Finding My Best Diet...How's It Going?

Hello there,

I'm really pleased to say that I am doing SO MUCH better than i had been. As you all know, I am a morbidly obese binge eater [I've lost 150 lbs] and I've been talking about my binge eating since the inception of this blog. I'm 42 and have been binge eating since high school, and i've been hospitalized 3x for Binge Eating Disorder.

When i was 100% raw these past 3 years, i was binge eating on gourmet raw. When i began eating some cooked food, it wasn't too long before i was binging on vegetarian junk food like donuts, pizza and spring rolls. I gained 38 lbs doing just that in only a short time. Previously, i'd gain 20-30 lbs binging on gourmet raw, and then i'd lose it by 80-10-10ing. It was 'fun' alright, but the resulting weight gain was devastating. Up and down. Up and down.

This last episode gaining almost 40 lbs felt DESPERATELY out of control. Cooked vegetarian binge food is EVERYWHERE...on every corner: french fries, fried onion rings, donuts, pizza, chinese food. I couldn't stop...and i didn't WANT to. I was desperate to find a solution.

I tried many things including going back to 100% raw gourmet several times, then i fell off into cooked vegetarian junk food again and again, before feeling entirely hopeless and contacting Carlene Jones of www.carlenejones.com.

Carlene has lost 140 lbs and is maintaining her weightloss eating a mostly raw diet, which includes lots of fruit, little fat and salt and cooked vegetables. What else she eats i'm not sure of, but what i DO know is what she told me, "I know what i can eat at home, i know what i can eat when i go out, and i know what i must never take in the house." Coming to a place of such control is what i want, too.

Carlene has found her way, remains in control most of the time, exercises daily, and now tries to help other women overcome obesity and binge eating using a low fat, low sodium diet, yet remains 'realistic' about binge eating. Carlene says, "Even skinny people binge. I've never seen a Sandra Bullock movie where she doesn't take a cake out of the fridge and eat the entire thing." The key, she says, is to confine the binge eating. For me, my interpretation is that if i'm going to binge, i'm going to binge, but i can learn to binge on zero calorie food...like cooked veggies.

Because Carlene is high raw many of her clients choose high raw diets or half raw, and some, no raw. I had to ask myself,"What's healthier, staying fat and binge eating gourmet raw for the rest of my life and never losing another pound, or maybe including some low fat cooked food to help me lose weight and at least...confine...binge eating?" It's easy to eat a huge bowlfull of steamed veggies without dressing, but a giant plate of raw broccoli not drowned in cashew thai sauce? Not too appetizing.

Carlene still runs a website called www.rawfoobootcamp.com, which promotes an 80-10-10-like sodium free almost fat free raw diet - 100% raw, all fruit, greens and barely any fat. Many women, in fact, have lost over 100 lbs on her 'bootcamp'. The sad fact, is that ALL of them gained it all back.

Carlene now runs a program called, "Find Your Best Diet" taking women slowly through small diet additions and changes, allowing THEM the freedom (within limits) to figure out what works best for them. I am working with Carlene now to find MY best diet.

We started out with a 2,000 calorie limit and i was 'allowed' to eat whatever i wanted. It really didn't work too good as i fell into binge eating immediately. Back to square one. I went back to 80-10-10 for a few days under Carlene's guidance. The first day was SO HARD!!! I had such tremendous cravings, i didn't think i would make it. After i got through that first day, it was smooth sailing.

On the third day, we added in home cooked veggie lentil soups with zero fat and zero salt. I was surprised they didn't make me 'compulsive,' being cooked. They are bland, but warm and comforting and filling. So all and in in addition to these soups daily, I've been eating lots of fruit, lots of smoothies and green smoothies and some dry salad, and i've lost 17.5 lbs with not too much struggle, and ZERO compulsion to BINGE. Pretty awesome.

As for the soups, they really seem to 'work' for me. I get to eat so much of them. Carlene and I have made peace with the fact that as a binge eater, i am a VOLUME eater, by nature. That's just the way it is. Making peace with that is actually FREEING. We now KNOW that, and can plan foods that FILL but are low fat and low salt, like the soup i make. And, Carlene is also a volume eater, so she understands. And it's so great that I get to eat high volume this way - with NO FAT and NO SALT - eat like a pig, but lose weight!!!!

To make my soup I blenderize veggies with water in the vitamix, add them that to a big pot, add in lots of chunky veggies and 1 cup of orange lentils and cook about 10 minutes. With the top on i let it sit for a while. An entire pot of soup is probably no more than 500 calories. So each serving is minimal calories and maximally filling. I'm basically doing the Dr. Fuhrman program. His program cures people's cancers, too, so these soups can't be THAT unhealthy.

And I've also been walking an hour a day. What a joy that is! After the first 15 minutes, your legs are happy, you're happy, and when you're done, you're empowered. The best thing to do is not to THINK about it too much. Just DO it. It's become just a simple fact: everyday i must fit in 1 hour of walking. And i do. Even in a blizzard. I just bundle up. I'm so grateful Cliff joins me. I love that man dearly. Our walks are so bonding and energizing not only to our bodies but to our relationship.

More on finding my best diet: Just the other day, Carlene suggested another idea to add to my repertoire perhaps 2x/week, if desired: an eggwhite omelette. As a former raw foodist, I sort of cringed at the idea, but, i've decided to branch out. Losing weight and stopping binge eating is HEALTHIER than what i was doing before, even if i was all raw, I was eating so much sodium and fat. That's just not healthy for anyone. I'm now eating food that is considered 'toxic,' but it's all a big experiment and I can go back to 100% raw if i want. I just really want to see if i can find a diet where i can lose weight, stop binge eating and be happy for the rest of my life. When i find it, i'll know, so i'm open to experimentation, under Carlene's guidance.

