Tuesday, February 2, 2010

A Bingeaholic/Fat and Sat Addict...Finding Her Way! 50% Raw...and OKAY!

Morning, Folks,

"Pure Raw Joy" is now eating about 50% raw, and for today, that's really fantastic with me. I'm doing well. I'm losing weight. I'm working with a high raw obesity coach www.carlenejones.com. I feel satisfied. I'm eating vegan. I'm eating lowfat and lowsalt. I'm exercising daily. My diet is all raw fruits, raw greens, cooked veggies and beans. No added salt, no added fat. I'm feeling good.

I'm sure the "raw police" are terribly dissappointed with me, killing all those poor little veggies. Oh, the poor dead veggies poluting my body!

But, i'm okay with it. We all have to find our way - find what works for each of us as individuals. Live and let live and love everyone exactly where they are.

Here is my latest correspondance to Carlene for those of you that may be interested. My food report is below.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hi Carlene,

Today is a bit of a stressful day and i'm worried about how you will respond.

The morning escaped me, so i'll have to exercise this evening. I have my sneakers with me and plan a walk on Germantown Ave. It's cold out, but i can bundle up. Either that, or i'll go to the gym and walk on the treadmill, or walk in the pool. Tonight i have a singing rehearsal, so i have plenty of time to get the walk in before my rehearsal.

I'm at the library now doing some stressful work, organizing some music for upcoming concerts. It's agitating me because i have a lot of work to do on all of my upcoming music gigs (a full length opera, an italian concert and a retirement home concert of "oldies"). I have alot under my belt and i need to begin attacking it all daily. So, i'm just a little agitated. My tendency is to procrastinate. I have a rehearsal tonight i did alot of work for but i still feel unprepared for, but we have no set date for that concert, so it's not too earth shattering. I also have a rehearsal for another concert in 2 weeks. The opera is in April. I have to start attacking all of the music.

I've bought a binder and am getting all of the copies in there today so that is my first step in the right direction. Making the copies was a huge ordeal. Thank God i got that done.

For breakfast, I had a green smoothie: a few oranges, 3/4 of a banana, spinach and strawberries. It was really good, even without agave. the oranges are sweet now.

For snack: I had a little of my veggie soup because i was really hungry and didn't want to starve at the lunchdate i had coming up.

At lunch with my friend it went just "okay". i ordered a smoothie and a dry salad. It wasn't a "perfect" bootcamp lunch and that is worrying me. It seemed like an 'ok" choice, but not "ideal." I'm worried how you'll respond, if you'll yell at me!!! The last time i had lunch with a friend when i was on bootcamp with you, you were pretty severe when i ordered guacamole, and then i quit. I'm hoping the expectations are not so extreme for our work together this time and that if i screw up a bit, i can just move on and learn from it, but i won't get yelled at and i certainly don't want to quit.

Anyway, I'll be honest and fess up that the smoothie had no dairy, but i could tell it was sweetened. When i ordered it, i assumed it would be, but i really wanted it. I was afraid i'd be hungry - I'll be out all afternoon and evening. I also ordered a salad with spring mix, raw veggies, craisins and black beans on it, but ordered it with no dressing and no cheese or bread. The blackbeans were salted and i assumed they would be, but i wanted them.

After lunch, i felt like binge eating, in part because i wasn't "perfect" and in part because i'm stressed from my music and that' my way of coping. That way, if i eat, i won't have to confront my music. The agitation i'm facing is actually good. I'm not hiding at least.

I felt bad after lunch. Was it because physically the salt or the sugar affected me? Or did i just feel guilty for making not-perfect choices...and what the ramifications of those choices would be? Would i get bloated? Would i gain weight?

I decided to write instead of eating which is improvement also.

