Saturday, October 30, 2010
THE ROSE - DORINDA RUMBOLD, MOSTLY RAW, 38 LBS LEANER, AND WORKING THROUGH AN EATING DISORDER
I wrote about Dorinda Rumbold a few weeks ago and received several responses from people interested in her journey and wanting to hear more about the journey she's been on with muscle testing, weight loss, and working through bulimia.
Since Dorinda began visiting her muscle testing practitioner, I have seen her blossom before my eyes and transform, losing about 38 lbs on a mostly raw diet, and carrying herself with a new confidence, happiness and self assurance.
I asked her to do an interview for us.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
M: Hey, Dorinda, thanks so much for agreeing to share your story with us. Since we’ve been working together at Arnold’s Way, you’ve shared a lot of intimate details with me about your struggles in life, and your difficult past, which you’ve said has been filled with a tremendous amount of abuse, which led to eating disorders of anorexia, bulimia, compulsive eating, and a struggle with alcohol. I’m sorry to hit you right off the bat with the painful stuff, but can you talk about the abuses you’ve suffered? We’ll get into your diet after that…
D: Sure. Well, I grew up until I was 5 years old with my grandparents. My biological father, who I call my BF, was an alcoholic and took off after trying to kill me, and after he realized he could not have custody of me.
My mother remarried when I was 5.
There were a lot of good times and some bad times. My mom was a young mother, had me at 18, and during the 60's, it was a time to look after yourself, a very self indulgent age. However, I am certain she did the best she could with what she had at the time.
What I can remember of childhood was that food was a comfort for good times and bad times. If you were sad, sick or just plain unhappy, Mom-mom always had a cookie to make things better.
Happy hour was also huge at the farm where I grew up with my grandparents, and I did partake in alcohol from the young age of 3. Some people thought it was cute. Again, it was a different time.
Through my early teens, my mother and I did not get along. There was emotional abuse. However, again, it was all she knew.
During that time, a close friend of my parents befriended me and gained my trust, which I did not have for my mother (which is a long story and one that I have forgiven her for). Please know that this predator took a year or maybe more. I don't have my diary any more as I trashed it years ago, unfortunately. He began to sexually abuse me, and it lasted until after I graduated from High School until I confided in a friend, my parents’ age, who I babysat for. She and her husband made sure that he never hurt me again. I never told anyone else, not my parents, or friends. No one knew.
In my 30's and again in my 40's, I opened up to telling more people, including a letter to my parents.
M: It is common for women with eating disorders to have suffered sexual abuse. I have. Anyway, go on.
D: Well, during the time I was being abused, I began to be very emotional and difficult to deal with, so my mom felt that it was my need to meet my BF. So for my 17th birthday, I met him for the first time. Also, during this time, I began my rollercoaster of anorexia and bulimia eating disorders, which escalated with more drama. Forced eatings, people going to the bathroom with me, screaming and yelling that I am making mother look bad... blah blah blah... I felt like I lived in hell.
Then one traumatic Sunday afternoon, I came home late from a lunch date with my BF. This was before cell phones, and my mother screamed at me, “Where were you? What were you doing all this time!!!!?” God, I felt like I had been on a date with a boyfriend or something. I could not figure out why she was so mad. I kept asking her, “Why?” She ignored me all day. Then finally, she blurted out that my BF had raped his sister. My stomach dropped. I was already during this time being raped by her friend. Now I had to worry about this man who brought me into this world. Of course, I was mean and distant with him after that, and our relationship would never be the same. He died when I was in my 30's - another story…
My early 20's brought on heavy drinking, either starving myself or binging & purging (purging is a nice word for puking), and a short time of drug abuse, which only lasted two years due to an overdose. I was too embarrassed to call 911, so I promised God that if He allowed me to live through the night, I would never touch drugs again. I should have included alcohol in that prayer. I now wish I had.
I was married during this time, about the age of 22, to a wonderful man, but we both had our baggage. He divorced me when I was 30 years old and we still remain friends. If it had not been for his care and friendship, I don't think I would have lived through that time.