I made one of these eggwhite omelettes last night that Carlene suggested, and REALLY enjoyed it. I was shocked that 4 egg whites with 1 whole egg with no salt and barely any fat (1/2 tsp oil) could actually taste so amazingly good. I added tons of veggies - mushrooms and tomato and leeks. It was so good. What's amazing is that being over one week off of salt, everything tastes good!

The strange thing was...i snored last night after the egg whites omelette. As a cooked food 425lbs woman, i used to snore so LOUD that you could literally hear me down the hall with the door closed. As a raw foodist, i stopped snoring completely! And eating cooked veggies and lentils didn't bring back the snoring. But, the eggs did. I told Carlene I'd keep the egg idea as a treat because of that. It's nice to sleep with my honey and not keep him awake.

Yet today when we went out to eat, i was a little stuck on what i could order and ended up with eggs again. I saw no fruit salad, no fruit cup. I saw a hummus platter. That would have been a luscious vegan choice, but, it's too high salt and high fat for right now. I saw lots of wonderful vegan choices - grilled portobello mushroom sandwhich, veggie quesillas. Everything had salt and fat. If i were in a raw restaurant, i'd have confronted the same issue. Everything would be fatty and salty, except for fruit or dry salad. I was REALLY hungry, so i ordered the Ceasar Salad with no croutons, no olives, no dressing, but the egg was okay. It arrived as a plate of romaine, a few tomatoes and 2 eggs cut up. I ate one of the eggs and took the yolk out of the second. I didn't feel compulsive afterwards, but i'll snore again tonight. Best to limit the eggs i think. My body obviously doesn't consider them the 'best' for me, otherwise, it wouldn't become inflamed from them.

But, after my one hour walk, i was hungry again. A Larabar at 230 cals, zero sodium, but 12% fat seemed like an okay option. The cashews are fatty, but it's not that much that it would set me compulsively, and in fact, it didn't. I was very hungry and this compact caloric bar may not have been ideal, but it was a fine choice.

See, i'm learning to make CHOICES now. I'm restricted to 1600-1800 cals a day now. I've limited myself most days to zero fat, but i am allowed to have 30% of my cals at fat, and i've also limited myself most days to ZERO sodium, though i'm allowed to have 3,000mg of sodium daily. Making choices is SO empowering! I'm in control. I write everything down on fitday and Carlene and i talk 2x/week and we email daily. It's actually going really GREAT!!

I've noticed some other things, like the snoring, that aren't as great since eating some cooked food, though. My poops are not as fabulous as they were when i was eating raw 100%. For a few days, i was even constipated, but my bowels have seemed to adjust now. And i wake up every morning (even though i'm eating zero sodium) with a puffy face - puffy cooked food face. I had really enjoyed waking up beautiful as a raw foodist. Also, after eating the eggs, i felt like i could sleep forever!

Many a time on this journey of "finding my best diet", i've had to ask myself if i ALREADY had found it before....when i was 100% raw! I obviously needed to make some adjustments to it, however.

What's so much easier, though, is to eat LOWFAT with cooked veggies and LOWCAL. As a raw foodist, unless you are going to do 80-10-10 and eat only fruit all day, it's almost IMPOSSIBLE to eat LOWFAT and LOWCAL. Salads without dressing are really NOT that enjoyable. And nuts and seeds are also high in fat. Soaked seeds are probably the best option for weight loss. I mean, look at Angela Stokes-Monarch's diet. She hardly eats ANYTHING. She drinks most of her calories or takes supplements. There aren't many lowfat options unless you want to eat fruit all day. And Angela doesn't believe in fruit, considering it only for highly active people. So what are you left with? She mostly juices. I've never been so much into juicing. Maybe someday... I'm just not 'there' yet.

Nevertheless, my BIGGEST 'Ah-ha' moment in this work with Carlene has been the realization that i am a FAT and SODIUM ADDICT. Realizing this, finally, has made me so very very conscious of what i eat because I know now that if i eat too much salt and too much fat this giant big COMPULSIVE BINGE MONSTER awakens in me - my cravings completely reawaken and i'm out of control again.

I always assumed they were EMOTIONS that drove us to binge. But i don't think so anymore. I think it's the food. If you don't pick up too much salt and fat, miraculously, you're just forced to deal and cope. And i do!

So, even with eating COOKED eggwhites and COOKED veggies and lentils, i'm NOT COMPULSIVE, I assume, because they are LOWFAT. I always assumed wrongly it was the fact that food was COOKED that made me compulsive. But, i don't think it is. It's really the FAT and SALT content that's really the problem.

So, no matter if it's raw or cooked, if it's FATTY or SALTY, it's going to cause problems. If i were to have a nice huge mound of raw toona or chick-un salad, that monster re-awakens. Also, if i eat cooked french fries or onion rings, it reawakens.

It usually re-awakens at work when i dig into the raw bread. Well, what is raw bread? Fat and salt, basically. At 130 cals per slice (i worked it out on fitday.com), that's 1,000 cals for a tray of 8 and lots of salt and fat. No WONDER i couldn't stop that stuff once i started. And no wonder i couldn't lose weight on gourmet raw. I invariably ALWAYS overdid it on whatever i ate. It just never stopped calling to me.

Carlene has stated that there are foods that just SHOULD NOT BE ON MY REPERTOIRE AT ALL. Any food that is more than 30% fat or high in sodium should just be off limits. Why? I won't want to stop. Raw bread is one of those foods.

So, this is only a little past week one of this fascinating journey into finding my best diet, and i'm just so glad to be losing weight again, to be exercising again, to be so hopeful, and to be much more aware of the impact of salt and fat in my diet and in my binge eating issue. I'm glad to be looking better, glad to have Cliff proud of me and walking with me and loving me. It's a happy time. I know as i continue along this road, if i continue to stay aware, i'll be able to refine what my idea for my best diet is. So...onward i go...one day at a time!

xoxo michelle joy

Finding YOUR Best Diet!

