Ups and Downs!

Highest Weight: 425

Beginnging Blog Weight: 277

Yesterday: 262 1/4

Today: 262 3/4

Total blog loss in under a week: about 14 lbs.

An old pic of me when i was in the high 380's. I guess i really like tires! Either that or i'm just a ham and love to pose for a shot taken by my sweetheart, Cliff, whom i adore!

Only a quickie post this morning as i'm running to work. I spent time this morning updating my previous post, as i was not happy with it and obviously like to really say what i want to say. I'm still not happy with it, so i'll probably update it more later!

I gained .5lbs this morning!

Yeeeeees, it would have been nicer to lose, but I'm really okay with it, emotionally, i got over it. I guess this is why they say it's BEST not to weigh one's self daily! Soon i won't be, and would like to begin weighing weekly instead. I think it's healthier. Anyway, it is extraordinarily ridiculous to expect myself to lose 2 lbs a day indefinitely. I think the road will be fraught with lots of ups and downs and my job is to do the best i can, learn from my mistakes, never give up, and just let nature take it's course!

I've taken my 1 hour walk already, which is a real mood booster, and i've felt my feelings for the past 2 hours...man, i am much more emotional/sensitive than i realized. i have gone through a huge span of emotions in just a few hours already. I suppose this is how super sensitive people like me live, or they 'numb' themselves with something, or they learn how to be less reactive/emotional. That's my ultimate goal.

At the present moment, after doing some updating of my last post, i feel confident and positive about the day facing me. I'll write my food down, approach food with a more centered balanced self, hopefully, and not give into the chili lime dried mangos again!

Wish me luck! More later!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It's Later!

Guess what? I am certifiably a 'GLAMBERT!!!!" I'm watching Adam Lambert sing on youtube a song from The Ten Commandments called "Is Anybody Listening?". I CANNOT stop listening to it. I just LOVE him! What an BRILLIANT singer! (It's true. I'm becoming obsessed with him...he's gorgeous, i love the make up, i love the bod, he's TALL, the voice is AMAZING, he's a great actor, he's so composed in his interview with Regis and Kelly. Pure and simple: ADAM LAMBERT is a STAR!)

What is so amazing about him and what i ADMIRE so much is his vocal control, his completely 'grounded' 'connected' voice, his ability to go from chest voice to head and superhead so flawlessly, with such confidence, to be connected to his 'body', his ability to just let his voice POUR out of him, to completely sing on the breath, to just let it FLOW, FREE FLOW, he is just a consummate ARTIST and has MASTERED his CRAFT, his ART, HIMSELF. God bless Adam Lambert! When I sing well, i feel like I'm flying. I so crave to be such an artist. He must feel that way everytime he opens his mouth. He's trained his voice and entire self to perform flawlessly. Hard work. Lots of experience. Drive. Passion. I admire him so much and he is such a tremendous inspiration to me, as a singer and performer. I want SO MUCH what he has. I have the talent, yet I still struggle sometimes with vocal control (not to mention food control) and want CONTROL! Adam, I love you! Thank you for your marvelous talent. You are truly a channel for a wonderful gift to the world! I think you're wonderful! YOU INSPIRE ME! You are my IDOL!

These lyrics SERIOUSLY SPEAK TO MY SPIRIT AND HEART!

"You can tie a rock to my soul, but you can't build a prison for my mind, no! You can chain my body to the earth, but still, the spirit flies. MY SPIRIT FLIES! Does anybody out there see us drowing in our fears?....God if you hear us, send us someone!" IS ANYBODY LISTENING? From The Ten Commandments, Adam Lambert

Adam makes me wonder what I might be like if i got out of my own way and truly dedicated myself to being an artist, 100% and just let go of this food crap, weight crap, and just let the voice flow! Stop stuffing, holding in, holding back, let go of the FEAR, fight for my freedom from the prison of food...and just let the spirit fly....!

"Is anybody listening, does anybody hear? Does anybody out there see us drowning in our tears? Is our future written on a sky of cold stone? God, if you're listening , let us know! They teach us to believe we're not strong like them, that we don't have the will to crush these walls that hold us in. They try and make us think that we'll never have a chance. Can i fight for my own freedom with only these two hands? Is anybody listening? Does anybody hear? Does anybody out there see us struggling with our fears? If you're listening, let us know..." IS ANYBODY LISTENING from The Ten Commandments, Adam Lambert

I had such a MUCH MUCH MUCH better day at work today!!! I would even go so far as to say a GREAT day! I think THIS is what working at Arnolds Way is SUPPOSED to be like. Not continual continual compulsive self-gratification, and the misery that goes along with that. I went into work with a positive mood and attitude and had such a pleasant and productive day. I think just being more aware of myself, after writing about the previous 'irritable' day, and the difficulty i had with being in touch with my hunger, that i felt renewed. I had alot of energy at work today, too, and feel like i did really well with my food. I was unable, however, to follow-through on my desire to write down my food in the busy busy kitchen. By the time i remembered to write my food down, i had another customer to take care of. Maybe it's not going to be a realistic goal to write it down there, where i am stretched in 50 different directions, preparing food, checking people out at the register, taking orders, unpacking produce, packing bread, i could on and on...it's never ending.

But i really would like to. It looks like i ate so much today, though i didn't FEEL like I did. I will still keep it as a goal and try again next time!

I did, however, control myself better, as i was eating from physical hunger today and not just eating to eat, and I felt good, more balanced emotionally, more positive, more allowing the positive energy to flow through me. And feeling more like a channel for positivity was a very good feeling!

I ate when i was hungry, I thought. We'll see what happens with the weight! On http://www.rawfoodbootcamp.com/ i was only allowed 1 banana a day to lose weight quicker. I'm a little worried now after today's .5 gain and what looks like a lot of food!!!

EXERCISE: 1 hour walk - after yoga class last night, my muscles and body felt so good. Walking i felt like i was floating. So light!

BREAKFAST: 4 oranges

SNACK: 1 Green Smoothie: collard, apple, date, banana, filtered water

SNACK: 1 Green Smoothie: same

LUNCH: another big big bowl of 'mumbai spaghetti' like yesterday, only this time i put way too much coriander in it, i think, or maybe it was too much turmeric, and it tasted like perfume, but it was still not awful!

SNACK: 6 oranges

DINNER: 'Organic Orange Julius Smoothie' (recipe below)!

SNACK: Pina Colada Smoothie: banana, fresh pineapple, a little coconut flakes, agave, filtered water, icecubes

ORANGE JULIUS SMOOTHIE
Blend in Vitamix. No need to add water.

Juice of 4 orangic oranges
4 organic Bananas, frozen
1 Tbsp organic vanilla extract
1 Tbsp chopped date slurry (chopped dates mixed with
water)

ENJOY! DELISH!

Much love,

xoxo michelle joy