UPS and DOWNS

Hi there,

How're you all doing?

I'm hangin' in! Megan and I were talking about energy. My energy is pretty good....not great by any means. Not like it was on raw. On raw, i had more energy, but i'm also heavier than i was on raw. I'm thinking about how i feel at work or at the end of the day, and i do feel tired at the end of the day, and sometimes I feel midday slumps that i used to not get on raw. But overall, i'm feeling pretty good, no real complaints.

I gained a little over a pound today. It's interesting because Megan and I were just talking about me weighing myself daily. Gaining weight is no fun, but it's interesting feedback. What does it mean? I don't think i did anything particularly differently yesterday than i have been, but maybe i did? I'm trying to not freak out, just be curious. Some days i eat so much and lose 2 lbs. The day i lost two pounds, i ate oatmeal the night before. Go figure. This is certainly a journey!!

It must be water weight. I did eat those tofu dogs and mustard yesterday. Maybe i had a lot of sodium without realizing it? Also i had some of that vegan butter AND nayonaise and a little tofutti cream cheese all in one day, so maybe too much fat??? And bread twice. THAT could be it.

Interesting to look and notice. Just to see what happens.

I can't imagine calorically, i ate over 3500 cals, which is what they say will gain you a pound. It's probably just water weight.

The reason they say NOT to weigh yourself daily is that everyone has daily fluxuations and it can discourage you. I get that, but it's actually good in a way to write what i eat down and track my weight so that i can then SEE what i eat on days it goes up. Maybe i'll find a pattern?

As long as i don't get nuts in the head about weighing daily, we're not making an issue of it.

I'm so grateful for Megan's support. You have NO IDEA how much i appreciate her. I wish i could give her a big hug!!! Just knowing she's there means so much.

Anyway, honestly, the most important thing to me right now, honest to goodness, is that i'm on a PLAN...and NOT binge eating. Binge eating is my WORST problem, even above obesity. I'm just so grateful to be eating relatively healthy low fat meals and fruit snacks and not to be out of control anymore. You have no idea just how good THAT feels. Taking back CONTROL feels so empowering!!!

I'm certain i'll continue to lose slowly. I don't see how i could not. Even if i lost 1 lb a week, that's over 50 lbs by next year and 50 lbs the next. In one or two years, i'll be 100 lbs down and weighing 220-ish. In three years, i will weigh 170. Can you imagine??? Who cares how long it takes, if i just stick with a PLAN like i'm doing, and exercise, it's going to happen... Isn't it???

Or am i deluding myself?

Am i really gaining because i'm eating too much?

Well, there's plenty of time to sort it all out and figure it out. I can always make adjustments.

Overall, I've COMPLETELY and RADICALLY switched my perspective from short term crazy dieting to a LIFESTYLE that i can maintain without binge eating. That is A#1 in my book.

Thursday i'll eat raw all day again when I work at Arnolds WAy. At least i'm eating raw 1 day a week! It's a beginning.

I'm kind of happy doing this with the cooked - 2 cooked meals a day. You know, I really NEEDED this transition. To have been raw for so long, and then to have gone off for about a year, it felt impossible to just get back on. And i didn't even really WANT to. Is that a horrible confession? People usually turn to raw for big time health issues or energy reasons or for spiritual reasons. I turned to raw to stop binge eating. Raw didn't really STOP binge eating. I binged my heart out on raw gourmet CHRONICALLY. So, to be eating the food that i mistakenly thought MADE ME BINGE...and seeing that IT DOESN'T feels like SERIOUSLY IMPORTANT WORK. After I get rid of the binge eating, i can address the raw issue to a greater extent. I'm eating more raw today than most normal folks. Lots of fruit and smoothies.

I'm really enjoying all of the variety. And enjoying not being compulsive about it. I have a wonderful feeling of "ABUNDANCE". I feel SAFE and pleasantly content with all of the choices available to me. This is a wonderful feeling from someone who felt she couldn't trust herself with food, that food was the enemy.

I found some whole wheat tortillas in the cabinet yesterday that i bought last week. I'd forgotten about them. Since when do i forget about FOOD???? I'm not compulsive AT ALL! I used to feel like bread was evil and "bad" and that i was addicted to it, and i would eat the entire loaf telling myself, "You see? You see? You can't handle bread! No more bread for you! You're a bread addict." And then i'd be binge eating on bread for WEEKS, months until i banned it again, but i'd always run back, scarfing down loaves and loaves piled in butter.

To be free of all of that? What a gift.

Anyway, Megan is my little secret weapon! Thanks for being my friend, Megan!!!!! So close but so far, out there in AZ!!! Megan moved out to AZ to be with Joey on a 6-month videography job. She's out there writing her next raw book. Way to go, girl! Megan's website: www.meganelizabeth.com

So, the consensus is that I AM doing good. I feel good about how i'm doing. Megan seems to be happy for me. I spoke with Jan today and she's happy for me. All of the raw people who read this are probably disgusted. OH WELL! SORRY!!!

I think i'll just stay on this track for now and continue to see what kind of progress i make. I told Megan, "We can always re-evaluate, depending on how things go, you know?!!! I mean, if i continue to gain or stop losing completely...we'll re-evaluate. For now, i'm going to see where this leads!"

FOOD ACTIVITY Tuesday, Nov 16, 2010
Br: Banana Spinach Agave Smoothie, 3 glasses

Ln:
2 baked potatoes with ketchup and 1 tsp of vegan butter
bowl of homemade squash vegetable soup
2 tofu pups cut up in it

Dinner:
1 bowl homemade squash soup
Extra vegetables added in it
1 small sandwhich wrap
-1 med whole wheat wrap
- mustard
- 4 slices soy turkey
- 1 slice rice cheese
- lettuce, onion, tomato
cherry pineapple "sorbet" - 1/2 frozen banana, frozen bing cherries, frozen chunks fresh pineapple, agave

Sn: TBD

xoxo michelle