Hi there, Folks,

Things are going really well. I just looked at myself in the mirror and i'm so pleased how well my face is looking. The bloating is gone, i'm down at least 13.5 lbs in less than a week. I weighed myself 2 days ago and get weighed in again on Friday morning.

You know, cooking veggies and lentils is not as scary as i always thought it would be.

I had a really great 'ah-ha' moment last night in one of my bi-weekly conversations with Carlene, my mostly raw weight loss coach at http://www.carlenejones.com/. She made a fantastic observation in labeling me a "fat and salt addict" - not coincidentally, JUST LIKE HER. And no matter the medium, cooked or raw, we're obsessed by fat and salt.

Oh, my. HOW TRUE. HOW TRUE!

She's been able to break out of the stereotypical raw gourmet diet AND out of total 80-10-10 eating, to now incorporate some cooked into her high fruit low fat diet...ALL THE WHILE MAINTAINING her 140lbs weight loss. How does she do this??? By 'avoiding' fat and salt, PERIOD. She does indulge from time to time, but, overall, her diet is VERY low fat and VERY low salt. In that way, she's able to maintain control.

I suppose it's no coincidence we've linked up. I needed to come to this place, i think.

My most in-control non-compulsive raw times have been on 80-10-10. Well, it figures. No salt. Barely any fat. But i couldn't maintain the diet. It felt way too harsh to me. I invariably always broke free from it, and went back to extremely high fat, high salt raw gourmet binge eating.

Gourmet raw drives me NUTS it tastes so good. I have a hard time stopping. It's so high fat and high sodium that for someone like me who is just a BORN ADDICT, it's like asking an alcoholic to have a few glasses of wine and not want anymore. The high salt and fat just awaken this monster in me.

Cooked Vegetarian junk food like fried spring rolls, fried tofu in singapore rice noodles, cheese pizza, donuts, cheese and mayo on a boca burger - why do i like it all? The FAT and the SALT. And why can't i stop once i start? The FAT and the SALT.

My diet the past 5 days with the assistance of Carlene has been largely a Whole Foods 50% raw diet comprised of: very large servings of green smoothies several times a day, unlimited fruit snacks and meals (homemade applesauce, etc...), and cooked soups made with no salt or fat, containing mongo amounts of veggies, and little orange lentil beans. [i'm also walking an hour a day.]

I'm finding i'm totally contented. I'm back to being completely un-compulsive. I'm not back into the high fat/high salt cooked binge eating like i was (i swear, i feared i'd never stop). It's out of my system. I'm amazingly OVER it! [Well, one day at a time, God Willing!] I feel like an alky who's been to rehab. Without the alcohol in my system (high fat and salt), i just don't CRAVE it.

So, it really never was COOKING that made me so ravenously compulsive. It was FAT and SALT.

I'm so totally contented with this new diet, but Carlene and I both realize that in order to ensure i can stay on this plan (and drop all of my excess weight) (and stop binge eating), i will need some 'treats' of salt and fat. No more black and white dieting. It's time to live.

I'm thinking the best way to tackle incorporating a little salt and fat in my plan would be to keep this new routine (basically the Dr. Fuhrman plan) as my daily plan, but then when i go OUT, i allow myself small dabblings into salt and fat.

Carlene has cautioned me that i can NOT go above a certain point with the salt or the fat...otherwise...the cravings will return. She's given me a cut-off of 1800 cals total, 3,000mg sodium and 30% fat. If a food is very fatty and very salty, it just "shouldn't be in your repertoire, Michelle."

I really, really, really GET it. It's like...i SEE the light.

Salt and Fat for me...have to be monitored, avoided, eaten with great care.

Nothing really changed emotionally for me this last week. I just stopped ingesting my DRUGS. I'm so much calmer. Even Carlene noticed. "You're so much calmer!"

I feel certain i'm on my way to "finding my best diet!" I can eat really all the soup i want...getting as full as i like...[binge eaters are high volume eaters, plain and simple] but i lose weight like crazy. Cooked veggies and lentils are so low in calories you can get stuffed and not even take in 300 cals. I made a giant pot of soup tonight, worked up the calories and the entire BIG pot is less than 1,000 cals. On the other hand, 8 peices of raw bread score over 1,000 cals.

I'm finding even this plan preferable to 80-10-10. Though it's not all raw, i'm losing so much quicker. And i FEEL so much better. And i can get REALLY full. And hot soup...is soooooooo pleasurable. That's sooo important to me, a sensual being.

Here's a sweet note from my friend, Jan, who's been keeping track of me on my plan with Carlene. She is the one who introduced me to Carlene, as she was on rawfoodbootcamp herself.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hi there, Michelle,

...I'm so thrilled that you are happy with the program that you have settled on. Realizing that following Dr. Fuhrman's program with some cooked food is working for you and it's the fat and salt that are the problem is "a good thing" as Martha Stewart would say. I know you have told me ever since OHI days that you have a real problem not being able to stop with the high fat and salty foods. So, now, knowing that you can eat/have the cooked soup whenever you want and you find it warming, filling, and satisfying is a wonderful new part of your program. I am very, very happy that you have discovered this. And, as you expressed to Carlene, allowing yourself the small indulgence of being able to have a moderate amount of salt and fat whenever you go out with friends, is, I believe, an important part of living a balanced life, foodwise. Knowing that you have that meal to look forward to, but, also reminding yourself that it is "just a meal" and not an opportunity to over-indulge, can mean the difference between being black and white. Enjoying that "gray area" every once in a while can prevent one from rebelling against the rigidity of an all-or-nothing program!

I hope I am making sense. Just know this, Michie, that I support you on your journey and am happy when you're happy with your steps along the way!

Blessings,

jan
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jan is such a wonderful friend. She has been an enormous support to me and i'm so grateful for her friendship.