It was a big mistake, but I moved back home at the age of 30. Please don't get me wrong, my parents are very good people, just very controlling and only see the world through their eyes. If it is not their way of doing things... it is the wrong way!!!!!!
M: That sounds exactly like my parents. I wonder if it is typical of women who struggle with food to have come from overly controlling parents. Mine are! And they are so inflexible, just like you said, “if it is not their way of doing things, it is the wrong way!” I so relate!
D: I would say that I was pretty anorexic during those years, as well as obsessed with exercise and work.
I married my current husband, Andy, a few years later, and I felt at first my life coming together, but things quickly unraveled and my obsessive behavior with food was back with a vengeance. We moved into my parents’ home for two very difficult years as we paid down debt and saved for our current home. It was a very bad choice, but at the time, I felt like it was our only choice to live with my parents. Issues between Andy & I were made worse by my parents’ involvement. The one bright spot was that I did get to see my grandparents every morning and I will cherish that forever.
Once Andy and I bought our home in Perkasie, all seemed well. We were out of debt (other than our home...LOL) and things between us seemed good.
Then we, or I must confess, my husband (though I never spoke up to him about this) decided we wanted a baby, so I went through all the awful testing, shots, etc… The stress was too much for me and weight just piled on. Then I had just had it, enough was enough, and my husband agreed. A month later, I got pregnant, only I had no clue. I began to hemorrhage. I thought I was dying never thinking that I was losing the baby. It was the most terrifying and emotionally devastating thing I have lived through.
Now at 5'1,” I weighed 170lbs and I hated myself, hated my family.... hated everything. My bulimia came back with a force that almost destroyed me. I was numb, hateful & just plain out of hope.
I know I talked more about the emotional, and less about weight, etc... The next part is when I couldn't walk due to bursitis, and then I began the raw food stuff.
M: Thank you so much for sharing all of this with us, Dorinda. You've suffered through a lot of pain. I’m glad you could share it with us and that you're overcoming it all. It does seem ridiculous always to focus on the food and the weight and to not look back at our history, at our upbringing, at the abuses and pains and hurts we’ve endured, and not say, ‘What got me here, to this place, where I do these things to myself?’ You’ve been through a lot, but something tells me it was not all for naught. Have you heard the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?” You’re a very strong, capable woman, more than you realize. I really admire you. And we’ve talked about your amazing nurturing, healing qualities. I see a future for you in helping others move through their abusive pasts, their eating disorders and addictions.
So, let’s move on. So, what finally brought you to raw? You mentioned bursitis?
D: Ok, so I tried to lose weight, I tried boot camp, the gym, and I ended not losing anything and gaining bursitis. I had bursitis in both hips and it was so painful that I could not walk or get out of the car or up from a sitting position without pain and looking like an old lady.
So I had read that the raw food lifestyle might help heal bursitis, and since an ineffective cortisone shot was all the doctor could offer me, I decided to try it. January 1st, 2009 was Day 1 of going raw. By mid March, I was cured of bursitis as well as warts & any illness at all. Others were still getting colds & flu’s around me, but I wasn't.
I lost a few pounds, but not a lot, however I felt great and, so, I just enjoyed that. I was only 70% raw at this time.
I met Arnold from Arnold's way in April and decided by August to take it up a notch and go more raw.
It was at this time that a red rash beamed around my lips. (As Michelle puts it, I looked like ‘Bozzo, the clown’).
M: Dorinda, you’re such a beautiful girl, but it really was that bad. Your lips were swollen and had a bright red 1 inch ring around them like the red crayon Bozo wears. What was so extraordinary was the grace with which you carried yourself during this time. This big red rash around your lips lasted for many, many weeks and you just went on, working, smiling, laughing, making the best of it. I really admired how you handled this. And when your lips finally cleared? My god, we could finally see this beautiful lady in front of us! But, it must have been a very big hardship, and frightening, since it was happening from raw…
D: It was unsightly and it hurt. The more raw I went, the worse it got! However, I slowly did shed more and more weight, and besides the lips and a few personal problems with family, life was good.
