Sunday, April 17, 2011




Breakfast: green smoothie made with 4 small bananas and some green leaf lettuce.

Snack: 1 golden delicious apple, 1 tangerine

Ln: 3/4 of a small dinner sized roll from whole foods, A few Tbsp of a succulent creamy vegetarian chickun salad on it. 1 bite of veggie sushi, some fruity tea

Dn: small salad with spring mix and fresh tomato, 1 tsp raw dressing i made myself. 1 oz raw chedder cheese. About 8 Brad's Raw Chips. 1 medjool date stuffed with 1/2 walnut and a spiral of orange rind.

Early to bed. Tired!

_ _ _

I am doing so incredibly well with my eating, i am drawn to make a list, detailing the new way i eat. I have been eating like this since last Monday, and I feel so happy! My entire LIFE has changed in one week because of this new way of eating. My entire psychology and spirituality has changed. My body has changed. I am transforming! I want to share this with the world. I am losing weight seemingly effortlessly. My clothing is fitting better and my face does not look as huge. I am not currently weighing myself. My weight today is unimportant. My behaviors, however, are what i monitor.

I would best describe the way i am eating today as ON DEMAND & INTUITIVE coupled with RAW WISDOM.

It's really wonderful!! If you are interested in how I am accomplishing CEASING BINGE EATING, LOSING WEIGHT while eating WHAT I WANT, but ALSO WHAT IS GOOD FOR ME, then read on!

1.) I wait for a very profound PHYSIOLOGICAL HUNGER. This arrives as a growling belly, or a low blood sugar faint feeling with no growl (kind of unpleasant when that one happens), or just a very very empty feeling (this one i get most of all).

2.) I let mildly hungry feelings pass (10-50x!) over the course of the day. When i am really hungry, it's time to eat. I am generally eating 3-5x a day. [This method of eating was taught to me by Weigh Down Workshop, which i am exceedingly grateful for, though i no longer follow their plan (READ PREVIOUS BLOG ENTRY "THE TRUTH REVEALED" FOR WHY)]. The goal is weight loss and stopping binge eating. It works!

3.) I start to think about 'What might I want to eat?', but i consider health as well. This is a tricky tightrope walk, but i'm doing very well so far making healthy choices that match SENSUAL IMBIBING PLEASURE DESIRE and HEALTH CONCERNS overall.

4.) For breakfast, i try to always start out the day with fruit or a fruit smoothie. For lunch, i may have raw or cooked. Same for dinner. I try to keep cooked to 1x a day, though i may do more if i really want it. Sometimes i start a meal with fruit or have an all fruit meal like a green smoothie for dinner. Snacks are usually fruit. I usually try to avoid gluten these days. I sometimes do food combining still. I sometimes eat all raw vegan, sometimes vegan, sometimes vegetarian with cheese and eggs, but I try to choose raw cheese if possible. Sometimes i eat fish or seafood if i really want it. (I've not gotten into red meats or poultry in over 4 years, but i have the option.]

5.) I have ACCEPTED the belief that "all foods are made clean by Jesus" (even though i'm Jewish, i really resonate with that teaching taken from the New Testament). I consider further about what i might want to eat. What might taste good, feel good? Am i hungry for raw? Cooked? Cold crunchy? Hot soothing? I trust that something will come to me. Usually if I can't decide, I'm not hungry enough. Sometimes, I'll stick my head in the fridge and take a peak and decide. Sometimes i already know! Sometimes i know when i look at it. When you're really hungry, you usually know what you want. I often want something raw and quick like fruit! Or crunchy like brad's chips! Or crispy like salad greens! Or filling like raw nut pate! Or light like soup! Or crusty like a GREAT peice of bread from whole foods...or succulent like a peice of salmon, etc... Or sometimes I want a combination. A favorite is raw chedder cheese with fresh tomatoes and Brad's raw chips. Another favorite combo is salad with tomato and raw nut pate, no dressing needed! I am learning to trust my instincts, trust my desires, all the while, making choices that jibe with what is healthy and/or pleasurable to me. Sometimes i want fat free or low salt. Sometimes i want that butter on my rye toast. I get to make the choices at the time for myself! I usually keep an eye to low fat and low salt.