My feeling on the whole lunch is overall i did "well", but only if you see the lunch in perspective. It wasn't fried onion rings and pizza. I know it wasn't ideal and doesn't fit in with our 4 day plan, but since the sodium was low and the fat was zero, all in all it wasn't too horrendous. I just don't know how you will react! I hope you won't yell at me! This is life, afterall, and sometimes our choices are less than ideal, but we accept and learn from them and just move on.

So...that's my soul bearing for today!!! Please be kind!

xoxo michelle

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


I'm not going to yell at you for anything. This is not boot camp.

As for the salad, the sodium in the beans will probably make you want to
eat more, and the guilt. This is all part of the eating behaviors you are
going to have to master. Not the beans, the eating afterwards because of

I hope things went well. Procrastinating is something many of us do. I
work much better under pressure, so I don't worry about it too much.

Talk to you tomorrow. Keep the reports coming.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


All in all, i made it a good day and i'm really pleased with that. I weighed myself and am 280 lbs from 293.5 lbs. (-13.5 lbs since Friday....wow!) That was a lotta water weight! No wonder i felt so awful.

After the lunch out with my friend, i did feel guilty and bad and feel like binge eating because i thought i did "bad", but i went to the library and wrote you instead. It's bizarre to feel guilty and bad for eating beans and a smoothie when you see it in perspective. That meal certainly fit within our first goal of 3000mg sodium and 2000 cals and 20%fat. I kind of like that plan as a backup plan. Should things go poorly, i could at least stay within those perimeters.

I'm glad i chose to write. By writing, I avoided possible trouble. And indeed, I felt better after emailing and did not binge. So maybe it was all in my head...?

Would a little sodium really make me want so much more? Or is binge eating a mental disorder. I'm more inclined to believe it's a little of both.

However, I'm so black and white, and i thought that's what we were here to cure. When we first talked, your goal for me was not no salt, but low salt. So, yesterday was definitely low salt. As for it fitting into our 4 day cleanse, salted beans did not.

Anyway, I like NOT eating sodium. I feel very free. But, I kind of like being "allowed" a little if i go out, even if i choose to have none out, it's kind of nice to think that every once in a while i could have a little somthing with sodium. In this way, i could live a low salt life. I'm fine at home so far with none. I've found a routine that works that i actually like. But, i suppose we'll see where we proceed further when i speak to you.

As for the beans, i thought they were okay...i've BEEN using lentils in my veggie soups. I'm sorry, maybe i misunderstood. Was i not supposed to? So, for the blackbeans, i thought the issue was that they were salted...not that i ate beans... ???

I'm enjoying what i'm doing very very very much and feel like i could live like this a good long while, even without any fat at home at all. The cravings i experienced the first day, shakiness looking in the fridge, wanting eggs, etc...vanished. Hallelujah.

Work is coming up on Thursday and a few things concern me. I really believe i'm in a good spot now to be okay at work and just drink smoothies, eat fruit and chopped salads and not freak out and binge at work. I've been clean at work for months before with zero problems. Do you still want me to pack my own? Arnold feeding us is part of our salary. We make very little money there, so he allows us to eat. Can i see how i do and if it goes bad, i'll pack for Friday?

Also, the only thing i think that i fear will be a problem is the one banana rule at work. While i'm at work, may i be permitted to eat more than 1 banana? I enjoy a banana whip at work. During this week, i've been having less than 1 banana a day. Sometimes 1/2, sometimes 3/4.

Okay, here's my report from today. Talk to you tonight.

For breakfast, I had a green smoothie: a few oranges, 3/4 of a banana,spinach and strawberries.

For snack: I had a little of my veggie soup

At lunch I had the smoothie (dairy free/sweetened) and mesclun salad with veggies, craisins, salted black beans, no dressing


Dinner: 1/2 personal watermelon and large bowl of the fat free/salt free homemade veggie soup and 3 tangerines

EXERCISE: 50 mins walk to Main Street and back with Cliff

Snack: 1 apple and later handful raisins (was hungry)

xoxo michelle joy

No comments: