Saturday, July 30, 2011



When i was raw for 3.5 years, the hair on the top of my head was thinner than ever.

When i went OFF of raw for an entire year (and binged continually and gained over 100 lbs), my hair GREW IN and you couldn't see through the top of my head (a horse shoe shape of exposed scalp) anymore. When i combed through my hair or washed it, hardly any hair came out.

9 weeks into raw, and everytime i put my fingers through my hair now, it's like 25 hairs come out. Each time. I could run my fingers through my hair 10x in a row, and each time i produce hair with roots.

The other day when i said i felt like i was going crazy, i just kept doing that, over and over again, and hair just kept coming out, over and over and over again. I was in a panic, crying.

Is this detox and "nothing to worry about, it'll grow back" like everyone says, although it never grew back when i was raw for 3.5 years?

The major reason i've turned back to raw is because I BELIEVE it helps to control my compulsive binge eating. I really do BELIEVE it helps.

So, I'm a little frightened to start eating fish or cooked greens or beans or starches again because they're so freaking delish, i binge on them, but if it would help, at this point, i'm feeling like i might consider it....

Any insight?

_ _ _ _

I weighed myself for the 3rd time in 9 weeks yesterday. I am really doing well with restraining myself from hopping on the scale daily. It really effects my mood, so i've given it up.

I was pleased to see I am down 40 lbs since starting back to raw 9 weeks ago and down 90 in total. I'm happy with the -40, as my MAIN GOAL is to eradicate binge eating.

I'm working a process of finding balance for myself with raw that includes PLEASURE eating (gourmet raw), considers HEALTH (low fat raw), and marries the two into a LONG-TERM liveable raw diet that i don't have to go ON and OFF of.

In doing that, weight loss may take a little longer, but it will be permanent and I won't be a binge eater anymore. That's more important than ANYTHING.

_ _ _

I was very motivated by Megan's exercise video, "Hate exercise? So did I!" If you haven't watched it, you can find it on a blog entry below.

Towards the end of the video, Megan (a former sedentary person, 85 lbs heavier), speaks about the immense importance of discipline and consistency with exercise. She teaches to do as she has become accustomed to: "Exercise...even when you don't feel like it."

Her words were very powerful to me, especially seeing the HUGE changes in her body over the last year. I've only known Megan as a rail thin-type body. (She lost her excess weight before i knew her.) But in time that she's been working out with weights, running and rock climbing, the amount of muscle the little spitfire has packed on over the last year is amazing. From twiggy shaplier and shaplier every DAY....right before my eyes! Those legs are gorgeous! I can see her thigh muscles popping out in the video!

I'm amazed at what a year can DO!

Megan practices "earning her breakfast" by exercising in the morning BEFORE eating breakfast. This is a teaching from my boss, Arnold Kauffman, of Arnold's Way, and it is a hard one, but a good one to follow and consider.

_ _ _

Cliff and I just got back from a walk. I enjoyed a wonderful smoothie and am looking forward to lunch now. I earned it!

_ _ _ _

Overeating nuts/fats/salt de-energize me. When i eat them in moderation, I feel good!

Thursday and Friday at work, I kept the fats and nuts to a minimum, and I had energy all day at work!

So did Arnold. We even discussed it how we noticed it in each other. Both of us had not had a lot of nuts or fat or salt and we both felt energetic all day!

In fact on FRIDAY, I felt immensely energized, like i wanted to jump out of my skin! I felt like i could run a marathon!

_ _ _

Cliff took me to OASIS LIVING FOODS in FRAZER, PA on Saturday. We got raw lunch to go, for us, and for our friend, who we were going to go visit, and I bought some raw goodies for myself.

At our friends', I ate 1/2 of my nori roll with brazil nut pate, and 1/2 of a lime tart, eating until the hungry feelings went away and until i felt pleasantly satisfied, not 'stuffed,' just comfortably full.

Immediately after lunch, I felt so energized, my legs were, like, percolating! I wanted to walk!What an amazing feeling that overcomes you with raw food when you follow your bodies needs, eat just enough, and then feel like you could run a marathon!!!

Unfortunately, Cliff and our friend wanted to SIT and relax and chat!

Here i am feeling this most amazing feeling of actually MY BODY telling me it wanted to move....and i HAD to SIT!!! What an awful feeling not being able to move when you actually WANT to!

I should have excused myself and gone for a walk!!!

_ _ _

So what did i do?

I ate.

I snacked on some on my raw goodies, ate the other half of my lunch, and the spielkes in my legs dissappeared.

I de-energized....MYSELF!

_ _ _

When we finally left, i didn't want to move at all I was so irritated because i'd had the feeling of energy percolating in my legs, which doesn't come often, and I chose not to respond to it, but to stuff it down and shut it up. I'd failed myself.....

Nevertheless, even though I didn't "want" to, we forced ourselves to the gym and water walked together! Good job, Cliff and Michelle!

The blahs about failing myself vanished and we had such a nice time. 30 mins was enough to feel we did "something." It was really lovely, just me and my 'Bunky'!

(We've since been back to the gym pool together 3x for water walking...together! We love it!)

_ _ _

When we got home, i was feeling hungry. It was almost 8pm. A smoothie would be the PERFECT light meal. So what did i do? I ate the leftover Oasis Living Foods Brazil nut pate with flax crackers! The next morning i woke up and felt zapped of energy.

