Saturday, March 12, 2011


Good morning,

We got our computer back, yay!

I worked at Arnold's on Thursday and yesterday, Friday. They are really blessed days at Arnold's Way. We have so much fun. We are like a little family.

Last night I led another installment of "The Secret" class. This class meets every Friday night at 7pm for one hour at Arnold's Way. Routinely, we watch portions of "The Secret" DVD, but this week, we read notes I had taken from the first weeks' video portion. The focus was on the power of Affirmations, and how implanting positive thoughts wipe out negative thoughts. We had lively discussion with 5 women and then the class dwindled to a one-on-one that was intimate, enriching and empowering. This student and I seem to be going through much the same issues.

I'll call her Vicky. Vicky felt great when she was raw. She lost weight. She had abounding energy, she exercised regularly of her own accord, felt her spirit and vibrational level raise above the negative energies that usually bring her down. She felt positive, empowered, strong, able. But, Vicky explained, she falls into a self defeating pattern with her diet, repeatedly. For a time, she manages to stay on all raw, then, without warning, she starts paying attention to things she hears, that we need flesh protein as humans, or that we need some cooked vegetables and grains in our diet to be healthy. She soon falls prey to the influence, begins adding in these foods, until eventually, she falls off of raw completely, turns her back on it, and only wants to eat cooked.

She voiced that she doesn't know who to trust. Who to listen to. There are so many opionions about diet. She's easily swayed.


I shared with Vicky about the Marianne Williamson book and Meditation CD, 'A Course in Weight Loss,' and how it leads us to allowing our Higher Power to direct our diet.

Vicky complained that she prays DAILY about getting the motivation to go raw, and still, the shoe hasn't dropped. She's still in a lot of distress about how to do it, who to listen to, what plan of the myriad of raw plans to follow, what author to listen to, and voiced fear about returning to her old pattern. A kind of "what's the use?" feeling. She also berated herself for her inability to just "do it" after all of this time talking about it.

Vicky and I talked things out and decided to work the "Secret" around her issue, her feelings and thoughts concerning her diet and concerning raw.

Vicky admitted that deep down her turning to comfort food is all about soothing the hurting child who just wants to be calmed and loved and made to feel better. Vicky said that she often turns to food compulsively for comfort and love or when she's lonely or to celebrate or for any emotional reason. (As i obviously do, too). Food is a sensual experience, also, and fills in when sensual needs are not met as they should be, naturally, in more nurturing ways.



In her journey towards raw, Vicky realized as we talked, that she was making more progress than she gave herself credit for. Vicky acknowledged that she WAS taking positive steps to become raw. She had just drank a green smoothie, and never patted herself on the back for it. "Hey," I noticed, "You've been a raw foodist for the last few hours here at Arnold's Way!" Acknowledging this, she hugged herself proudly and gave herself the kudos she deserves. Yay! Vicky also admitted that she had just joined Arnold's weekly Green Smoothie club where you buy 2 green smoothies a day for a week (a new buy1 get 1 free program to turn your life around), and realized how beneficial this decision was going to be for her. She congratulated herself for this BIG step towards becoming more raw.

Vicky even adopted a new affirmation to implant positivity in her mind, instead of depressing herself by constantly saying, "Why can't i eat more raw?" Now she will say, "I am a budding raw foodist!" and be proud of every positive step she takes in that direction!

These new positive steps seemed to make her feel proud and empowered.

She even caught herself complaining once, instead of focusing on the positive and on "what she wants to be" and "already is." "There I go again!," she exclaimed, catching the negative self defeating thought.

A great first step! If we never recognize negative thoughts, we can't work on changing them!

We worked on saying, "I AM......(fill in the blank with desired positive)" instead of focusing on the dissappointments of our lives and days,...or instead of focusing on the constant desire to have something in the future with "I WANT." "I WANT," Shaei reminded us, means we'll never get it, we're always yearning for something, but it will continue to stay out of our reach. "I AM" or "I HAVE" is where the energy is. "I AM becoming MORE RAW!" is the appropriate way to express one's desire...and have it fulfilled!

"Vicky is becoming MORE RAW!" Yay!!!

And, with her new positive outlook and our new empowered affirming vocabulary, Vicky left the class feeling more confident in her abilities to manifest positive outcomes in her diet and in her life.

And so did I!

We left hugging and telling each other how great we both are, because WE ARE! How wonderful!

_ _ _ _

It was a really good class. Same time next week!

SECRET FRIDAYS at Arnold's Way
319 W. Main Street
Lansdale, PA 19446
Friday Eves, 7-8p.m.

_ _ _ _

I ate raw all day Thursday, except for when i got home on thursday night, I had a cooked compulsive series of 3 snacks. This was unplanned.