M: How did you come to the muscle testing guy? Were you seeking help for your eating disorder or weight or was it for the lips?
D: I was at the end of my rope with the lips when a regular at Arnold's suggested that I call her friend who had them SAME issue. So I did. And she referred me to Ian Kennedy, who is the head clinician at True Wellness in Montgomeryville, Pa. He does European Biological Therapy. Some call it muscle testing, or quantum neurology, let’s call it muscle testing.
So he began to ask my body questions. My mind/brain sometimes didn't know the answer, but the body did.
He tested me for different foods to see if they made my body “weak” or “strong,” and it turns out that I was allergic to tomatoes and bananas, a raw foodist’s nightmare! I stopped eating them. But, then, somehow someway, through the muscle testing, he helped my body clear that allergy and I can now once again enjoy those foods as long as I don't overdo it.
Although I have cleared myself of those allergies, and the ring around my lips left, hallelujah!, I still go to True Wellness once a month (or more if needed).
And I am currently working on emotional issues as I have a few, to say the least. I am learning not to blame or hold anger against those who have hurt me in the past, nor to expect anything from others in the future, such as an apology or a change in behavior.
M: This is profound.
D: Instead of holding onto blame and anger and hurt and expectations, I am really embracing who I am BECAUSE of what I have gone through, and some days, it is all good. And other days it is not. Life is really a journey.
M: You’re doing great. You mentioned bad days. What do you do to help yourself on “bad” days?
D: I still struggle with food when those days are rough. But I try going for a walk, petting my doggies, meditation, devotions, or calling a friend. The best thing is to talk through it even if you are alone, because you really aren't ever alone, you are always loved by someone.
M: That is nicely said.
Hey, so talk to me about the diet a bit over the last few months and about the weight loss.
D: I eat 80% raw, and 90-95% vegan. I was not doing well before the muscle testing, but things just cleared and I was able to do well.
My downfalls are pork (as it reminds me of my Poppop! ) and occasionally cheese, but I do get sick after eating that, so that is very seldom that I cheat on that, but it does happen once in a great while. My other cheats are corn chips, and this week, pretzels! (Don't know why!)
M: Do you exercise?
D: After breakfast, I usually take a walk. I walk the dogs and/or go to yoga.
M: I’d love some details. Can you detail what you've eaten over the past 3 days?
D: For the past 3 days, hmmm…, breakfast is piece of fruit, like an apple or a mango, or Kombucha, or a green smoothie. I always have a light breakfast. Snack may be some greens. Lunch is usually a lot of water. Or if I’m at Arnolds Way, some smoothie leftovers. Dinner has been steamed or sauteed veggies from my garden over rice noodles, or a raw rich green soup. I made one Friday and I’m still trying to finish it. Or greens topped with whatever. Snacky stuff would either be greens, dark chocolate covered almonds, and this week, pretzels. I love salty/crunchy.
M: I notice you don’t eat much during the day, just a smoothie maybe and then water, but you eat a dinner and you like to snack. I know you were on Weight Watchers (counting points) eating mostly raw over the last several months. How many points is your target?
D: My target points are 18.
M: That’s not much. You are a little person.
D: But I don't really count points anymore (although being mostly raw it would be easy). I did make lifetime status last week and I will most likely go to a meeting at least once a month. I began WW on May 4th of 2010. (However, this is my third round at WW... LOL)! I went through what they call maintenance for 6 weeks, and then I hit lifetime status.
M: Congratulations, Dorinda. You seem to have a pretty good hold on the weight now.
Did you used to eat more, when you were heavier?
D: When I was heavier, I ate more, but always in the evenings, and that is still my time of eating more than I do the rest of the day. I just don't really get that hungry during the day.