6.) After i decide what I want, i set it out in front of me, nicely. If i'm too hungry to do that, i have a little fruit or a fruity drink and then i can deal with the meal. Sometimes i choose one thing to eat. Sometimes it's a few things. I'm calm. I'm thinking about what will taste best to me from what i've selected. I'm looking at the food feeling excited. I am not compulsive but quite meditative. I may take a deep breath and center myself.

7). I close my eyes. and I pray over my food before i do anything. [I have come to the tremendous awareness that eating Food is an incredibly intimate and sacred act. It is akin to having sex! i am literally taking something from outside myself INTO MY body and it is going into all of my organs and nourishing me. It is becoming one with me.] I pray something like, "Dear Lord, please bless this meal and these foods that i have done my best to chose. Please make it a blessing and nutritious for me and my body. Amen."

8). Whatever appeals to me THE MOST, (I've rated what does mentally), i take the first smallish bite of. I don't save the best for LAST, i eat the best FIRST! I get full quickly with this method, so i don't want to keep the best for last, or i may be full by the time i get to it. The first bite is rapturous. I moan silently or outloud as i taste the food and feel jubilant grateful excited yearning that my tounge is feeling this slippery or crunchy or hot or cold delight and I can taste SO MUCH FLAVOR!! I close my eyes and chew slowly, savoring the flavor, examining it, discerning. I'm in heaven! The food breaks down in my mouth and i swallow. Happy! I'm so hungry that with the first swallow i actually FEEL the food hitting the pit of my stomach. That FIRST bite? It always tastes the BEST! Intuively, i know how the food matches with what i desired. I choose the same thing on my plate or something different on the plate for my next bite, or maybe something else from out of the bag, or i'll run and get something from the fridge that i need to adjust the meal. The 2nd and 3rd bites are delish, but it's always a little sad, because with the next bite, the flavor seems to already diminish ever ever so slightly. I rate the foods on my plate. Which is my favorite? Finish that! With sometimes as little as 3, sometimes it's 5 or 6 bites, sometimes it's many many more depending on the richness or lightness of the meal, I'm nearing the end of the meal. Already the flavor is dulled significantly and the feeling of food hitting the pit of my stomach is gone. It's not as fun to eat anymore once i'm satisfied because the food just doesn't taste as good. This is how naturally thin people eat. A SIGH spontaneously comes. This is a signal that i am satiated and ready to stop eating. Sometimes I'll take one last bite or sometimes i'll be done with the sigh. I tested myself once and took 2 or 3 more bites past satisfied and then realized it is so lacking pleasure. It is pointless. It is so true - FOOD TASTES BEST WHEN YOU ARE REALLY HUNGRY. This confirms my desire to WAIT again for the next meal. I get to ENJOY food ALL DAY this way! This is the most PLEASURE PACKED way to eat, EVER. FORGET all of that binge eating. It doesn't compare to this BLISS.

9.) When i am satisfied (not full, but the flavor dulled significantly, i sighed, i feel satiated), I pack up whatever i have leftover and put it away and i'm done eating, or push the plate away if i'm with company. (I've heard it said you can put a napkin over leftover food if it's tempting to keep eating...) At a restaurant, i might ask for a doggy bag up front. Temptation has not been too much of an issue really because with THIS way of eating you are zoned in on YOU and your SENSATIONS, you are no longer obsessed with FOOD and your intense GREED for food and GETTING MORE. Leftovers, for the first time in my life, are actually UNINTERESTING. Now i understand why thin people are not obsessed with all of the leftovers in their fridge. In my binge food obsessed days (only a week ago!), any leftovers in the fridge would call my name continually. Food NEVER calls to me anymore now that i wait for real strong hunger. I'm in control, not the food. HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!! Isn't that the way it's SUPPOSED to be?????