Feeling badly about it, i remembered what Williamson teaches, and realized there was really no need to beat myself up about it. God would take care of it. I just needed to let go of the fear, and trust and let him do his work. I will fall. But He will pick me up and show me a better way.

That night when i fell asleep on the couch, near the kitchen, I knew Cliff was sleeping upstairs and that i could go on a binge if i wanted to, you know, to really rub it in, punish myself good and mean for what i had just eaten illegally.

But i decided NOT to. Instead, i forgave myself and fell asleep.

_ _ _

It turned out to be an interesting experience and made me question the value of fish (2 of the compulsive snacks I ran to) and raw cheese (the 3rd compulsive snack) in my life.

Williamson says on her Meditation CD that we should pray to God about every food we eat and ask Him if it's BEST for us. She reminds us, however, that in her wisdom, processed chemically laden food is not good for us, as are foods that are very calorically high for a small portion.

Something about what she said made me think twice about fatty salmon (my favorite fish and a binge food) and raw cheese (also a binge food). I have eaten these foods in moderation, but it takes much focus.

Will I give them up? Won't I? I'm going to take my time. I'm just thinking about these foods, considering them before God's throne, asking him what He thinks is best. I'll wait for the conviction to know what to do, as Marianne promises.

She says, "Someday, you just won't WANT them anymore."

_ _ _

So, Friday, I was ALL DAY raw. No cooked snack at night. I chose to have an apple before bed when i was hungry, instead of anything cooked. It felt good to follow through on my plan to eat raw all day.

Overall, I feel good about these 2 days raw, or mostly raw!!!

On Friday, i even felt a little energetic and took so many bowel movements. Something was really cleaning me out and moving! This was encouraging!

_ _ _

Something occured to me as Vicky and I were discussing our difficulty with deciding on HOW to go raw. We discussed that we both have so much conflicting information in our heads, and also, so much experience with raw, that we admitted MUCH FEAR was keeping us from going raw again! For instance, I'm afraid to do 811 again even though i acknowledge i had better energy and quick weight loss, because i don't want to lose my hair again. (Since i've been eating cooked, it's not falling out like it was, and you can't see through the top of my head as much). And Vicky's afraid going raw again will interfere with her meds that she needs to be on.

Fear. Fear. Fear. Our discussion revealed that we're concerned we need to do raw "perfectly," strictly, like a pro, stop eating at 2pm like Tanya Zavasta, or eat no fat or salt or a million other "shoulds" running around in our heads, and that we don't know which plan to follow and that we're both waiting for the ball to drop, but we're AFRAID.

_ _ _

So, it occured to me - when i first went raw, i knew nothing about the controversy over the value of fruit, is it good for you or does it exacerbate cancer?, or vegetables, do we need fibrous veggies or do we turn from them because they contain no glucose?, or the difference between fruitarian or gourmet or is it okay to eat nuts or don't eat nuts or salt or salt free or spices or spice free or food combining or gourmet anything goes or raw vinegar being okay or does it kill enzymes or juicing vs. no juicing "the apes don't juice!" or superfoods like goji and maca and cacao being incredibly healing or incredibly destructive. A person can go CRAZY listening to all of the controversy. And it can halt a desire to go raw simply because of confusion. Calgon, take me away!

When i first went raw, I knew nothing of all of the conflicting viewpoints and controversy concerning raw....AND I WAS BETTER FOR IT!!!

All i knew, OR, rather, BELIEVED...was that raw would take away my binge eating and make me lose weight. And for the 8 months I was at OHI, it did!

_ _ _

Maybe, ...., maybe, i started thinking, maybe it's how we THINK and FEEL about RAW, ala the Secret, that is the MOST important thing. If we BELIEVE it will work, we will manifest that it WILL! If we believe it won't work, it probably won't!

Maybe, just maybe, it worked for me......BECAUSE i believed it would. (Like the medicine vs. the Placebo. Both are effective because you BELIEVE the placebo is working.)

_ _ _

When i was at OHI, I ate gourmet raw meals not knowing what i was doing, gourmet shmormay, it was just "raw," all the while believing i was doing something GOOD for myself! I left the raw restaurants on cloud nine! "You mean, i can eat decadently, and STILL lose weight?" I was incredulous! I ate chocolates and guacamole and always a soup and flax crackers and a raw entree on every visit, and ALWAYS a slice of pie afterwards! And i savored and ENJOYED and loved every minute. And i lost weight. Alot of weight. Because I BELIEVED i would!

Exercise played a big part. I WANTED to walk, move, I was full of energy!

_ _ _

I often think of Dustin and Meredith and how the 300 lb Dustin decided he weighed 150 lbs less one day, and he kept telling himself that, over and over again, day after day. One day, he discovered raw. He went with it! Dustin ate the most incredible gourmet (his wife's) ( the entire time! Not even a FEW times a week like I did, but every day! Soon, he manifested his desire for thinness. His beliefs led his a miraculous outcome...thinness. You should see this hottie now! You would NEVER believe he was formerly a heavy person. NEVER!