In the past, for breakfast, I might have eaten a bagel, or something from a bakery, but I do not do well with grains, especially processed flour, so I try to stay as gluten free as possible now - more for digestion, and the fact that it is too addicting. Lunch, if I got it, used to be a sandwich, and somewhere along the way, during the week, I would slip up and eat bacon or something else really gross and fatty. Dinner would just be a double meal - one for me and one for my alter ego... LOL! I still tend to eat more at dinner time... It’s usually a quiet lonely time and I guess I tend to fill that void with food. I just try and choose better choices now.
M: How much have you lost?
D: At my peak I was 170 lbs. I am 5'1." When I started WW, I was already down to 155.4 LBS. This morning, when I weighed myself, I was 132, which is comfortable for me.
IF I lose more, GREAT, if not, that is ok. Hey, my clothes fit me. Oh, and I just got rid of all my "FAT" clothes so that there is no way I will go back!!!
M: Bravo! Did the muscle testing also play a part in developing your new way of eating?
D: I think it helped me clear my emotional blockages and gain self worth. Now I make good choices. I am just trying to do as much raw as I can without being militant about it.
I do like some veggies steamed. I just don't like certain veggies raw by themselves, or I should say, it is not my preferred way of eating them.
Also, obviously, the muscle testing helped me to avoid certain foods until I was able to eat them again in small quantities.
M: Does the muscle testing therapist support your raw food diet?
D: Ian is not a raw foodist, and occasionally will ask me my blood type and offer up that I should be eating meat, which is wrong.
M: You sound pretty certain.
D: Meat will turn your blood acidic and that is where disease can pop up. If you have a blood type that needs extra protein, EAT LOTS of GREENS. And if you are like me and will eat a little meat a few times a year, just enjoy it. But don't make it a weekly habit. That is just my advice. Oh, and know where your food/meat has come from. Factory meat is dangerous… Again, just my opinion.
Ian feels that I should eat meat for protein, but I know I can get that from greens. I had digestion issues in the beginning most likely due to chemicals, GMO foods, and bulimia, which rids your body of its natural enzymes. But my digestion is so much better now.
M: How was changing your diet for you?
D: Going raw in the beginning was tough. And it can be for most people, so take it slowly and build up. Both hemorrhoids & the rash around lip area are signs of digestion issues. Digestion begins with the lips and ends up in the anus area!!
So yes, raw agrees with me on so many levels, but I did have to work at it and work through the detox/reactions I experienced. It was worth it because my digestive system was screwed up and needed to be healed, but I’m so much better.
Out of 7 days now, like maybe 3 or 4 meals I’ll eat cooked.
M: Do you still struggle with bulimia?
D: Well, my binge eating is more emotional. Sticking with simple raw, it is very difficult to binge. Actually I don't think I have ever binged on greens apples, etc.
Cooked foods are so much easier to binge on. Crunchy foods are easier for me to binge on.
Last week I started a process of giving up alcohol for 30 days, and my bulimia returned for the first 3 or 4 days. It was tough as I struggled to gain control, but I appear to be over that hump now.
I cherish the day that binge eating and my bulimia will be a thing of the past. As for now, I cherish every day that it is not an issue.
M: You’re working through it. You have a lot on your plate. Be gentle on yourself.
You’ve said you were anorexic, then bulimic, then an an overeater. What was anorexia to you? And what is bulimia and overeating to you?
D: Well, Anorexia and Bulimia are one in the same to me... For me, I had no control over my childhood or things that happened to me. I also had controlling parents. They meant well, but it was tough. So when I would be in an anorexic state, I would control what I would eat. So, water, & maybe 5 small pieces of cerery, I would allow. I would also exercise to burn off those small calories... I would go for two or more hours trying to work off all that fat I ate... LOL! My lowest weight I am aware of was 92 Lbs.
Bulimia has changed for me. I used to eat large amounts of food and then puke and use laxatives. Now, it is maybe just eating a meal I think is not healthy or just over eating a bit, sort of what normal people do, but I am usually stressing about something in my life and so to control that feeling, and numb it, I have on occasion reverted to puking. Sometimes I have to force it, but I must confess that my mind is a powerful thing, and many times I have to run to the bathroom as my body gets rid of everything all on its own.