It's my hope that everyone suffering from binge eating or from issues with gourmet raw or displeasure with 80-10-10 or with morbid obesity can find peace and a plan that works for them. We all must find our way. We cant go on like we have been. We need to find something that WORKS for us. It's a rough road to tread sometimes, trying this and trying that, but just know...if I can do it, anyone can do it!!! Think back to what worked for you in the past. Through a process of trial and error, you'll find your way. But never forget you need support, until you are strong enough on your own!

I have much much greater stores of power and ability than i even realize. I really NEEDED Carlene's support in the throws of my 'disease.' But, i'm coming closer and closer to the realization that i CAN do this and continue this on my own. I can overcome binge eating. I can lose the rest of my weight. I can enjoy my diet. I can have discipline, and allow myself some freedom, within limits.

Even 50% raw....feels like PURE RAW JOY!!

xoxo michelle joy

A Bingeaholic/Fat and Sat Addict...Finding Her Way! 50% Raw...and OKAY!

Morning, Folks,

"Pure Raw Joy" is now eating about 50% raw, and for today, that's really fantastic with me. I'm doing well. I'm losing weight. I'm working with a high raw obesity coach www.carlenejones.com. I feel satisfied. I'm eating vegan. I'm eating lowfat and lowsalt. I'm exercising daily. My diet is all raw fruits, raw greens, cooked veggies and beans. No added salt, no added fat. I'm feeling good.

I'm sure the "raw police" are terribly dissappointed with me, killing all those poor little veggies. Oh, the poor dead veggies poluting my body!

But, i'm okay with it. We all have to find our way - find what works for each of us as individuals. Live and let live and love everyone exactly where they are.

Here is my latest correspondance to Carlene for those of you that may be interested. My food report is below.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hi Carlene,

Today is a bit of a stressful day and i'm worried about how you will respond.

EXERCISE
The morning escaped me, so i'll have to exercise this evening. I have my sneakers with me and plan a walk on Germantown Ave. It's cold out, but i can bundle up. Either that, or i'll go to the gym and walk on the treadmill, or walk in the pool. Tonight i have a singing rehearsal, so i have plenty of time to get the walk in before my rehearsal.

MUSIC
I'm at the library now doing some stressful work, organizing some music for upcoming concerts. It's agitating me because i have a lot of work to do on all of my upcoming music gigs (a full length opera, an italian concert and a retirement home concert of "oldies"). I have alot under my belt and i need to begin attacking it all daily. So, i'm just a little agitated. My tendency is to procrastinate. I have a rehearsal tonight i did alot of work for but i still feel unprepared for, but we have no set date for that concert, so it's not too earth shattering. I also have a rehearsal for another concert in 2 weeks. The opera is in April. I have to start attacking all of the music.

I've bought a binder and am getting all of the copies in there today so that is my first step in the right direction. Making the copies was a huge ordeal. Thank God i got that done.

FOOD
For breakfast, I had a green smoothie: a few oranges, 3/4 of a banana, spinach and strawberries. It was really good, even without agave. the oranges are sweet now.

For snack: I had a little of my veggie soup because i was really hungry and didn't want to starve at the lunchdate i had coming up.

At lunch with my friend it went just "okay". i ordered a smoothie and a dry salad. It wasn't a "perfect" bootcamp lunch and that is worrying me. It seemed like an 'ok" choice, but not "ideal." I'm worried how you'll respond, if you'll yell at me!!! The last time i had lunch with a friend when i was on bootcamp with you, you were pretty severe when i ordered guacamole, and then i quit. I'm hoping the expectations are not so extreme for our work together this time and that if i screw up a bit, i can just move on and learn from it, but i won't get yelled at and i certainly don't want to quit.

Anyway, I'll be honest and fess up that the smoothie had no dairy, but i could tell it was sweetened. When i ordered it, i assumed it would be, but i really wanted it. I was afraid i'd be hungry - I'll be out all afternoon and evening. I also ordered a salad with spring mix, raw veggies, craisins and black beans on it, but ordered it with no dressing and no cheese or bread. The blackbeans were salted and i assumed they would be, but i wanted them.

After lunch, i felt like binge eating, in part because i wasn't "perfect" and in part because i'm stressed from my music and that' my way of coping. That way, if i eat, i won't have to confront my music. The agitation i'm facing is actually good. I'm not hiding at least.

I felt bad after lunch. Was it because physically the salt or the sugar affected me? Or did i just feel guilty for making not-perfect choices...and what the ramifications of those choices would be? Would i get bloated? Would i gain weight?

I decided to write instead of eating which is improvement also.

My feeling on the whole lunch is overall i did "well", but only if you see the lunch in perspective. It wasn't fried onion rings and pizza. I know it wasn't ideal and doesn't fit in with our 4 day plan, but since the sodium was low and the fat was zero, all in all it wasn't too horrendous. I just don't know how you will react! I hope you won't yell at me! This is life, afterall, and sometimes our choices are less than ideal, but we accept and learn from them and just move on.

So...that's my soul bearing for today!!! Please be kind!

xoxo michelle

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Michelle,

I'm not going to yell at you for anything. This is not boot camp.

As for the salad, the sodium in the beans will probably make you want to
eat more, and the guilt. This is all part of the eating behaviors you are
going to have to master. Not the beans, the eating afterwards because of
them.

I hope things went well. Procrastinating is something many of us do. I
work much better under pressure, so I don't worry about it too much.

Talk to you tomorrow. Keep the reports coming.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Morning,

All in all, i made it a good day and i'm really pleased with that. I weighed myself and am 280 lbs from 293.5 lbs. (-13.5 lbs since Friday....wow!) That was a lotta water weight! No wonder i felt so awful.