It worked for him, because he decided it would. He trusted.

_ _ _

Just like i did when it worked for me.

Before I "knew" so much and became so jaded.

I didn't know too many nuts were bad for me, that garlic and salt are irritants, that oil clogs up your system. All i knew was, raw was heaven, my answer, my savior.

_ _ _

So, yesterday, something kind of overcame me at Arnolds and I decided to go back to believing that ALL raw foods were GOOD and HEALING for me, no matter how salty, how fatty.

It felt liberating, and many times throughout the day, i felt like my OLD thinner raw self. I even carried myself differently. I felt LIGHTER. I felt like the old me.

When i caught myself in the mirror in the bathroom, i was dissappointed to see the 'me of today' looking back, but the harder i looked, the more it looked like my old face peeking through the pudge face. Hello, me! It's so good to see you! And the longer I looked...I looked and FELT thinner!

_ _ _

Now, i do admit, i routinely OVERDO it on raw food at Arnold's Way. I eat liberally between meals and snack all day. I would like it if i ate meals and snacks in a more controlled and organized fashion. There is much work that needs to be done in this area. I have a desire to take my Meditation CD to work with me next to help influence me to eat more wisely there and less impulsively.

And, i note, I am mostly attracted to salty nut pates and raw bread. I go to the heavy stuff.

[I acknowledge I can reprogram that pattern.]

_ _ _

And I usually have just come off of being salt free, so i blow up from the sodium and feel pretty bad physically at work. But since i've decided to be liberal and accepting of sodium, i never did blow up yesterday, i actually urinated a few times, and what was really shocking, was i went number two about 7 times.

Was that because of my new mindset?

The fact that i eliminated so much....felt....ENCOURAGING, as if RAW was WORKING for me, again, instead of working AGAINST me.

Wow. That felt NEW.

_ _ _

Reminders from Angela Stokes book on weight loss repeated over and over again in my mind. She said, "Make sure you eat a lot of nuts." Eating a lot of nuts worked for her, obviously, in the beginning. And i never turned nuts down when i went to the gourmet raw places a few times a week and still managed to lose 140 lbs.

Since i've been OFF of raw for well over a year, maybe eating the heavy actually HEALING!!! Maybe eating nuts IS BETTER than fish????

I know my dear friends Megan and Joey would agree. The poor animals....

_ _ _

All i know is, something clicked in me after the class and our discussion, and i bought a nut pate to bring home and some kelp noodles.

This was my first raw gourmet purchase in a LONG, LONG, LONG time. And it felt refreshingly new and I delighted in the desire and follow through!

_ _ _

In listening to Marriane Williamson's Weightloss Meditation CD, she talks about eating nuts and seeds and veggies and fruits as all God's healthy and unprocessed bountiful food. (I wonder if she's a raw foodist!) Hearing this on the CD repeatedly has REALLY gotten the wheels turning towards THINKING about raw again. Wow. Who woulda thunk it.

_ _ _

And i think back to how i used to feel (not to mention the tremendous benefit, weight loss, I experienced). And i realized that i used to have surges of energy as a raw foodist. I felt them strongly at work in the mornings as a raw chef. I used to feel like i wanted to jump out of my skin i had so much energy! I have not had this feeling for quite some time - BUT i felt, ever so slightly, on Friday, the return of a teensy tiny energy surge, and that was really a huge event for me! I'd been asking God to show me which diet (fish and quinoa, etc...) or raw (at work) makes me feel better.

And the 7 b.m.s also told me something was moving. Literally!

_ _ _

Was raw REALLY better for me?
Marianne Williamson has us praying to God and relying on HIM for the answer and direction. So, i notice, i write, I pray, I wait, I trust in the process, for today. I notice my habitual thoughts of food, but I don't grab for it this morning, I turn the CD on instead and a sadness, a mourning wells up in me. I notice my desires for food and how i automatically want to 'do' what i 'think' about. I think about 'cooked,' and i want to eat cooked. Consequently, i think about raw and i want to eat raw. We are what we think. I acknowledge that I am powerless over food and that only God can heal me and direct me. The Secret says I am the creator of my own reality, but I acknowledge that it will only turn out good if I allow God to lead me. So, what do i want? I want health and healing. So, I put on the CD, i write, i read the Williamson book, I work it, I have gratitude for the new experiences I've been having with raw, positive and negative experiences with raw, and with cooked, and with exercise, with my mindset, with my class.

And, I await my perfect diet and my perfect body. I trust and know that I am in the process of healing.

Amen. And Hallelujah.

xoxo michelle joy

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