LESSON: Next time I go to Oasis, buy only what i can eat for one meal, otherwise I'll eat the whole thing in one day and don't get the pleasure of feeling energized!


This turning from a focus on "losing weight" to "gaining energy" is actually quite refreshing! Losing weight should take care of itself if I'm constantly in a state of feeling like I want to move because i've eaten lightly enough...and then move! I enjoy my food more. I just FEEL better!

Keeping my energy up is now becoming a goal. Why? Because I've discovered, it feels so freaking good to feel energized!

_ _ _


On this journey, I will encounter troubling side effects, like losing my hair, but I've learned not to "throw the baby out with the bath water."

I obviously have a lot to learn, and I'm learning more and more every day.

I also recognize that my eating disorder and weight problem is so complex and multi-layered, I won't cure it overnight. Some days I'll progress forward in some departments, other days, i'll step backwards.

But if I keep examining my behavior, keep focusing on gaining positive energy and ways to do that, like earning my breakfast, I'm bound to get better, eventually!

xoxo michelle joy


Anonymous said...

I didn't lose my hair, but my teeth and gums suffered terribly! You don't have problems with gum recession or sensitive teeth? When I finally went to the dentist he said that my roots were all exposed and prescribed a toothpaste that helped remineralize my teeth.

Unfortunately, there's nothing that can be done about gum recession.

Candice said...

Hi Michelle,

just wanted to give you a tip in regards to the hair loss (I struggle with this too at times) have you thought about plugging your food into cronometer and seeing if any nutrients fall short? My hair tends to fall if I am low on iron, zinc, and iodine, all which are easy to be low on on a raw vegan diet. usually adding in more dark leafy greens and beets help quite a bit

'Pure Raw Joy'! HELLO TO ALL! said...

Hi Anonymous, i do have terrible tooth sensitivity on one side of my mouth. I've told my dentist about it and he suggested Sensodyne. Is it from all of the fruit? Are minerals being leeched from my teeth? Is raw BAD for teeth and gums? What can we do about this? Thanks for any info you know, Anonymous. xoxo michelle joy

'Pure Raw Joy'! HELLO TO ALL! said...

Hi Candice, thanks for the tip to eat more greens and maybe more beets. Low iron, zinc and iodine may very well be it. What is a cronometer? Where do you get one? xoxo michelle joy

Candice said...


cron-o-meter is free web software that tracks calories, nutrients, etc. It can also show you averages on what nutrients you are getting over the course of a week or longer... i don't use it obsessively, as I eat a lot of the same things every day, but if you use it for a couple of weeks you can get a feel for when you need to add more greens, or maybe some pumpkin sees for zinc, etc. I've found it helpful as a lot of times I am not getting nearly enough calories in a day, even though I've felt like I've been eating tons. here is the link if you want to give it a try!


Sari said...

Healthy oils? Are you having any good oils or do you avoid them all together? How about if you take them as a supplement (Udo's oil or similar)?

I heard about one guy who had diarrhea many, many years and he kept saying it just detox! So many seems to ignore what their body is desperately trying to say to them just by saying it's only detox. There's obliviously something lacking 'cos your hair falls every time you are on raw food but not when you're on cooked food.

Get Skinny, Go Vegan. said...

Do you take vitamins at all, just to cover the bases?? Vitamin D is supposed to help grow hair. I would get my Estradiol, Estrone, and Testosterone numbers checked. Plus DHT and insulin numbers. If you have too much Estrone or Testosterone in your body, even if they are in the "acceptable" ranges, then that will make your hair fall out. Even long term high test. can cause hair loss later on. The pill will cut test. in half. Or Bioidentical hormones can help get you balanced. Taking DIM, comprised of concentrated Brassicas, can help balance the estradiol & the estrone. Check Elizabeth Vliet's Books, It's My Ovaries Stupid. A LOT of depression, weight, thyroid issues can be due to hormones. LOTS of women are on 5 meds just because their hormones are off. Bioidentical hormones are not "drugs" but you do get them through a doctor. The pellets offer high enough doses if the cream doesn't do it for you. Planet One or something like that makes a green powder with all the aminos in it. Any dietary change can cause hair changes, however, don't wait!! Saw Palmetto & Mint Teas (just buy in bulk from Mountain Rose) can also lower the DHT/bad testosterone. Even if levels are normal, they can be affecting you in MAJOR ways. The lab tests for hormones, well, you need someone that knows about hormones to actually read them. And even lots of gynecologists, endocrinologists, NOT really know the differences or effects of Estradiol/Estrone/Testosterone. I had MAJOR issues after quitting BCP's, took them 20 years at least, and then had to learn the hard way. BCP's are a cheap way to lower testosterone, BUT, I think the body has a very hard time recovering from it. IF I were twenty today, and had issues, I would get on BHRT. Spironolactone is also a drug that is a mild blood pressure drug but will also cut the testosterone by raising the SHGB. Get your hormones checked. A normal doctor, a good one, will be willing to write the script. It would be normal for someone having the issues you talk about. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Yes,certain fruits like citrus and strawberries and pineapple cause a lot of problems for me. I also try to stay away from vinegar. Focus on the more sweeter fruits like melons, fuji apples, white nectarines and peaches, grapes etc. and see if that helps.

I agree that staying 100% raw does help in keeping me from binging on processed junk foods--although I do go overboard on the fruit!