So I think that all forms of eating disorders numb pain. I think they are all related. And it is a control thing. People think that those who overeat don't have discipline, and I totally disagree with that on so many levels.
Alcohol & drugs numb pain too, and like eating disorders, have a strong foothold on each individual trying to heal. As hard as it is to stay away from alcohol & drugs, it is my opinion that food is far the most difficult thing to grab a hold of because you need it to fuel up every day. So it stares you in the face and your mind tells you, “Hey don't eat an apple. A bag of corn chips will satisfy you and make this uncomfortable feeling you are going through sooooo much easier.”
And so sometimes you rise above the lie and sometimes you buy into the lie...
M: What is a typical binge like for you?
D: Before raw, a typical binge would be pasta, ice cream... things that are easy to get rid of... and don't hurt you coming up...big amounts.
Now, it might just be a meal of stir fry, Chinese, or pasta. Now, it isn't a huge amount of food. More than I should eat, but not several helpings. I don't know why that changed it just did.
I think I spoke with you once that after getting a large french fry from one place, I almost went somewhere else for another... I was tempted….they wouldn't know that I already ate a large fry. I remember feeling like that last year a few times... I think it was when my parents were not speaking to me.
I was out of control and my life was out of my control…a horrible feeling, feeling like your own parents don't love you. Ugh.
M: I suppose if we really look at what’s happening to us during our times of out of control eating, we would see our lives were out of control.
A lot of what you’ve said about eating disorders has been really insightful to me and actually makes sense concerning what I've been going through. My life is sort of out of my control at the moment, staying with my parents to help my mother get better. And I start to eat, and it’s like a ball rolling that doesn’t stop. And I gain and gain. And then I feel bad and it becomes a vicious cycle.
D: I am so sorry you are having this difficult time. I know it’s difficult regardless, but living with your parents? Yikes, that just adds to it. I know!!!
M: When you say that people with eating disorders don't lack discipline, clarify what you mean?
D: Mmm, many moons ago, I read a study that overweight/over eaters & people with eating disorders (which encompasses all of them), who are usually regarded as "being lazy" or undisciplined, are actually very intelligent and high achievers. I, of course, don't remember the rest of the study, but what I got from it is just because of our disorder, it does not mean we lack discipline.
In fact, I think it takes a lot of discipline to either overeat, or not eat or eat and purge... because we have to time everything, it’s this whole masquerade, and at the same time, function in society, work, keep house, hold down jobs, take care of family, pets, hobbies, you name it. It is another thing on our list "to do." I think that whatever our disorder is, we are so disciplined to do "it" that that is why it is so darn hard for us to give up the disorder! So instead of saying “I need to be more disciplined,” I think we need to say, “I need to change my discipline to something more healthy, something that supports me better!”
I guess it just upsets me tremendously that people will say, “Just stop, or don't eat that, or eat something.” When you have an eating disorder, it just ain't all that simple.
M: I’ve been struggling for decades. No, it ain’t easy! But, you’re getting better…
D: Yes, thank God.
It’s been like peeling off the skin of an onion. As you get closer to core, there are lots of tears and it can be painful, but so worth it.
M: Curing oneself of an eating disorder is so much about the emotions, so much about spirituality and learning to be good to oneself, learning to value onesself. But, it can be confusing. How do I practically eat? Do I follow this diet or that, do I do this program or that one?
D: Look, everyone is different and there is no one way, right way....to healing. I just say try everything you can, with one exception – You have to realize that there is no magic pill. It will be work, it might be painful but you can do it and you are worth it.
M: You have to go THROUGH the pain to reach the other side…
Nevertheless, in your experience, does raw help binge eating?
D: Yes I believe so. I do feel stronger, happier and more in control when I am eating mostly raw.