1o.) I don't think about food until the next time i get very hungry. If i've eaten something very rich, i may have taken only a few bites to become satiated, and hungry might not come for many hours. If i've eaten something light like fruit, very hungry might come much much sooner.

11.) I let feelings of slight hunger pass as i go about my day. I wait until i am very hungry to eat again. I get to judge. I know when it's time.

12.) Food is about fueling me today. Food is about satifying my physilogical hunger today. Food is not thought about again until i am physiologically very hungry again. Dieting is a thing of the past, following someone else's lists or rules for what i should eat. I'll never do it ever again. Binge eating was a sick preoccupation, obsession, compulsive drive that i will never do again. I swear, i am done with it. Binge eating has ruined my life! And i'm taking back control. I don't need it. It never served me. It never comforted me. It ruined my body, made me fat, depressed, crazy. I have severed ties with that way of dealing with life.

13.) If i am in need of comfort or of expelling emotions or in need of something to do or in need of movement or affection or stimulation, i seek non-food non-eating-related activities today. I try not to watch cooking shows, but when i do stay on guard not to start salivating, i detatch from the screen. In my old days, my system and conditioning were so messed up, I would salivate at the thought or sight of food, like Pavlov's dog would salivate at the ring of a bell. I was conditioned, really brainwashed. Not anymore. And I try not to read cooking magazines or look at excessive recipes. When i do, i don't get sucked in, i detatch and watch myself, so i don't get too excited.

14.) I express myself, i call someone, I write, I watch a movie, i do the dishes, i kiss my babe, i ask for a hug, i cry or i laugh, I pray. Being a FORMER BINGE EATER is a blessing. It is so much EASIER to live life this way. It is SO MUCH MORE PLEASURABLE.

15.) Gone are the feelings of intense self hatred, intense hopelessness, intense drive to eat compulsively. Gone is the DEPRESSION, the embarrassment, the deep pervasive SHAME! Gone are the food stained clothes. I feel pride today in looking presentable. Gone is the indecision and confusion regarding "what am i supposed to eat?" "Who do i listen to?" "Which program should i go on?" Gone are all the questions about who's plan i should follow. I know now. I follow my own hunger/fullness. Gone is the fear of binge eating. The reality of binge eating simply doesn't exist for me anymore. Gone is the fear of weight gain. Gone is the fear i'll never lose weight. Gone are the remorse, the guilt for eating something i "shouldn't." i have no rules anymore, except for what satisfies me and what i want. (Alot of times i want raw food. Alot of times I don't. I also try to use my head and make choices that are NOT excessively salty and fatty, but if i know i just can't live without that little bit of butter on my small slice of bread, i enjoy it gladly.) Gone is reflux from overeating so severely. Gone is bloating from huge amounts of salt. Gone are the excuses about my metabolism or my addiction or my mental illness with food. Gone are the feelings that I am defective. Gone are the emotions that used to drive me to eat. They handle themselves now, miraculously. The disconnect between food and emotions is set, laid in stone and not budging. Praise God. Gone is mounting and constant weight gain. Did i say that already? I'll say it again. Gone is the fear of food. Gone is the fear of food, hallelujah!!!! Gone is the feeling of pressure that i have to be raw to stop binge eating or that i have to binge because i ate something "bad" and gone is the pressure that i have to follow anyone else's advice. Gone is the stress with eating. It's all beautiful and wonderful liberating CHOICE. I'm finally EMPOWERED. I'm FREE. HALLELUJAH! PRAISE THE LORD! It took me 43 years to get here finally, but i'm here and i'm sticking with THIS!