After the lunch out with my friend, i did feel guilty and bad and feel like binge eating because i thought i did "bad", but i went to the library and wrote you instead. It's bizarre to feel guilty and bad for eating beans and a smoothie when you see it in perspective. That meal certainly fit within our first goal of 3000mg sodium and 2000 cals and 20%fat. I kind of like that plan as a backup plan. Should things go poorly, i could at least stay within those perimeters.

I'm glad i chose to write. By writing, I avoided possible trouble. And indeed, I felt better after emailing and did not binge. So maybe it was all in my head...?

Would a little sodium really make me want so much more? Or is binge eating a mental disorder. I'm more inclined to believe it's a little of both.

However, I'm so black and white, and i thought that's what we were here to cure. When we first talked, your goal for me was not no salt, but low salt. So, yesterday was definitely low salt. As for it fitting into our 4 day cleanse, salted beans did not.

Anyway, I like NOT eating sodium. I feel very free. But, I kind of like being "allowed" a little if i go out, even if i choose to have none out, it's kind of nice to think that every once in a while i could have a little somthing with sodium. In this way, i could live a low salt life. I'm fine at home so far with none. I've found a routine that works that i actually like. But, i suppose we'll see where we proceed further when i speak to you.

As for the beans, i thought they were okay...i've BEEN using lentils in my veggie soups. I'm sorry, maybe i misunderstood. Was i not supposed to? So, for the blackbeans, i thought the issue was that they were salted...not that i ate beans... ???

I'm enjoying what i'm doing very very very much and feel like i could live like this a good long while, even without any fat at home at all. The cravings i experienced the first day, shakiness looking in the fridge, wanting eggs, etc...vanished. Hallelujah.

Work is coming up on Thursday and a few things concern me. I really believe i'm in a good spot now to be okay at work and just drink smoothies, eat fruit and chopped salads and not freak out and binge at work. I've been clean at work for months before with zero problems. Do you still want me to pack my own? Arnold feeding us is part of our salary. We make very little money there, so he allows us to eat. Can i see how i do and if it goes bad, i'll pack for Friday?

Also, the only thing i think that i fear will be a problem is the one banana rule at work. While i'm at work, may i be permitted to eat more than 1 banana? I enjoy a banana whip at work. During this week, i've been having less than 1 banana a day. Sometimes 1/2, sometimes 3/4.

Okay, here's my report from today. Talk to you tonight.

REPORT:
For breakfast, I had a green smoothie: a few oranges, 3/4 of a banana,spinach and strawberries.

For snack: I had a little of my veggie soup

At lunch I had the smoothie (dairy free/sweetened) and mesclun salad with veggies, craisins, salted black beans, no dressing

NO BINGE

Dinner: 1/2 personal watermelon and large bowl of the fat free/salt free homemade veggie soup and 3 tangerines

EXERCISE: 50 mins walk to Main Street and back with Cliff

Snack: 1 apple and later handful raisins (was hungry)

xoxo michelle joy

Steaming Veggies vs. Raw Veggies...Weight Loss for the Fat/Salt Addict

Hi there, Ladies,

Things have been going really well. I feel back on track and so grateful to be eating healthfully and exercising again. All of the cooked high fat high salt food (pizza, eggrolls) snowballed. I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop gaining weight. I couldn't stop craving them. So i contacted Carlene of www.carlenejones.com. Carlene lost 140 lbs on a high raw diet and now helps other obese food addicts lose weight, but more importantly, create a plan of eating that they can live with long term.

I began steaming vegetables yesterday and found i really enjoyed it. Steaming, I believe, maintains some of the nutrients and enzymes, so that is good. But more importantly for me, it allows me to eat veggies without alot of fatty salty sauces or dressings.

I'm constantly reminded how several friends of mine lost over 100 lbs eating gourmet raw. I ate ALOT of gourmet raw when i initially lost my first 140 lbs. All I can say is - there came a point when i no longer ate it in moderation as i did at the raw retreat. It started becoming a problem when i began working in a raw cafe...the ability to constantly snack there. And then it became a huge problem, gaining 20+ lbs regularly on raw gourmet binges that i couldn't control. The salt and the fat just CALL to me.

Recently with Cliff, we tried all gourmet raw. I ate in moderation. I felt happy. But i didn't lose weight. Either did he.

What i like about Carlene's program is that it's not one-size-fits-all. We are all individuals with so many complex needs, so many complex issues that each of us must find our way and find out what works best for us. The people who happily eat gourmet in moderation aren't foodaholics like i am. I wish i weren't. But i am.

So, for today, i'm back to lean eating. The cravings have stopped. I'm happy as a clam. And i know this is the right direction for me. I feel it in my bones. And i see it on the scale.

The fact that i'm killing enzymes and eating 'dead' food don't really mean much to me. Steamed veggies and homemade fat free veggie soups with no fat and no salt never killed ANYONE. Victoria Boutenko eats steamed veggies. She realized they were healthier than 1lb of cashews every night. Frederic Patenaude eats steamed veggies. Paul Nison drinks raw goats milk.

I'm still eating a high degree of raw: green smoothies, E3Live and lots of fruit. It's all good.

At the supermarket yesterday, the checker exclaimed, "You sure do eat lots of fruits and veggies!" I felt proud that mine was the only shopping cart with everything green and colorful. I shop only the store perimeters.

Below are the most recent correspondences from Carlene and me with the most recent first. We're corresponding 2x/daily instead of me inputting my food into www.fitday.com for right now. It's working well!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Michelle,

Great job getting back in the zone! Can you see how the first day was such
a huge result of the high fat/high sodium you had been eating?

How nice that Cliff is walking with you that is great.

As for weighing in. You need to weigh in on Tuesdays and Fridays, the days
of our calls.

Have a great day.

Carlene

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Morning,

I'm glad the steamed veggies and soup are a part of my plan. I enjoyed
it!

I'm off for a one hour walk with cliff this morning.