M: It seems like you have a handle on your weight now and that you have found a plan that really works for you that includes a mostly raw diet, mostly vegan dinners, often a raw dinner, and pleasurable snacking, a really nice blend of pleasure and health. It also seems you are also being led through your own strength and ability to cope to allow bulimia and alcohol to fade into the background. This all has such a great benefit on your overall wellbeing.
Where has your newfound control come from?
D: A rose…each week I will purchase one single stem rose to remind me how strong and delicate I am, just like the rose. It will be proudly displayed on my kitchen counter to remind me that I can make wise choices with my food and exercise. I can be caring and loving to myself. That rose will be my reminder until I no longer need it.
Another form of strength and control is my faith in God, and a return to my personal relationship with Him.
M: That is important, the spiritual aspect. And you are a rose, Dorinda, strong and delicate and beautiful!
I remember a time we spoke, you told me about the muscle testing guy asking you how much you value yourself, and when you first started with him, you answered him, “Not even a dollar.” Now, you value yourself at $125/an hour!” What a remarkable change! Why do you now value yourself so much higher than you did?? What have you learned?
D: Growing up, my parents were and still are very critical people. Truth is, if you want to, you can pick anything apart. Anyone put under a microscope isn't going to look too great. That being said, we are all in the same boat. So, what do you want to focus on, your good points or your not so good points? I know my shortcomings, so I try to work on them, but since I have so many great qualities, I try to focus on them. I am a caring, nurturing person who loves to be a part of others’ lives and make the world a more beautiful place. So how can I not value that?
M: Beautifully said!
D: And, sometimes when that little voice in my head starts up with the criticism, I think what I would say to a friend, “NO!!!” So I think loving thoughts, and so, yes, I do value myself much more than I did a year ago. And when you do that, I think you make better choices for yourself.
There is a great song from a band called ‘Sixx A.M.’ called “Accidents Happen.” I can't remember all the words but, it’s something to do with…if you make a mistake and fall off the wagon, “it’s ok, it’s just one day, you haven't thrown it all away.” I love that. So sometimes, I screw up but tomorrow is another day. Start fresh every morning with good goals and make it happen.
M: Thank you for sharing this beautiful message of self forgiveness with us.
Here is a youtube of “Accidents Happen” by Sixx A.M. with the lyrics, which are very moving and uplifting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udMv4fcX2qA
I think this is a beautiful way to end the interview. Thank you so much!!!
D: Thanks Michelle, I hope this helps.
M: I'm so happy and privileged to be witnessing this amazing transformation you’ve gone through over the last year. You are feeling finally the way everyone else feels about you, that you are wonderful and beautiful, and very worthy, and you are!!! I'm so inspired by your success and wish you continued success in your journey!
~ ~ ~
Let me remind you about the wonderful soaps Dorinda makes from recycled biodiesel in her company called, “Wash Tyme.” http://www.washtyme.com/.
I had bought another brand of natural soap, a Hawaiian brand, from Arnolds Way, that was appealingly white and had an intoxicating scent. Well, my skin was so itchy and dry from it. I was suffering! Awful!
With Wash Tyme, I was initially kinda skeptical about the brown color and that it was made from French fry oil or something, but Dorinda explained that it’s not BLEACHED, so I came to accept the color, and after using Wash Tyme, and feeling my skin, I was HOOKED! I LOVE it! When Cliff touches me, or I touch myself, silky soft! Nothing else I use does that. You also don't feel slippery. I hate that. Your skin just feels like cream.
Dorinda's been using her soap for 2 years and her skin, no lie, feels like a baby's tush.
Wash Tyme is available on the website or at Arnolds Way in bar, or liquid soap, which is perfect for laundry or dishes. Liquid Wash Tyme is now available in bulk at Arnolds Way, which is a real money saver. Dorinda can also be found at many local farmers markets selling her very popular soap. She has loyal customers because the stuff is FABULOUS!
xoxo michelle joy
Posted by MICHELLE at FREEDOM FROM BINGING at 7:42 PM