I sang Lady Macbeth in Verdi's MACBETH last Sunday! I was SO nervous!!! But it was so fun. I wish i could sing it WEEKLY! Cliff and my best girlfriend who know my voice well said I never sounded better, yay! My new lessons with Dolores, though they are VERY challening to apply, seem to be working alrighty. I finally let go for my last aria and felt like a soaring bird! And I sang a public high Dflat. First time EVER! Plus, I usually suffer from hoarseness after singing, and was not hoarse at all afterwards, so something in the way i'm using my body/instrument now is much more functional. Success!
ARNOLD'S WAY UPDATE
I worked at Arnold's Way Raw Vegetarian Cafe and Education Center (in Lansdale, PA) yesterday where i am a raw chef, and ended up making lots of yummy things, but one in particular came out special! I created a fabulous sweet treat made with a triple serving of raw chocolate, highlighted with cayenne and cinnamon, blended together with cashew, dates and coconut and rolled into a ball, coated in ground cashew with maca and cacao nibs. Yum! These i named BUZZ BALLS for the caffeine buzz you get from the raw chocolate, the heat buzz in your mouth you get from the cayenne and cinnamon, and the crotch buzz you get from the maca!! Maca is supposed to be great for the sex drive. I hope they turned out good....and that the BUZZ is effective! Go get some today at ARnold's WAy and let me know if they are yummy!
I also made raw hummus, spicy chedder cheeze and a delish sauce I've been making for some time we call Thai Sauce. Thai sauce is a thick cashew based dressing/sauce, flavored with ginger, garlic, nama shoyu, agave and raw vinegar. There are a variety of different flavorings you can add to this sauce. To make it super duper authentic, add lemongrass, lime, coconut and cilantro, to make it really taste Thai-flavored! There are lots of variations in between. But mostly at the store, we just leave it simple with the ginger and garlic, and it's a huge hit and a GREAT sauce for zucchini pasta, salads, ontop of raw bread, for dipping veggies, for just about anything. Spread it all over your lover and lick it off!
MORNING THOUGHTS ON THE SECRET...
What I prepared for my SECRET class last night really impacted me. I awoke thinking about it. I made a worksheet last night that read the following 5x:
"If ______________ would change, I would be happy."
I wrote the sentence 5x for the worksheet. I could have written it 100x. It's so easy to say, "If only HE would change, i'd be happy."
We do so much finger pointing in our lives. If only THIS would change, i'd be happy. If only THAT would change i'd be happy.
The SECRET teaches that it's really OUR attitude toward a PERSON or THING that can make all of the difference.
The SECRET teaches that POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS can really help. They are very powerful, and if you give them a chance and work them, they will work for you.
An example at hand - Cliff and I had been fighting and on the outs for days. I've been doing my fair share of finger pointing to be sure. This morning i woke up, after making those worksheets up, with a new attitude. I said THIS to myself, instead,
"Cliff is the most loving man on the face of the earth."
FORGET YOUR TROUBLES COME ON GET HAPPY
Last week, we had studied in the SECRET class that negative THOUGHTs as well as NEGATIVE EMOTIONS impact the shape of our lives. If we walk around feeling shitty all of the time about our life, we'll attract more shitty circumstances in our lives, and if we dwell on the shitty stuff and keep thinking and talking about it, we keep attracting it even more so.
So for this week, i wrote up a reminder sheet from what we studied on the SECRET DVD last week, with the reminder to feel HAPPY to attract good things. Yada yada yada.
I got thinking. People who turn to the SECRET, like MOI, are often not adept at making themselves happy. Do we really know HOW? Do I really know HOW to make myself FEEL happy? Obviously i don't. Alot of things I do are in an ATTEMPT to FEEL HAPPY, but they actually end up backfiring because they are dysfunctional, like binge eating, overeating, overshopping, watching too much TV, not cleaning up the house. All of those activities pretty much make up the bulk of my life. SAdly enough....!!!
So how does it work - If I mistakenly focus and think about FOOD and how much PLEASURE and HAPPINESS it will bring me, and then FEEL HAPPY just thinking about it, well, first of all, soon I'll be at the Burger King Drive- Through because i really AM manifesting my internal reality and making my DREAMS come true. But, secondly, am I REALLY going to FEEL HAPPY.....in the LONG RUN? BAsically, all of these years i HAVE been working the SECRET. Only in the negative!
So, what REALLY makes me FEEL HAPPY? Exercise makes me feel good and happy. Eating well and healthfully does, too. Looking good does.
But, wait a second. Exercise takes WORK. A common complaint is, "I don't FEEL like it!"
Yup, there we are thinking negatively again.
Working the SECRET takes enormous incredible amounts of DISCIPLINE.
As does EXERCISE.
And EATING WELL.
No wonder we'd rather turn on the TV. Or stick our head in the fridge. It's FASTER. EASIER. IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION.
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You know what we need besides a Lobotomy? We need to S L O W D O W N our thoughts, impulses, actions. Pick apart our thinking. Question EVERYthing we normally tell ourselves will make us FEEL better. Will that bag of cookies really make me feel better...???? I don't think so. Not when i REALLY think about it.
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Working the SECRET takes WORK and EFFORT and PERSISTENCE, constantly. As does EXERCISE and EATING WELL. But they are the only things that will REALLY make us happy.
The SECRET is just like any religion. You gotta WORK IT for it to WORK. And the same goes for EXERCISE and EATING WELL. You gotta work it for it to work. Dreaming of thinness is nice and maybe even positive, but at some point, you gotta put the pedal to the medal, and actually ACT on that inspiration. Do something positive. You have to think...'What would REALLY make me HAPPY, REALLY make me FEEL HAPPY and think HAPPY thoughts about myself?"... Going to the GYM? Going SWIMMING? Taking a WALK? STretching? EATING LIGHTER? GETTING AWAY to a RETREAT? And then DO those things. Snap to it! Take a chance! Break out of the convention, the rut, the sadsack routine. Start fresh, now!
