LIFE TODAY!!!

Hi there, Folks,

Hope you all are well.

I'm having a great week!

I write Megan daily and report everything I eat, my exercise, my struggles, my successes, and funny stories from the day. Megan writes me encouaging emails that i feel so blessed to receive (with funny stories of her own that i soooo enjoy!) as she continues to write her new raw cookbook while residing temporarily in Arizona. (Her cookbook, "Easy to Be Raw" continues to be a big seller at Arnold's Way. http://www.meganelizabeth.com/.) Megan's support means the world to me and provides me with the structure I need. I LOVE to write to her daily! I sometimes write several times a day, and she never discourages it, only encourages me. It's pretty awesome....i'm blessed to have such a good friend, coach, pal, buddy! She also gives me plenty of room to wiggle around and find my own way. I used to weigh myself daily. That was cool with her. Now i'm on a new path with that. And that's cool with her, too. Her easy going style suits me perfectly right now. I ultimately rebeled against the strict dictatorship of Carlene and Dr. D. Flexility is SO much better! And most of all, it's just comforting to know I have Megan in my corner. "We're routing for you here!," she told me at the conclusion of our last call. So simple, but it made a big impact. "We're routing for you!" Megan and her boyfriend, Joey, are routing for little old me? Aw...shucks. THANK YOU! It's a tremendous help and support. I need that. And i'm so entirely grateful for it.

So, what am i eating these days?

I have green smoothies for breakfast on most days. This week, I think one day i had fake "snausages" and toast instead.

I usually have some sort of a snack before lunch. Today it was a few fingerfuls of raw cashew pate. Yesterday, it was oatmeal.

For lunch, i've been wanting something cooked vegan, so that's what i do. Today i had rice vermicelli noodles with raw veggies and summer rolls with tofu. Yesterday i had rice vermicelli noodles again with veggies and a vegetable spring roll.

I usually get hungry again in between and will snack on clementines or grapes. Today I had a vegan hot chocolate.

For dinner, it's cooked vegan again. Today i had steamed tofu with mixed veggies at the local chinese place. Yesterday, I had a fake bologna sandwhich on whole wheat bread with fresh veggies.

And, before I go to bed, i'm hungry again and enjoy something fruity. Sometimes i'll have like 5 clementines. Tonight i had a thick smoothie of banana and berries. The night before i had a thick smoothie of frozen peaches, bananas and berries. I like to eat these with a spoon.

I eat when i get hungry these days, instead of eating compulsively. I tend to have 3 meals and 3 snacks.

I meditate now in the mornings and throughout the day. The meditating is doing WONDERS for me.

The meditation is an observation exercise i learned at http://www.fhu.com/, that i've known and practiced and fallen off and back into and back off of for YEARS. I'm back on...and it WORKS when i WORK it!

How does it work? It's pretty amazing. Here is an awesome explanation. Especially read the part below that describes how life is like being at a movie... http://www.fhu.com/meditation.html

Doing the meditation, my ego takes a back seat and all of a sudden, seemingly without effort, I'm doing what I "should." It's quite miraculous.

Hey, good news, I'm also exercising daily! Today i swam and water walked for a half hour at the gym. Yesterday, i worked out for 30 mins on the eliptical trainer at the clubhouse here in my parents' community. Other days I walk for 20-40 minutes around the neighborhood while reading a fabulous crime novel.

Cliff and I also jump on the mini Needok trampoline daily. We set it up at my parents, in the basement, in front of the fish tank, and the fish are having so much fun watching us bounce around like idiots, having fun! I'm up to 4 minutes a day!

Binge eating is GREATLY diminished. How is THAT for new? I think i had trouble last week. This week is free and clear. Food doesn't cause binge eating. Otherwise I'd be binge eating today. It's NOT the food. I needed to figure this out.