And we're making green smoothies for breakfast.

Afterwards, my girlfriend and i are going out to lunch. i'll get a dry
veggie salad with lemon. boring and bland, but it's ok for today. i'm
not feeling deprived, but motivated to "repair" and "restore" myself.

I didn't weigh myself this morning. I'm a little nervous to weigh daily
because when i don't lose i get seriously discouraged. Perhaps it's
better to wait until Friday morning. ...

I'll email you later! Thank you for always getting back to me! I'm
enjoying keeping in touch like this 2x/day. It's helping me feel
seriously supported! I liked the journal thing in fitday.com, but i like
this better. That way, if things get bad, you'll know right away...and it
can't snowball too badly...

Thanks again, xoxo michelle

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Great day! Good job. Carlene

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hi Carlene,

Good day! I had a one hour walk with Cliff today much later in the day.
It was too icy in the morning to walk to the market.

For breakfast i had green smoothie: [parsley, 1/2 banana, 3 golden
delicious apples]. enjoyable!

For lunch i decided to try out steamed veggies. I steamed 2 cups of
broccoli, 1/2 shallot, 2 cups of swiss chard and 1 tomato. No fat, no
salt. I was full at the end and satisfied. wow. That's a new thing for
my repertoire, loved it!

For snack i had 1 mango, and some herbal tea

Later I had 1 orange and 1/2 single serve watermelon.

For dinner, I made the blenderized veggie soup, no salt no fat. bland,
but hot and satisfying.

At my moms i had 2 apples. When i got home i had some more of the soup.

xoxoxo michelle joy

Fatty Salty Blues! Doin' Great With Carlene, Eatin' Fruit...But Gettin' The Blues!

So, Folks,

I'm still hangin' in there!

Carlene and I have been discussing at quite some length how gourmet raw food with it's high fat and sodium content is (of course, beyond delicious, but) not ideal for me. I eat a few peices of raw bread, fatty and salty the way i like it, and before I know it, i've eaten an entire tray. Neither is salty wheatmeat ideal. That stuff is so good it drives me bonkers.

So we've put me on a plan of ONE DAY AT A TIME - And for the next four days it's [Day one and two] all fruit and greens, raw, no cooking, no salt, no fat for two days. And on days three and four, i am permitted to add steamed veggies. We're building a diet from the ground up. It seems like a better way to tackle my issues than paring down from friend onion rings and boca burgers.

Instead of journaling and logging my food in fitday.com, Carlene asked me to email her daily twice a day to keep tabs on me better.

I woke up this morning bright and chipper and energetic. I think i'll walk to the supermarket today with my shopping cart in the dusting of snow we received here in Philly! I feel THAT energetic! It's a serious walk, about an hour and 10 mins. Wish me luck! It will be an adventure and like my fun times in the summer, walking to the market to shop! Those are very memorable happy times. It feels empowering, energizing, exhausting and old fashioned.

I'm down 7 lbs since yesterday. It's all water weight. I drank a ton of fluids and flushed myself with fruit. Yesterday, I ate 8 oranges, 1 green smoothie and some homemade applesauce, and walked an hour. It's flushing out all of the binge eating i did the last two days. My face is still bloated, so there's still alot of sodium inside.

Ideally, Carlene wants to build me up to low sodium. No sodium and i go nuts when i eat it. Tons of sodium and i can't stop eating salty things, but low sodium, she feels is the way to go. I'm looking forward to it!

You know what? I'm going to get there, and when i do, we can all shout, "Hurrah!" It will have been long and hard won.

Yesterday's email to her was filled with complaints and woes, but also with good positive action.

Carlene's response is below.

xoxo michelle joy
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hi Carlene,

I'm feeling crappy, depressed. i look so fat. i can't believe i did this to myself.

Were those onion rings really worth it last night???

they felt like it at the moment, but not now.

I'm crying all day, which is rotten, but it's cleansing...i suppose.

I think alot i assume things will be easy when they really aren't. i thought today would be easy, but it's not. I SOOOO want to scramble up some warm eggbeaters and salt them!

Instead, I followed the plan begrudgingly and just made a giant green smoothie (3/4 of the vitamix) and drank most of it and actually FEEL better because i'm STUFFED. I like that feeling. [1/2 head parsley, 1 banana, 2 oranges, 2 golden apples, 1 granny smith, no agave or dates. ] it was actualy really good. not sweet and bananay like i usually make it but better for me, i now understand.

The one banana is hard today. I love banana whips, of course. I love chocolate shakes with 6 or 7 bananas and 1/4 cup of agave. But, so far, so good. [On Carlene's plan, bananas, agave, dates (high glycemic fruits) are restricted for the seriously obese. It's been her experience it's holds up weight loss.]

Cliff wanted hot chocolate and that was hard not to taste it, but i didn't. i make it for him with raw chocolate and agave and raw vanilla bean. it was one of our favorite treats together. For raw i use cashews or raw cows milk.

Oh, well, in another lifetime!

Cliff also wanted pizza today and that was hard to watch him eat 2 slices from the pizzaria i want to sing opera at (the pizzaria is a restaurant that hires opera singers to entertain) and not be "able" to have a slice as well. I felt very deprived today. And very conflicted about wanting to sing in a place with such yummy food around when i'm so incredibly vulnerable now. I've been putting off auditioning for them for weeks and it looks like i will put it off even longer. maybe in the summer when i am doing better and able to withstand the temptation.

I managed to eat about 8 oranges today and the smoothie and that's it, so far. It's been harder than i thought it would be.

When i initially came off of cooked food (fatty/salty), i was away at the raw retreat in San Diego for 8 months! Now i have to get over it at home. Not so easy.

I'm glad to report Cliff joined me for a one hour walk together in the freezing cold before it began to snow, and we froze but really enjoyed it. That was a good feeling to follow through. I'm very motivated to exercise because i KNOW what good it does for me.

