, and as long as i listen to my body’s hunger/fullness signals and eat until i'm pleasantly satisfied, and drink plenty of water, ....raw food is making me feel...and become...TRANSFORMED!
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I’ve been experiencing so much Euphoria lately that I finally understand when raw foodists talk about raw food giving them so much energy and happy feelings!
Happy, happy, happy!
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This is one of the first times, on my own, that I’ve been eating moderate fat raw without bingeing on it...and i'm losing weight~!!!!!! The only other time i did this was at OHI.
Remember the balance I always talked about that i wanted so desperately?
I think i've found it!
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Truth be know, today I feel like fucking WONDER WOMAN. After that 45 minute walk AND my 40 minute walk later, I am absolutely and positively vibrating...with JOY!
I feel so empowered like I can do anything!
Exercise is known for elevating the mood, and coupled with raw food, wow, what a combo!
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If you’re still binge eating and still stuck in misery, I know your pain. I can’t believe I was back there where you are just weeks ago. I know how you suffer. I know you feel like you can't stop eating. I know you feel like crap. I know you cry and wonder if anyone out there understands you and can help you.
I know how bad it can get with obesity and binge eating - the shame, self hatred.
I was having trouble wiping myself on the toilet 50 lbs ago. How low do you think i felt from that? And the car was getting too tight for me, i could hardly move the steering wheel. And i could hardly walk to the car, let alone get in it.
I was feeling pretty miserable.
But yet i couldn't stop eating. Binge. Binge. Binge. Fast Food. Fast Food. Fast Food.
BELIEVE me, a few WEEKS on raw make a HUMONGOUS DIFFERENCE!
I NEVER want to go back there again!
I refuse to allow that to be my life again~!
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NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS THIS FEELS!
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Food is not comfort. Comfort is comfort. You need a cry. A shoulder to cry on. A God to look up to. A friend to hug. A parent to run to. A movie or book to curl up with. A hot bath to soak in.
Food lies. You WON'T feel better. Don't listen to it.
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Raw will clean you out and set you straight. You won't recognize yourself!
Go on, try it!
I dare you!
Make the commitment to eat raw today!
If you need to like i do, view cooked as an addiction (i needed to, maybe you need to, too. Or find what level of raw works for you, some may need 100%, some may be fine with 70% or less. We all have to find our own unique individual way).
Suffer through the first few days of healthy food, and be your best friend by listening to your hunger/fullness at every meal.
Get your body moving every day, and drink water, and I promise, you will begin to feel better and look better, very very very soon!
I'M LEARNING TO TRUST...You have to LEARN to TRUST!
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Go cold turkey like me, or eat everything you eat with LOVE, even if it's not raw. Love yourself no matter what. You'll get there. TRUST that you will!
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WE'VE BEEN BURNED SO MANY TIMES BEFORE. EVEN WITH RAW PROGRAMS THAT PROMISE THE WORLD. I DON'T THINK ANY RAW "PLAN" WILL GET YOU ANYWHERE UNTIL YOU LEARN TO TRUST and LISTEN TO YOURSELF, YOUR HUNGER/FULLNESS, YOUR OWN NEEDS, and fill yourself with LOVE and FAITH!
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Raw is not a diet.
Raw is ABUNDANCE and the pathway to a new life~!
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I'm finding i can eat ANYTHING raw I want, I just try to go light during the day and save my heavy meal for later, and move, move, move!
I'm trusting that eating dessert, eating avo, eating nuts will see me lose weight, because that's the way i want it!
[I wait. Wait until i'm H U N G R Y! I skip bfast if i'm not hungry. I go for a LONG STRENUOUS but JOYOUS walk! Then I wait until i feel pleasantly starving (HUNGRY ON RAW IS SO DIFFERENT, SO TOLERABLE and PLEASURABLE)! I drink a smoothie and eat fruit during the day, and then a sensible gourmet dinner. If I've really worked hard with exercise that day, i may be hungry for a small fat free raw snack later (some berries, or apple). Routines are made to be broken at times, too. If i eat a little heavier one day, my body adjusts and i'm not as hungry the next. That's it!]