I don't weigh myself anymore. I'm somewhere in the 330's. Maybe i'm in the 320s? I've decided to let my BEHAVIOR determine my mood/self worth...instead of my WEIGHT for today. This way, i feel good all of the time, because my behavior has been really commendable. For an out-of-control binge eater like me, having self control feels frickin' unbelievable.

I find if I start my day with my meditation, everything falls into place and I WANT to do the right thing. And you know what? When you do good things, you feel better and you want to do good things. Exercise FEELS good. You start to WANT to feel good.

My raw days are coming up again! Tomorrow and Friday I work at Arnold's Way, so they will be my 2 raw days again this week. Yay!

Tomorrow night, I start a weekly yoga class at 7pm after work - that's a new fun thing. I haven't done yoga in MONTHS and MONTHS. It will feel good to stretch out again!!! I'm taking the class with my high school girlfriend, so it will be a social visit, too! I'll kill 2 birds with one stone!

And, Friday night, there is a 811 Buffet at Arnold's Way, being prepared by a wonderful well known vegan chef named Wendy Landiak, who once owned and operated a very popular vegetarian restaurant in Emmaus, PA, called BALASIA. Here is a nice article on Wendy. http://www.balasia.net/natawake.html .

Tomorrow's raw dinner promises to be something special. Wendy, who is not a raw chef, will be one for the night, and will prepare everything 811 style, using no salt, little fat (avocado, nuts), and raw fruits and vegetables only. The real kicker will be to notice how incredibly well we all feel AFTER eating such a light and healthy meal!!

I acknowledge fully that my weight was MUCH MUCH better when i was 100% raw.

I look at myself in the mirror today and see a different me than the one I became accustomed to seeing in the mirror everyday for over 3 years. BUT...this is where i am today and I accept it. I have to be HERE. Self LOVE will show me the way back. I once said it, and i'll say it again, "You can't hate yourself into eating bananas." It won't last. I'd just gain the weight back. Everything has to eminate from self love, from wanting to FEEL good. Looking good is no reason to do something. It's not strong enough motivation. And it's all EGO. The motivation has to come from deep within. I'll get there!

To elaborate on that idea, I've realized that when i use "effort" and "ego" to accomplish something like dieting, losing weight, it always backfires, and i end up binge eating anyway out of frustration because the success is not overnight. SO WHY BOTHER???

Slow and steady is my motto these days. Consistent good behavior brought about by me relinquishing control to my HIGHER POWER by meditating, and with the supporive gently guiding friendship of Megan are controlling me today instead of food compulsions. AWESOME!

As for my weight, I'm much more concerned with ceasing binge eating than with dieting today. What helps me to stop it is allowing myself everything i want within reason. The point is i'm NOT dieting. I've eaten fried plantains and fried spring roll this week. The nice part is, the more and more I fall into a routine and I drink smoothies for breakfast and snacks and eat fruit between meals, that's what i want! The more I do it, the more i want to do it!

The unfortunate part is, the more i eat fake wheatmeat and bread and noodles, that becomes what i want, too, for lunch and dinner. For today, i simply enjoy it and have gratitude that i'm not binge eating. I want to allow it to drop away in it's own time. Force doesn't work. Does it work for you? In the long run, it NEVER works.

The meditation also helps incredibly with self control around food. I notice that i am alot calmer around food. I just make better choices. I'm alot more reasonable. And don't just pick up food because i "want" it. Something else is controlling me besides that old-binge-me i became again. This "better" me is being reborn. I feel like that old me at the raw retreat that walked miles and miles a day...not because i HAD to, but because i enjoyed it...and wanted to!

My energy is...ehhh, okay, good. But not great.

I remember on raw experiencing incredible surges of energy and blissful happiness. I feel happy today and like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, which i am grateful for, but i don't get surges of energy. I usually nap daily actually on cooked now, and now that i'm exercising.

2 days of raw this week will be examined. How do i feel? Do i have energy? Could i continue for a 3rd day into saturday? Pure Raw Joy will eventually win out.....if it's best for me!

xoxo michelle joy