Emotionally, though, today is MUCH harder than i thought it woud be. I feel ALOT of regret for getting so fat, yet, i crave what made me fat, and i can't seem to consistently control the food that makes me fat, so i can't eat it....today.

We were out today, and i'd been drinking so much, I had to go to the bathroom, so we stopped at the Burger King. Man, i wanted a fatty burger (I haven't eaten meat in 3 years) as i smelled the smells on the way to the bathroom. But when i looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, i almost cried again. I look bad, so bloated, so much fatter. I hardly recognize myself.

I've been in denial, enjoying fatty salty binge eating and not realizing i'd get so fat or have such a time getting back on track.

In the midst of my craving for eggs, it helped to have Cliff to listen when i exclaimed, "i hate fruit! i want eggs!"

the truth is: I don't hate fruit. I just wish i could eat like a "normal" person. I'm feeling quite a bit of self pity today. But, stating my desire defused it. I'm glad now i didn't just get out the frying pan and scramble up some eggs like i wanted to. I'm pretty sure it would have led to something else...and something else...

It's not like i NEED them, the eggs, today. I just want them. I'm cold and something warm and filling would feel good.

I think i'll go take a bath. Cliff promised to scrub my back :-))) I've needed a lot of nurturing today and i'm so grateful he's been so nurturing today.

I will do my best to get through the end of the day on all fruit, but I can't help thinking it would be so nice to boil up some of my famous "Dr. Fuhrman" soup: lentils and chunky veggies in vitamixed veggie "broth" (just water and blenderized veggies, no salt and no fat). it's very bland, but filling and warm. I'm hoping i can have that as part of my plan soon.

The week i had "Furhman" soup all week for dinner and some lunches, and green smoothies for breakfast, i lost the 18 lbs in one week. I think it's because veggies are basically calorie free, so i ate all day, but took in barely any calories. To lose 18 lbs this week would be nice. The soup is satisfying, fat and salt free, high protein and filling.

I'll try to get through tonight the best i can!

Thanks for being there.
Michelle

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Michelle,

Liken yourself to an alcoholic, or even a drug addict. Everything that happened to you today happens to them, just as fast. It is going to take this type of staunch refusal to give in even if that requires a lot of tears, anger, back rubs, and swearing. It is the salt and fat talking. Not you. If you are cold tomorrow, then with the fruit, make your blenderized soup. No salt, no fat, just hot veggies. That's fine. The extra liquids will do you good, but make sure to eat lots of fruit. Ask Cliff if tomorrow, he could make his own hot chocolate, and not eat pizza in front of you.

Now take that bath, cuddle up with a book, or Cliff, and go to bed. Eating is done for the day.

Carlene

Recovery Days with Carlene

Good morning.

I had my 2nd phone call with Carlene of http://www.carlenejones.com/ last night. We decided the next two days will be salt-free, fat-free, all raw fruit and veggie days. The two days after that are to add steamed veggies. I'm looking forward to the next 4 "recovery days."

I've been doing great with my walking. [I've walked 4 days in a row: first day 50 mins, second day 1 hour 10 mins, third day 1 hour 10 mins and yesterday only 30 mins. I'm getting ready to go out for a walk soon, too.]

My food, however, has not been good for the last 2 days. I worked Thu and Fri. I work in a raw cafe with lots of raw bread around, nut pate's and lots of fatty salty treats. Anyone who reads this blog knows i have have a history of severe trouble with food at work. Unfortunately, my last two work days included lots of trouble. And then some trouble afterwards....

This particular difficult space of time in my life will soon end and things will be good again, and i'll be stronger for it. I always remember that in getting through these difficult times, i'll be more able to help others who suffer with food addiction as I do. I know this will all be for the general good.

Here is the note i just sent Carlene and her response:

Dear Carlene,

I woke up this morning to weight 293.5. I can't believe i'm here. Sometimes you have to laugh instead of cry…

Okay, TODAY IS A NEW DAY!

I really GEL with the idea of having a no salt/fruit/veggies/no fat day for today and tomorrow. I’m actually RELIEVED. And adding steamed veggies to that on day 3 and 4, I can cope with. Steamed veggies never hurt anyone. I can cope with that. I needed a recovery plan.

When I went to work and had a “panic attack” I had no plan. My head wasn’t set straight on what I COULD eat, but only on what I couldn’t, and what I couldn’t was staring me straight in the face. And i succumbed. With me, things easily snowball out of control.

Yesterday at work, it started out well. I made a green smoothie with 1 banana and lots of fruit and drank that. Soon, things deteriorated.

Your suggestion to bring my own food, and write my recipes down will be good, instead of constantly having to 'taste.'

Last night after work, i regret I had a cooked food binge before I spoke to you. It might have been a 10,000 cals day. It was kind of the last hurrah. Fried Onion rings, mozzarella sticks and a wrap with mayo, veggies, provolone cheese and boca veggie burger in it, and a soda.

The kind of cooked food I’ve been eating…honestly, WHO DOESN’T LIKE IT???? [We were talking about me LIKING cooked food.] But, the cost exceeds the benefit. My bowel movements smell, I smell, I have bad breath, reflux, am 40 lbs fatter and have been completely deluding myself. The lunch I had out with my friend, Megan, the other day was not very lean or low salt either, and it feeds the addiction.

I can see what you’re saying about foods being 30% or more in fat or salty being out of my league. They just shouldn’t be in my repertoire.

I like what you were saying about being a 'fat addict'. I’ve always felt that fat was my main addiction. And salt. Fat and salt are all I ever want.

The bootcamp diet was/is attractive to me because of that. And it’s so easy to follow in it’s simplicity. It’s black and white, cut and dried.

But then, every once in a while, a person wants a little treat - a meal out with a friend, perhaps. Then it gets tricky. The meal might even go very well, very controlled. But, then, it’s the days following that are the issue. You have to just get right back on track.