16.) After i eat, i sometimes am feeling and listening to my belly. Sometimes I'm occupied with doing something else so that i never think about it again for a long time. Sometimes food digests so easily i feel nothing. That is such a blessing and happens mostly with fruit! Othertimes, my belly sorta makes little digesting noises or funny feelings that stress me a little. I take note. Sometimes I realize i didn't eat enough because the hunger signal returns pretty strong. When the really strong hunger signal returns very soon, i'll eat maybe a dessert. Sometimes i'll drink a tea if it's not that strong or eat a fruit. I've bypassed many "slightly hungry" feelings before i feel without a doubt, i need to eat.

17.) My next Hunger will vary depending on how much or how richly i ate at the last meal and how much i moved today. Since i've been laid up with the broken toe, i've not been exercising yet. This will be a new area to explore, how exercise affects my appetite and hunger/fullness and my digestion.

18.) I don't eat much anymore. The volume of what i eat has drastically reduced. It could be that really obese people like me need to actually eat ALOT less food with this intuitive eating and waiting for the growl than they could ever imagine. My intake has dropped severely. A meal now can sometimes fit in the palm of my hand, if it's hearty. If it's not as hearty, the volume will be greater. The heavier the food, the less i need to get satisfied. The lighter the meal, the more frequent meals I might have, or the meals might be large volume, like many bananas or many oranges. Hearty meals may now fit onto a saucer instead of fit in the tub! Really obese people who eat this way are burning fat and calories waiting for their next hunger. That's empowering to know! This is the way to lose weight and give up the obsession with food. Food is not our friend, our lover, our confidant. Food is fuel, miraculously delicious fuel to be used between the bounds of hunger and fullness.

19.) Sometimes a meal will not hold me as long as i expect and i'll think, am i crazy, how could i be seriously hungry again? Analysis of what i ate will usually reveal that the food was not as fattening as i thought. For instance, a salad with no dressing, but a plop of almond veggie pate FEELS hearty and very rich in the mouth, but, it doesn't hold me that long. I guess it's not THAT caloric, it just seems decadent eating it. Sometimes I eat again in an hour. Sometimes something holds me so well, i eat again in 8 hours. I take each episode as it comes!

20.) I don't drink juices or coffee with cream between meals. Only water or plain tea. Or if i am really hungry for a certain special drink like tea wth honey and almond milk or raw hot chocolate, it becomes a meal or part of a meal.

21.) I turn from programs like Weigh Down Workshop that have great merit but would have me become a cult member in the Remnant Fellowship or a bible obsessed Christian in order to get thin. I know i am strong and independant enough to do this without anymore gurus, cults, coaches, dietplans, support groups. I'm done with searching for the perfect diet, the perfect guru. Life is perfect now as long as i abide by hunger/fullness. I am the BOSS now!

22.) I make note of how i feel AFTER i eat. Did my energy slump? Do i feel energized? I take note and learn like this about what foods my body likes or has trouble with.

23.) To be continued...for sure! With each episode of intuitive eating, i will learn more and more about the most wonderful person on the planet. ME!

_ _ _

I hope this new way of eating will inspire YOU to start focusing on HUNGER and FULLNESS, no matter what you eat, raw or cooked. I think you will see that it is ALOT easier to do than you ever imagined possible. I know you will feel just as empowered and excited as i do. The world of food awaits us!

I trust that as i feed my body a high degree of raw fruit and vegetables, that it will begin to crave those foods more and more. I go easy on myself with my desires for cooked. No more guilt! I'm done with it. If i only ever BINGE ATE cooked food or forbidden food outside of a diet plan before, it's HIGH time I allowed myself to FINALLY just ENJOY it!!!

My self esteem is soaring

I feel strong and powerful and in charge

I am becoming who i was meant to be

I'm so happy

I'm so grateful

I can't wait to see where this journey takes me!

Please join me in this miraculous journey. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Please write comments or send emails. I haven't heard from anyone in a few days.

xoxo michelle joy

1 comment:

Karen said...

This is awesome! Thanks for sharing your amazing and inspiring progress :) Love, Karen