My trust has not yet been broken! My body and innate wisdom guide me! I'm finding my balance! I'm eating gourmet...and loving it...AND losing, just like at OHI!
I guess the difference now is returning to INNOCENT BELIEF in RAW, coupled with BODY AWARENESS.
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But, I'm human, and I’ve experienced some significant moments of doubt over the last few days.
Can this REALLY be working? I've tried gourmet before and all i do is binge or don't lose or gain! I'm eating gourmet every night for dinner...am I really losing weight?
Since I don’t weigh myself anymore, I can’t really tell. And I have had a few episodes of serious fear. Am I trusting something that is going to let me down like everything i've ever tried??????
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Cliff laundered some of my clothes for me before the trip, so they were all nice and fresh and clean. What a pleasure it was to reach into my suitcase in Ohio and find fresh smelling clean clothes!
But, when I put on my orange outfit, I expected it to be looser if I’d lost weight.
And I was so scared! I KNEW how much better i looked, i could SEE it in the mirror, but was the mirror fooling me? I KNEW i was moving and not overeating or bingeing. So why weren't the clothes baggier?
I wracked my brain trying to remember how they fit me before and i couldn't remember.
I wanted to run to the scale and weigh myself right away!
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But I didn’t. I just bit my lip and suffered a little ego deflation in silence and kept telling myself, "Okay, if you haven't lost, you will, if you just continue to put ONE foot in front of the other and not give up, and continue to only eat when you're hungry, and only eat enough to satisfy, and continue to exercise, there is no way you won’t eventually lose weight, Michelle."
It calmed me.
And brought back vivid vivid memories of what that outfit used to look like on me 7.5 weeks ago.
Wow....i remember now.....it didn't FIT!
My patience paid off. I'm so glad i didn't binge over the overreaction to NOTHING.
It finally dawned on me - my clothes were not loose because they’d been dried in the dryer and shrunk!
Hallelujah, my trust was not in vane!!!!
The grey clouds parted and the sun beamed through!
I am losing weight all on my own and on my own terms!
The second day I wore those clothes, they’d loosened up SIGNIFICANTLY!!!! There was no denying it anymore. I have definitely lost a good deal of weight!
Cliff hugged me and confirmed, “Oh, yeah. I can get my arms around you again! Definitely! Look how baggy your orange outfit is!”
And it was! So different than 7.5 weeks ago, my God!
Darned dryer scaring me like that! I woulda fucked up my diet before over that fear. I woulda run right to food to "make me feel better."
Extra food doesn't make me feel better.
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Honestly, I feel like I’ve lost 50 lbs, like I weigh 325, but I’m not going to run to the scale and peak! I don’t want to ruin the wonderful roll I’m on with a possible discouragement or dissappointment. Maybe i didn't really lose that much and i'm in denial??
DENIAL can be GREAT!
IT MEANS I'M WORKING "THE SECRET!"
I'M LIVING AND BELIEVING in "WHAT I WANT"....INSTEAD OF MOURNING AND LAMENTING AND COMPLAINING and CURSING "WHAT IS!"
Fuck the truth, i'll take beautiful lies any day because they will lead me to where i want to go! I am NOT giving up...no matter WHAT i weigh!
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LIVE IN THE PROCESS...NOT IN THE RESULTS. LET GOD TAKE CARE OF THE RESULTS. YOU DO YOUR JOB, LET HIM DO HIS!
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I just wanna keep on trusting and having faith because it makes my heart happy and makes me feel so good and it makes me SMILE!
And weighing myself brought me mostly MISERY!
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A smile is CONTAGIOUS, so is a HAPPY HEART AND BRIGHT CHEERY SPIRIT!
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Sometimes i feel like the DEVIL wants to take me down. That muthereffer....!
I ain't gonna let him! I'm gonna have to kill that sumunabitch! There ain't no room here for him and me!
xoxo michelle joy
Posted by MICHELLE at FREEDOM FROM BINGING at 9:00 PM