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I woke up this morning craving 2 toasted bagels with butter, but after mulling all of this over, I'm glad to say I chose something that was much healthier and much more beneficial to me.
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I also woke up sore and stiff because i've missed YOGA for the last 2 weeks.
It takes a little EFFORT to get to my YOGA class, but it makes me feel good. And i miss it now. I'm really stiff!
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When it all comes down to it, we have to BELIEVE we are worth FEELING GOOD and HAPPY. Sometimes i just feel like shit for days on end, and eat delicious bad shit, lounge around watching TV, titilating myself with wedding makeover shows, eating nonstop. Ultimately, all of this fun feel good time leaves me feeling depressed and discouraged. I'm TRYING to make myself HAPPY...only in the WRONG way. Gotta SLOW down and ask myself what will REALLY make me feel happy and feel better.
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So, whattaya say, folks, let's stop punishing ourselves today for being bad. MOVE ON!
Let's FORGIVE ourselves today and focus on the new day with it's myriad of new opportunities, like the OPTIMIST CREED says.
Let's focus on HEALTH and PROSPERITY and not on illness and debt and every little thing that's WRONG with us. Let's focus on what's RIGHT!
Let's focus on what will make our bodies FEEL good ultimately (even though it hurts when you start) like EXERCISE!
Let's focus on REALLY feeling GRATITUDE for EVERY little thing, and willing ourselves to FEEL and THINK happy thoughts. You can do this if you really FOCUS!
When we feel badly, we know we're off track in our thinking or feeling lives.
Whattaya do? Identity what's going on. Ask yourself, "Why do i feel so shitty?" Are you mad at something someone said? Are you mad at yourself for something you did? Acknowledge it. Address it if need be. And, LET IT GO.
How is feeling shitty serving you?
Well, for one, it's easy. It keeps you SAFE, keeps you HIDDEN, keeps you from getting HURT. You're a little turtle in it's shell. So am i. Hello, turtle friend! Time to peek your head out of that shell and go LIVE!
Test yourself a little. There's more to you and you're tougher than you think. Challenge yourself. Pick yourself back up after you fall.
Play pleasurable music today. Talk a walk. Smell the flowers. Smile to everyone you meet. Notice the good in everyone you come in contact with today. Tell yourself positive AFFIRMATIONS about yourself and the people you come into contact with.
Make it a TRULY happy day! Not a cheeseburger and frenchfries happy day, but a heart and mind and soul happy day.
* Food only gives us the ILLUSION of happiness *
Lately I've been watching the A&E programs on hoarding, and animal hoarding. Collecting things and animals gives the illusion of happiness, prosperity, abundance, love, comfort, acceptance.
I so relate. FOOD does the same thing for me, for us foodies. It makes us FEEL (temporarily) GOOD, full of PLEASURE, HAPPY FEELINGS, just like everyone else!, JOVIAL, HAPPY sensations, EXCITEMENT (stolen or illegal food), ADVENTURE (new flavors), ADVENTURE going out to purchase food, WARMTH and LOVE being accepted by the food (food never REJECTS us), SOLACE (food is ALWAYS there for us), COMFORT (food hugs us when we need it and never says NO). Food is our lover, our comforter, our friend. Physiologically, it has an effect on us like OPIUM or HEROIN. Too much of a good thing and we are numbed OUT, baby!
It's all a lie. An ugly lie. The animal poop and pee blanketing animal hoarders houses, the piles of trash in the hoarders house, the piles of fat on us. All of it stops us from living a social life. We're not loved and comforted by our food. Our food is killing us. Now, we can't go out, "I'm too fat," "My feet hurt," or "I have to feed the cats." We can't have people in. It's too shameful and messy, or we are. Just as the piles of junk piled up in hoarders houses keeps people away, the fat we've piled up on ourselves keeps us stuck, keeps on relying solely on ourselves, we become more and more disconnected from the world, from the best parts of ourselves. But, we never have to be hurt by people again. I'll take care of it by myself! I can't rely on YOU. Just gimme a cheeseburger. Or another cat. Or another bag of Barbi dolls for the collection. It's like ALL the same thing.
What are we really afraid of?
Sometimes i think i'm afraid to show the world that i'm really a peice of crap, that that's all there is inside, just crap and shame and ugliness and defeat and dysfunction and failure and inadequacy and insecurity and weakness and inability.
And then i sing Lady Macbeth like a frickin' professional. And i say, 'Wait a second, i'm fucking special! And i'm sick of thinking bad things about me! I'm fucking fabulous and the whole world better know it!'
And then i get pissed off at something someone doesn't do for me like tell me enough how wonderful i am and I forget i'm fabulous and eat a bag of cookies. The next thing i know it's three days later and i've been laying in bed watching TV and binge eating and sinking to the utter depths of despair and hopelessness from one stupid neglect from someone i love.
And then i study the SECRET again and i wake up from my temporary amnesia and i realize that i really am WORTH it. And i have to forgive myself for the shit i consumed over the last 3 days and all the more weight i gained. I have to make it a new day and start afresh. I gotta believe in me. Take the bull by the horns. Come on, girl, get ON THE BALL! Seize the DAY! I gotta turn it around.
I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DIRECTION OF MY LIFE AND OF MY DAYS.
I'm worth it.
You're worth it.
I won't give up on me. So, you don't give up on YOU.
OUR GREATEST FEAR
but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.