I used to have trouble getting back on track and would stay in gourmet raw for weeks. Then i would go back to eating bootcamp style (80-10-10) for weeks. I used to call those my “RECOVERY DAYS.”

I think the way I used to recover myself was great, now. [It’s wasn’t zero fat. It was ¼ of an avo, or 2 Tbsp of nut butter, that was it. No salt. All fruit and veggies.] I think maybe that should be the way i eat in general.

I thought the way I was eating on those recovery days was CAUSING the binge eating. But, now I’m not so sure. I think the fat and salt of the gourmet raw….just set me off. I’m an addict.

So, I’m going to have to find what little treats I can have that don’t set me off. Steamed veggies seems like a nice place to begin.

I’m looking forward to the next 4 days because I know I will drop at least 10 lbs and feel so much better. My legs feel like tree trunks and my face looks like a balloon.

I'm experiencing that there is a huge difference between someone weighing in the 250’s and someone weighing nearly 300. I really FEEL this weight gain and I hate it. The damage it has done to my self esteem has been awful. I like looking better. I don’t like looking like a balloon. It is harder to walk. My clothes don’t fit. What must people at work think???

I was SO MUCH better off before all of this cooked (fatty salty) food. I was deluding myself to think I could control it.

xoxo michelle

Good morning,

All the last hurrahs are done. Why we do that is beyond me. I wonder who gave us the idea??

For now, I want you to forget the idea of every now and again wanting a little treat. Instead, we are going to build a program that allows you to have a little something whenever you want, but take the big ticket items off the menu.

Have a great day with the fruits. I'm sure you will feel better tomorrow morning, and then heaps better by Monday morning.

Remember you are doing this because you want to, not because you have to. There is a huge difference.

Email me this afternoon and let me know how you are doing.

Carlene

So, For the next 4 days, i was instructed i do not have to log my food into http://www.fitday.com/.

God bless you all. Thank you for your support. And i hope that soon i will be in pure raw joy again. It may be hard to get back to, but the hardest things to achieve in life mean the most to us. This has been a trying time. But i'll get through it.

xoxo michelle joy

"I'm a Success Already!"

DAY TWO SUPPORT WITH CARLENE JONES WWW.CARLENEJONES.COM

DATE: Wed, Jan 27, 2010
WEIGHT: 285
WEIGHT YESTERDAY: 287.5
LOSS: -2.5
TOTAL LOSS TO DATE: 140 LBS

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hiya Folks,

I'm bright and chipper this morning and have a very busy day - my friend, Megan, is coming to help me organize today - so just a quick update. (P.S. Megan is wonderful! Watch her videos with Arnold of Arnold's Way Raw Vegetarian Cafe' on Arnold's Youtube Channel: www.Youtube.com/arnoldsway )

Today is my 2nd day of my new venture - I'm counseling privately with Carlene Jones of http://www.carlenejones.com/. Carlene was obese, lost 140 lbs and eats and teaches a high raw diet.

I had my talk with Carlene last night and it was a certified DELIGHT. She has most definitely changed. Last time i worked with her she was a certified bitch. This new change of attitude is a breath of fresh air and certainly exactly what i deserve!

Carlene talked extensively about how the raw bootcamp mentality, yes, worked for women to lose weight fast, but all of them gained it back.

She now teaches "Find Your Best Diet" which is a more lenient "High Raw" diet. Women find their own way, what works for THEM as individuals, with her experience guiding them along. Women are having so much more success.

I'm totally looking forward to finding my best diet, which will be a combination of high raw with some cooked vegetarian food. Unfortunately, it's where my heart is right now. The door opened and it hasn't shut. And I think that's okay. For me. For today.

Yesterday was an almost all raw day, with the exception of a big bowl of lightly cooked vegetable soup i made for myself, with only a bit of miso paste in the water to form a light broth. The veggies were still crunchy.

I'm journaling and logging my food on http://www.fitday.com/ as part of my program, and Carlene will have access to this to view my logs. You also may read my logs by clicking on: http://fitday.com/fitness/PublicJournals.html?Owner=LaSoprana.

Overview: I've lost 2.5lbs already. I am to weigh myself from now on only 2x/week. Sensible! I had less than 700mg of sodium, 19% fat and 5% protein, and a little over 2500 cals of mostly raw. A little high on calories - due to overeating dates, avocado and banana. All high ticket items. There are many many more raw or veggie-friendly foods that don't hold such concentrated calories, but fill just as well. And I walked for 50 mins and it was a pleasure!

I'm SO FREAKIN' HAPPY!!!! And so excited for this new chapter in my raw journey!!!!

And, Carlene even said she thinks i'm doing GREAT! That MOST women who lose over 100lbs gain it ALL back and i only gained a little back. She thinks i'm a success already! Man, does THAT ever feel good!

xoxox michelle joy

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
LETTER FROM CARLENE

Hi Michelle,

It was great talking to you tonight. I am going to send you an ecopy of the e-book "Fat Brain Lies" with your photos already in it. We will be working through this book together.

Here are the guidelines for what you are going to do diet wise these next three days:

-Max 2000 calories.
-Max 30% fat.
-Min 10% Protein
-Max 3000 mg sodium.

Outside of those guidelines eat whatever you want, but stick to those guidelines until we meet again. On Friday, I will have gone over your fitday account so we can talk about how to move forward to find what is going to work for you: High raw or all raw. It will be your decision.

Keep up with the 50 minutes of walking each day.

I have opened your account on the http://www.carlenejones.com/ website and changed your start weight to 287.5.

Our call nights are Tuesdays and Fridays at 9:15 PM Eastern Time.

Talk to you Friday.

I think you are going to do great. I love your attitude, and that is as important as food and exercise when it comes to doing this for life.

Carlene